Born Guilty Page #3

---

to Martin Weiss, the

man who's gonna create

your new campaign for

the investor too young

and too insecure to

understand why it is

he ought to be investing.

- How you doing, sir,

nice to meet you.

- Oh.

- I'm thinking the way to

sell investment programs

in this environment

might be with someone

who has nothing to lose.

Imagine a spokesman.

An earthy, long

haired, zenned out dude

who's been to the edge

of the world and back.

He has no money or

desire to have anything.

But he has that one thing

that everyone wants.

It's the secret of his

supreme confidence,

it's the thing that all

your potential clients

loaded with responsibilities

and mortgages

and families and fears all want.

- And what's that?

- Inner peace.

- [SUMMER] There's an

urgent call for Marty?

- Summer, we're in the

middle of a meeting.

- [SUMMER] I'm sorry,

sir, I wouldn't interrupt

but there appears

to be an emergency.

- Then what is it?

- [SUMMER] It's his mother, sir.

(CRYING)

- I waited in the freezing

cold for two hours

for the locksmith to come.

And without my purse, I

didn't have any cash or cards.

I had to give him my

mother's ring for collateral.

- You gave him Nana's ring?

That's a $3,000 ring

for a $300 collateral.

- Don't make me feel worse.

I had to stand in the street

like a homeless person

begging for change just

to call the locksmith!

- Mom, please, just don't cry.

I know you left your

purse on the train,

but why didn't you

just call me collect?

- Because you are

3,000 miles away.

You can't help me.

- I could have

wired you the money.

- I don't need your money!

Every god-awful night I

come home to an empty house.

Every f***ing morning

I wake up alone.

I make one stupid

decision after another

because I have no

one to talk to!

- You have friends

- My friends are preoccupied

with their own useless lives.

- Mom, listen.

You're just upset, okay?

You're probably

cold, you're hungry.

Just, why don't you

take a nice hot bath.

You know, everything will be

- I don't want to take a bath!

If you want to get off

the phone, just tell me.

Just stop lying to me

like everyone else!

- Mom!

Mom.

Just take a deep breath, okay?

Just take a deep

breath and calm down.

Let me hear you say

there's no emergency,

everything's okay, I'm

calm and in control.

Cause you are, right?

You said it before, let

me hear you say it again.

Breathe and say it.

- I'm

I'm calm and in control.

- Right.

Ready?

We're gonna breathe.

One, two, three, hold.

One, two, three, release.

You're the only good

thing in my life.

- Come on, Mom.

That's not true.

- It is.

I'm okay, I'm just

here, by myself.

Have a good day.

- I'd like to be

working for the guy

who scores on the

Midway account,

not with cartoon cat ladies.

- Patty the p*ssy pickler.

- Mmhm.

- Oh, f*** it.

Just clearing my head.

- Why, so your mom can fill

it with sh*t again tomorrow?

- That is an interesting

theory, Summer.

Confidence, right?

Confidence.

I can write about

confidence, right?

I'm Mr. Confident.

How am I gonna write

about confidence

when I can't even

get out of bed?

- That's too bad.

I bet if your mom's

life didn't suck so bad,

yours wouldn't either.

( PERCUSSION MUSIC)

( CALM MUSIC)

- Want a three month job

to earn that cash you need?

- Marty, I know nothing

about advertising.

- No, no.

It's more like

looking after someone.

Like babysitting.

- You have a hidden

bastard child?

- No.

My parents divorced

when I was five.

Dad bailed on alimony so

Mom went back to school,

got a career, became

a social worker

like her sister, my Aunt Judy.

My Aunt Judy's responsible

for getting my mom

back on her feet.

And hundreds of women.

- Hundreds.

- Yeah.

- Wow, that's amazing.

You know, I knew this

woman in Guatemala who

- Well, I mean, you

know, it's not amazing.

I mean, sure, I've

given her money,

but that doesn't

fix the big problem.

Working on countless

social cases

where these men

abandon their families

has really affected her.

Aunt Judy hasn't had a

decent boyfriend since.

She's convinced that

all men are pigs.

- How could I help?

- Teach her.

Teach her that men can be good.

Be the man of her dreams.

What?

It's only for a few months.

Alright, a month.

- I'm sorry, Marty, I

can't feign romance.

- Wait, wait, wait.

I'm not asking you to go and

sleep with her for money.

Let me show you this.

You go to New York and

you show this woman

how good a true man can be.

I mean, she's a champion

of the downtrodden.

She makes sure that working

moms on government assistance

get all the assistance

they truly need.

You know, but now

she needs assistance

and I can't help her,

I'm too tied down.

I'm worried.

You'd be like a

personal trainer.

You know, instead of

making a fat person thin,

you'd be making a scared

person brave, you know?

You show Aunt Judy life,

you give her what you've got.

Culture, stories, attention.

You know, you fix her wounds.

- Like a healer.

- Exactly.

You're a healer, restoring

her emotional health.

- Marty, I don't

understand how I'd do this.

- Rawl, do you

understand $10,000?

Dress a little sharper and

I'll get you a haircut.

I'll take you to my barber

and you can crash at Rupert's.

Remember him, the guy who

ran poetry slams in Venice?

Well, he now lives in

Brooklyn and he owes me.

I'll even throw in 500

a week for expenses.

Just give Aunt Judy

all your attention,

share your learnings.

But remember, under no

circumstances let her know

that we're friends.

It would trip her up.

Promise, man, keep

this a secret.

This is serious, Rawl.

You're on a mission.

- A healing mission.

- Sh*t.

Hey, how about a coffee?

- Oh, not for me.

I haven't had caffeine

in eight years.

Sends me loopy.

- Oh, well, I can't say

I'm technically drug free

because I basically survive

off coffee and cigarettes,

but I haven't done coke, dope,

or green smoke in five years.

Thank you.

But problem is, I also

haven't been beyond

like three blocks of this

shithole either, so

- You know, I've never

stayed in the same place

for longer than three months

in the last seven years.

- Holy sh*t, I got it!

You're homophobic.

- Oh, no, no, no.

I embrace all my brothers.

- See, I'm diagnosed

agoraphobic.

Agora's the Greek

word, it means outside.

I am afraid of leaving my home.

That makes you home-ophobic,

afraid of having a home.

See, it's a little (LAUGHS).

- I think comfort's an illusion.

- Bullshit, it's contagious.

- Are you a shut in or a shrink?

- Both.

I have a degree in psychology

from Brute College.

Classes were just full of nuts

trying to manage

their own psychoses.

Why do you think I'm so

afraid to go outside?

Because the world is one big

affliction if you go outside.

You are sure to suffer.

Look at all these f***ing books!

I know too much, you know?

- Know too much?

About what?

- Oh, like disaster

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