Born Guilty Page #7

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TV loving kids,

I was the undisputed

king of cool.

Never needed a gun

to solve my problems.

There wasn't a jam I

couldn't get out of

with a little ingenuity

and a paperclip.

I was their role model

who convinced them

there is always an easy way out.

They were convinced that

easy times would open arms,

lay ahead, but when

they got out of college,

they got welcomed into the

adult world full of indecision.

The 9/11, the terrorism,

and a clueless president

and weapons of financial

destruction, no decent jobs,

and the promise of being the

first American generation

to have a worse quality of

life than their parents.

What kind of life is that?

I don't know, I'm outta here!

That's a life that I don't want.

Well, that may be so, Marty.

Don't hit me now.

Well, why isn't there?

It's not my fault.

Whose fault is it?

See, I believe trust is dead.

We need the Midway

campaign to focus

on the absence of role models.

- In the 25 years that I've

been running this company,

I can't think of a more

original, unique presentation.

Generation brought up without

a credible role model.

I like the premise.

Suppose we were to invent

the ideal role model

and then market it directly

to this lost generation.

Think that's something you

can come up with, Marty?

- Of course it is, Mr. Milk.

- Five companies bidding

for the same job,

so Monday I'd like

to hear very much

what your idea for the

spokesman might be.

Good luck.

- You really pulled it off.

I don't know how you

did, but you did it.

So to get the low

self-esteemer to invest,

we need to understand

how they learned

to not value themselves

in the first place.

(PHONE RINGING)

- You got Marty.

- She's a fountain girl!

- Rawl?

Fountain girl?

What are you talking about?

- Judith.

My wonder entered her garden

and then I discovered

her life flow.

Marty, the French say if

you find a fountain girl,

you'll forever bathe in love.

Pierre is right.

Marty, it was like having

a hot bottle of champagne

just exploded all over my face!

- A bottle of hot

champagne on your face?

What are you talking about?

- Sounds like female

ejaculation to me.

- She was deep in passion

and I was gripped in fear,

holding onto the bedposts.

She guided my kisses

down to her garden

and my tongue tickled her joy.

And soon came a sudden whoosh!

I mean, I'd heard it in

France about fountain girls,

but I didn't think it was true.

- Shh, stop talking, please.

- Oh, Marty, I was so excited

that my force was unleashed

and she wasn't even

touching my wonder.

- Look, no more

talking about force.

Please, just calm

down and slow down.

- I mean, it was an

emotional journey.

We held nothing back in

mind, in body, in soul.

We shared everything!

I mean secrets, dreams, desires.

- Wait, desires?

- Marty, this is it.

I mean, this is what

being in love is.

It's not being afraid.

And finally, finally this is it.

- What are you talking about?

- She spoke of past

loves, even tragedies.

- Tragedies, what tragedies?

- She spoke of Gordon, young

love she had when she was 22.

Some idealistic

motorcyclist dropout,

used to write a novel a week.

I mean, her family hated him.

Her father convinced him

that it would kill him

if they got married.

So she went and married

the first college boy

she could find.

Nervous New Yorker.

- Yes, yes, exactly,

right, right.

Who she divorced

when her son was five

because she found him cheating.

- Yes, yes!

But no, she was the

one doing the cheating.

Hey, how do you know?

- She was cheating?

Wait, wait, wait, who

the hell is Gordon?

My dad was the first

love of her life.

- Your dad?

Aunt Judy's my mom, you

f***ing French found f***.

- What?

I had sex with your mom?

- Yes.

And it sounds like you

liked it, motherf***er.

- I don't believe this.

- Believe it!

I thought

I'm a freak.

I thought it would, I

don't know what I thought.

I'm sorry, man, I should

have been straight with you.

You can keep the money

- I don't know what

to say except

Except thank you.

- Thank you?

Thank you?

- Marty, you can keep the money.

I never thought I'd

say these three words.

I'm in love!

- You're not in love, man.

You're talking about

my mom, alright?

She collects rubber bands.

- No, I am in love.

Marty, she opened up

something inside of me.

- Just stop talking about

anything being opened up

inside of you, please, okay?

- She is like an

epic living novel.

I can't put her down, I won't.

- Rawl, stop!

I don't want to hear

any more of the bullshit

about you sticking the f***ing

wonder in her f***ing garden

and if there's any more

(MUMBLES) f***ing face

about how you lost

your f***ing dick.

You're celibate, you haven't

has sex for 10 f***ing years

you motherf***er.

Rawl, stop talking about

f***ing my f***ing mother!

- So sweet.

And it's not even Mother's Day.

- You must go!

(KNOCKING)

(KISSING)

- I have a gift.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

- You cooked.

- Traveling on a budget,

you learn some things.

This is my favorite dish.

Couscous taught to me

by Kabal Kan Katak.

He's the leader of an

anti-Taliban force.

This couscous has recruited

more men than Uncle Sam.

- Let me take your coat.

- Oh, thank you.

- You've really done some

stuff, you know that?

You should write a novel.

- It would be incomplete.

I'm living the most

exciting chapter now.

- (LAUGHS) I'm sorry,

it's such a mess and

I had no time to clean up.

- No, it doesn't

look too bad at all.

- I've got this dinner here.

I don't know if you'll

like my cooking.

- Hey, who's that?

- Oh yeah, that's my

f***ing ex-husband.

He's such an a**hole.

I mean, he was in the

best pictures of Marty

so I had to cut the

prick's head off.

Too bad it wasn't his prick.

Marty?

That's my son, you know.

He's the same age as you.

- Oh.

- (LAUGHS) Yeah.

I hope that when he comes into

town, we can all have dinner.

(SCREAMS)

- Oh god.

- [JUDITH] It's okay, it's okay.

- [RAWL] Don't touch

it, it's ruined.

- No, it's okay.

- No, I made a mess everywhere.

I think I should just go.

- No, no, no, no!

It's just one less dish to wash,

what are you talking about?

F*** it, let's just go.

There's a restaurant

right around the corner

that I've always wanted

to check out and

You said that we would

create our own path.

- Everything happens

for a reason, right?

- Yeah, not

necessarily a good one.

I always hated that

New Age bullshit,

but coming from you

it's worth listening to.

(KISSES)

You're such a goon,

you know that?

What do you see in me?

- I see everything.

Lunch.

(KISSES)

- Could get used to this.

I could get used to this?

- Summer, I am way

overloaded on accounts.

I am promoting you from my

assistant to creative director

and you're gonna be responsible

for Sour Licks Candy

and Bigkidsworld.com.

- Are you shitting me?

Can you do that?

- Absolutely not.

But I've gotta do it if we're

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