Born Guilty Page #8

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gonna land our firm Midway.

I'll beg Milk.

But for now it's just

gonna be our little secret.

- Me likey.

But I still want in on

the Midway account, okay?

Which reminds me, let me get

you those Austin weeklies.

I've been hunting

them down forever.

- Thank you.

- Don't say a word.

Just put on some rags and

grab yourself a roller.

- No one gets in

the fashion show

unless they're on the list.

(SHOUTING)

- Ladies, how you doing?

Hey, I'm with one of the

models, Leslie White?

- I know these

b*tches are skinny,

but unless she's invisible,

I'd say you're on your own.

- Come on, hawk, I

just need to get by.

- My my my my my my.

Haven't seen you at one of

these outings in donkey's years.

He's with us.

(SIGHS)

- In you go.

- You're a prince.

- Queen, honey.

I'm a queen.

- Oh, yes, you are.

- (GASPS) Marty!

What are you doing here?

You surprised me.

Hey.

These new b*tches dress so slow

it's making us all look bad.

I hope they take as

many pictures of me

as they did the girl before me.

- Are you kidding?

I saw more flashes than

the fourth of July.

- Oh (KISSES), what

would I do without you?

- What would you do?

- [LESLIE] I don't know.

- Leslie, I'm here because I

Because I need to

close our relationship.

- (LAUGHS) God, Marty, I never

know when you're playing.

- I'm not playing.

I'm not playing.

- What?

- You know what, I tried to

do what you wanted me to do.

I pieced together a

PR portfolio about you

to show some of my

fancy magazine friends

and so I searched for

some of the restaurant ads

that you said you

did back in Austin.

You know, and like

this is what I found.

It's just like

I just, I

Mandy Hot Talk, XXX.

Hot, right?

I guess you're just

good with your words.

(LAUGHS)

I don't need your deceit or

your manipulation anymore.

I'm tired of wasting

my f***ing time for you

and you're just

driving me all over

and it just doesn't

work, you know?

- Why is it, Marty,

that I never know

what you're really feeling unless

you're screaming about it?

Because you have

no balls, Marty,

that's why I never know what

you're f***ing thinking.

And so I fibbed on a resume.

You're a f***ing liar,

that's what you are.

Lied about loving me, lied

about respecting me in any way,

and you lied about

believing in me.

All you had to do was

make a phone call, Marty.

- I tried to do what

you wanted to do!

- F*** you.

F*** you every f***ing day.

I give two shits about you.

You're too much of a p*ssy

to ever get some balls

and change for yourself!

And I will never

spend another moment

with tears coming down my

eyes for your f***ing mess.

How about that?

(APPLAUDS)

- I can still make a few calls.

- Did you get all

of that on tape?

Yes.

- Can I talk to you for a sec?

We need someone on

set behind the scenes

to publicize what it's like

to advertise with the stars,

you know?

Someone with a top fashion blog.

- I love Justin Bibi.

Who must I kill?

- Just type some hype on

Leslie's lingerie line, okay,

and you got a deal.

- Okay, how perfect.

I can do that, yes.

- I had this theory that if

you ever had an experience

where you felt like you can

sense other people's thoughts?

- Yes.

I'm certain that's how

certain animals communicate.

I also think in a way

that we choose our

own facial structure.

- You're definitely a lion.

- Really?

- What do you think I am?

- Something in water.

Definitely with wings.

You're a swan.

- (LAUGHS) You are real.

I said something to you

before, I must have.

- No, no, no, no, no.

You're so graceful

and proud and

Regal.

- This is too much.

When my father was still alive,

he would take me every

Sunday to Prospect Park

and we would pass the

swans in the lake.

He would fall silent and

become mesmerized by them.

It was something that I never

saw in him anywhere else.

I knew that if I wanted

to catch the love of a man

like my father, I

had to be a swan.

He was solid, always

knew what to do.

His advice was golden.

If he'd only lived longer,

I probably wouldn't have

made all the stupid mistakes

that I made.

It's because I had no

one to consult with.

I've been foolish

most of my life.

Have you ever been

in love, Rawl?

- Once.

- Why did you leave her?

- I was weak.

- I've decided that

the no role models idea

is a craptastic idea, right?

Let me tell you why.

Because see, most people

are pathetic, you know?

They're either lying to someone

or they're lying to themselves.

We're gonna get 'em

from a different

We're gonna give 'em

someone who tells the truth.

Someone who's not

afraid to tell them

what the f*** is up, right?

And we'll call this

guy Mr. Absolute Truth.

And we'll put him in situations

that everyone can identify with.

Like let's say you're

going to your boss

and you need a little

itty bitty raise.

"I've been working really,

really hard for you

and just want to take my

wife on a cruise to Alaska

and I think it'd be great"

No!

And we throw in our guy.

Mr. Absolute Truth Man,

here to save the day!

"Listen, boss man, alright,

bust me out a raise

or I'm gonna take my ass,

I'm gonna run off to the

competition, comprende?"

How about another scene

where a guy's girlfriend

won't oblige him with a

little BJ, just a little one.

He's gonna have to sit

in the middle of the bed

and just masturbate

while she's sleeping

in the middle of

the f***ing night.

And he says to her "Sweetheart,

now I would appreciate

a little hummer if you

just would go downtown

and make things a

little bit easier for me.

I'd really

appreciate it, baby."

Absolute Truth comes in

and says "Listen, baby.

Either bust out a blowj*b

or I will go get a pro

come and guzzle my sh*t like

champagne, click, click."

Boom!

Hold on, I got the best one.

This is one we can

all identify with.

How about you got

a guy who has a,

let's just say a nagging sister.

She's a class A

complainer, alright?

A real f***ing woo!

"I give you love all my

life and nobody loves me."

She's just nagging the

sh*t out of him, right?

And so our guy, he hires

his buddy to date her

and to take her and bingo!

The f***ing sister's off his

ass and the problem is solved.

You wanna know why?

Because this guy had the

money, he had the money!

How'd he get the money, Greg?

I'll answer the question.

He got the money because

he invests with Midway.

Boom!

That's it, money solved

the f***ing problem.

And here's the tagline.

Afraid to invest with Midway?

Then you don't deserve money.

It's a no excuses

campaign, right?

You got the balls and

we'll get you the money!

- Meeting's over.

Out.

(HUMMING)

Sit down.

Take a seat.

I gather you're under

a little bit of stress.

What's going on?

- It's me.

- Excuse me?

- It's my mess.

- Who the hell

else's would it be?

- Everybody else's

I thought.

All I wanted was just

to nail this campaign.

You know, I just

don't want to be stuck

making kids commercials

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