Born Guilty Page #4

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and disappointment.

They wait for you around

every little turn.

And love, love.

Oh god, it just

f***ing kills you.

So we just repeat and we

repeat until we just give up

or we end up frantically

demanding satisfaction

from someone who's not

even capable of taking care

of themselves.

Or, or, or we spend most of

our lives trying to make up

for what our parents

never gave us

and so the words then are

meaningless next to the message.

- The message?

- Yes, the message, the message,

the big f***ing message!

- What's the message?

- There is no message.

Ah.

Or is there?

- Yeah.

- I got presents.

I got presents, I got presents,

I got aloha, aloha.

- A vacation?

- A vacation, baby.

- Marty!

Thank you, oh my god.

I forgive you, I forgive you.

Let me see, when are we going?

- Next month.

I'm going to screw

you in Honolulu, baby.

Come on.

I meant make love.

- I like to screw, I

don't like being screwed.

And I know that's what will

happen if I forgive you.

- I

- Marty, do you believe in me?

- Yes.

- Then help me with my career.

- I told you, I'll

do everything I can

- Okay, Marty.

- Once your line is finished.

I'll create a promotional

campaign, a website, everything.

- Marty, my line is finished!

It's just excuses.

Why did I think

you were different?

You said I could be somebody.

- Yes, you can!

- So call your fancy

friends, Marty.

Get them to profile me and my

lingerie in a damn magazine.

Okay?

Get my name out there.

Show me you believe in me!

(SIGHS)

- Rupert?

- Yeah.

- What's in those bottles?

- Oh, just a little

health drink.

- Some kind of juice?

- (LAUGHS) You could say that.

- What kind?

- Mine.

- It's not.

- Oh, it is.

100% pee from me.

Healthiest drink on

the planet, my friend.

Forget the apple a day lie.

All you really need each day

is a glass of your own urine.

Now the AMA, they

hide the truth, okay,

to keep us all sick and

popping their pills.

- Fascinating.

- Yeah.

Have a drink from me, bud.

There's plenty.

Want one?

Knock that back, I'm

gonna go take a dump.

- I'm good for now.

- Sure.

Maybe later.

Anytime you want it.

( DRAMATIC MUSIC)

- Hey, a pack of Rex, please.

Thanks.

- Can I get a lighter, please?

- What kind do you want?

- Any lighter's fine.

(LAUGHS)

- Whoa!

Lady, you alright?

- No, this freak

is following me.

- Hey, buddy, you

- Hey, I just want

to give her a light.

(GASPS)

- Here's a light.

Lights out!

(PHONE RINGING)

- You got Marty.

- Yeah, well, you got trouble.

Some man attacked Rawl

while he was trying

to give your aunt a light.

- Aunt Judy doesn't smoke.

- Judy don't smoke?

- What?

She doesn't smoke?

- No, always told me,

bad for your health.

- Bad?

It almost gave me a concussion.

- I'm sorry, it wasn't her.

You know what, I

meant to tell you this,

but you can ambush her

at the Coffee Clash

around where she lives.

She's there almost every

morning at 9:
00 a.m.

- Is that cold, is that

helping the swelling?

- Yeah.

- Relax, take a breath, Judy.

I got your bagel waiting.

Gluten free, right?

That's what you want.

- Yeah, great.

- Everything alright?

- No, I gotta go across

town to the office

of management and budget

to formally request

an increase in textbook funding

for children in public housing.

Sons of b*tches won't

cough up another red cent

unless it's for a

f***ing animal shelter.

- Hey, politicians.

They care more about cats and

dogs than the gutter kids.

You know, the man knows

exactly where the votes

are coming from.

Don't let 'em sh*t ya.

- Screw the mayor.

- Absolutely.

He's a supreme sell out.

- Yeah, bear in a bullshit.

- Crapload of corruption.

- A**hole.

Assassin of democracy.

- A**hole assassin of

democracy, alright.

Hey, voice of the

people right here.

Coffee's on the house.

- Oh, thank you, Larry.

- Kick some ass, will you?

- [JUDITH] How's your wife?

- She's good.

- [JUDITH] Okay, good.

- Buddy, what do you need?

Hey, hey.

Hey, over here.

- Do you recycle these?

- These, let me see.

Yeah, we fill 'em with

dirt and we plant daisies.

- Fantastic.

Hold on to that, thank you!

( UPBEAT MUSIC)

- Hey, what can I get you?

- [JUDITH] Babs, when are

you gonna get gluten free?

- I'm working on it.

The usual?

- Yes, please.

- Alright.

And for your friend?

- He's not

- Oh, too bad.

Kid's got nice cheekbones.

- Oh, uh

I will get

Same as her.

- Sounds delicious.

- Thank you.

Reading anything

interesting there?

- Yeah, death, disease, poverty.

The New York City quarterly

social service report.

- Reminds me of Phnom Penh.

- Well, it's right here in the

wealthiest city in the world.

- You know, the US has the

highest teen pregnancy rate

in the industrialized world?

- And the highest TV rate.

And childhood abandonment.

And lowest reading skills.

And it goes on and on and on.

- Well, there are

more toxic places.

- Oh yeah?

Name 'em.

- Nairobi.

Kabul.

Calcutta.

Chernobyl.

Beijing.

- Newark, New Jersey.

- Newark, New Jersey?

- Place is so toxic the

only thing that grows there

is the crime rate.

(LAUGHS)

Let me ask you something.

Have you ever been to

any of those places?

- All of them.

Even Chernobyl.

- Really, isn't it radioactive?

I thought that was off limits.

The only thing off limits in

Russia is other man's vodka.

(LAUGHS)

- What did you do there?

- I started washing

dishes and making omelets.

Soon enough, I was

teaching cooks there

how to cook things other

than boiled cabbage.

- So I take it you're a cook.

- I like to spread

out my resources.

- What were you

doing in Calcutta?

- In Calcutta, I was working

for a German relief organization

distributing water

purification tablets for women

drawing water from unsafe wells.

I realized I get the most

bountiful joy by giving.

- Please.

Been giving my whole life

and I'd really like it back.

- That seems like a

very wounded sentiment.

- Save your tears.

Salt stings.

- Can I ask what it is

that you're so deeply

regretful about?

- You have a couple hours?

- Actually yeah, I do.

- Well, I don't.

And even if I did have a life,

wouldn't have time

to enjoy it, so.

Babs, I'm gonna need my check.

- I feel your spirit.

I'd love to share some

more time with you,

maybe go for a drink.

- A drink?

- Yeah.

- Kid, you sure you

haven't had a few already?

I mean, I'm probably

twice your age.

- With double the wisdom.

I mean, I know that I

would definitely find it

very stimulating.

(LAUGHS)

- I haven't been stimulated

since I ran out of Duracells.

- Excuse me?

- I said it's been a long time

since I said what the hell.

- So it's settled then.

9:
00 p.m. tonight

at the Algonquin.

- The Algonquin?

How can I say no to that?

- Exactly.

- What's your name?

- Rawl.

- Rawl?

- Correct.

(COUGHS)

- Oh, god.

(SIGHS)

My god

Oh my god.

Sh*t.

Who am I kidding?

The only man I'm seeing tonight

is the one who's

delivering the pizza.

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