Bordering on Bad Behavior Page #7

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Ah, fat Bob,

there will be peace in the Middle

East in about 35 years or so.

Um, Jews and Arabs will be making babies.

I love the mixed races.

They have that nice

coffee-colored look.

Right, and Baz,

he wants to know:

"Will the powerful governments

of today ever fall?"

Right, what do you think, Tes?

- B*tch!

- Cow!

Hey, show some respect.

Sorry, the answer is,

of course, yes.

Duh, nothing lasts forever.

Ma'am...

Name, soldier?

Private Sanchez, ma'am.

Where is the rest

of your uniform?

Uh...

It's over there.

I haven't seen you before.

What is with your pants?

This look like the Lebanese cam.

Oh no, no uh...

This is what we wear

in Afghanistan.

I just got in this morning.

Who has been drinking?

Me, me, sir.

I mean, ma'am.

It was my birthday.

So I made myself a pie,

a couple of drinks

to go with it...

This is an Israeli

communication center.

We rely on you for information

at a second's notice.

You're having a party!

- And you two are sleeping.

- Permission to speak.

Shut the f*** up!

This is Midmin.

I need the military police

down here at once.

Three drunken soldiers

asleep at their post.

I'm not drunk, I'm high.

I know, a disgrace.

Two American soldier.

I wish you wouldn't

do this to us.

What's so funny?

I'm...

I'm f***ing with you!

You should see your faces!

You knobs were

pissing in your pants!

I pissed in my pants.

What are you wearing, mate?

Oh you know, some boots,

cowboy boots, my boxers,

my cowboy hat, T-shirt

and a pie.

F*** that, I've got three

months left of my service

Thailand, here I come b*tches.

Hell yeah, whoooo!

- Lets have some pie.

- Yeah, let's do that.

Well, this is just uh...

Perfect timing.

Let's have some pie.

- Pie?

- Yeah, why not pie?

So how's the pie?

It's better than the sh*t

they serve us on base.

Sanchez...

You like the Arabs?

Well they're people, right?

Human beings.

Bob, you like the Arabs?

Sure, ask Sanchez.

How was Afghanistan?

Five star hotels,

strip clubs at every corner...

A great place

to bring up a family.

L'chaim!

Gotta go, boys. Let's see what

those crazy Lebanese are up to.

Listen, Sanchez,

or whoever you are,

we're heading southeast, okay?

I have no idea what you're talking about,

you whining Brit.

A f***ing Aussie,

what are the chances of that?

Yeah, what are the chances?

Well boys...

This seems like a good time to make my move

back across the border like a good soldier.

I hate goodbyes.

Me too.

You're okay for an Arab.

And you're okay for a Jew.

You're both okay.

Okay.

Are you sure you know

the way this time?

- Yep.

- - Facebook me.

Will do, Bob.

You boys play nice now!

What the f***!

We're f***ed now, Bob.

Oh sh*t.

Let's just get high, f*** it.

I never liked Arabs

to begin with.

Listen, you fucks!

Put your weapons down or I'll

shoot this guy where he stands!

If you don't put your weapons

down, I'll shoot him,

you'll shoot me,

and nobody wants that.

Least of all f***ing me!

Put the guns down and move back

20 steps, lets go!

Now I don't want any trouble,

I just wound up in the wrong

place at the wrong f***ing time!

Now put them down,

take 20 steps back!

Keep going, go on!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,

it's been a pleasure

entertaining you this morning!

F*** you, motherf***er!

- Hello?

- Ha?

Hey, you crazy bastard.

Hey, what's this I hear about

your men killing one of mine?

You killed two of my soldiers,

you a**hole!

Listen, listen, my old friend.

You want to go to war,

you just say the word, okay?

You think you are tough

because you have new weapons

and tanks and planes.

Well, you can shove that

all up your ass, you donkey!

Donkey ha, that's funny ha,

you're funny, you prick!

Listen to me, what are we going

to do about this mess now?

I got the whole media breathing

down my neck and...

I've got too much on my plate,

you know?

Relax, brother, this is

the problem with democracy,

you have people to answer to,

a**hole.

So what's your plan,

penis-face?

We tell the world that both our

soldiers were in the right.

Then we go back and forth like a

game of tennis for a month or two,

and let the whole thing

blow over.

Okay, sounds good to me!

Now listen, I'm going

to bed now, dick-licker.

And say hello

to your beautiful wife, okay?

Shave your balls, monkey-ass.

Tell the wife thanks

for the carrot cake.

Monkey-ass!

Alright, one for you,

one for me, here we go.

And this one's

for our good friend, Baz.

- I wonder where...

- Thanks, f***-face!

Oh hell no! There he is!

Hit me, Bob! You fat f***!

You got a beard.

You kissed me with a beard,

You made me feel bad

about myself.

War's a b*tch, man,

but I love it!

You boys ready to do this?

Hell yeah!

I don't know how to swim,

though!

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