Boy Meets Girl Page #6

Makin' another video with him?

How did y- you know that?

I'm savin' myself,

of course, for my darlin' fianc

who is in Afghanistan.

Really?

How virtuous...

Maybe it's time

we got outta here.

You think?

We could spot a pimple

on a terrorist's ass

from three miles

in the sky at night.

Finding my fiance doin'

a YouTube video with a tranny

is a cakewalk.

And not a very fun one

when you're imbedded

with a hundred forty other

soldiers in Afghanistan.

It was a harmless

video about clothes.

She is an amazing designer-

She-she made me this dress!

Well, none of that

matters to my guys.

All they see is my girl hangin'

out with some sick freak.

How could you do that to me?

I'm the laughin' stock

of the U.S. Marines.

And your father?

Did you ever think

what this could do to him?

She is a transgender girl,

David, not-not a-a terrorist.

Yeah?

How can you be so sure?

Seriously, Francesca,

you need to stop

hangin' around with that thing.

I mean, we have

a certain image to uphold.

Indeed we do.

Who is this evildoer

she has to stay away from?

Oh, I'm sorry, Ma'am,

I-I don't wanna upset

your nice party with this talk.

Please, Son,

we're all family here.

Speak freely.

I'm more liberal than I appear.

- Oh, please, Daddy.

You are so deeply in bed

with the tea party,

you'd let

Bill O'Reilly teabag you.

Well, I don't know

what that means,

but if it means I would

enjoy a nice glass of iced tea

with Mr. O'Reilly then yes,

I would be more than

happy to teabag with him.

Honey,

don't repeat that term again.

That's not quite what it means.

We'll talk about it later.

What has gotten into you?

You're not

the same girl lately.

It's hangin' around

with that guy.

What guy?

Tell him, or I will.

He means Ricky.

Well, I thought his name was

Robby, the boy she came with.

Um, no, he's Robby

and she's Ricky,

but that's not

what David means, is it?

Well, I thought they were

both fine, young people

with good heads

on their shoulders.

And that Ricky is quite

a pretty young girl, to boot.

That's not a girl, Sir.

It's a boy.

I am confused, Honey.

What is he talkin' about?

It's a transvestite.

Or whatever.

It's a man below,

but a girl up top,

if you get my meaning, Sir.

That black haired girl

that made your dress,

the one I met

just the other minute?

Yes, Father. Ricky.

He's here?

- Now?

- Stop calling her that!

She is a girl, God damn it!

Get that through your

thick skull! She is a girl!

Francesca.

I will not call

that f*ggot a girl.

But she is as much a girl

as I am, and for the record,

can make any girl as happy

as she'd ever wanna be,

in more ways than one.

What's that supposed to mean?

Stand down, Marine,

or I will snap you like a twig!

and she will keep company

with any person she sees fit

and you will

treat her with respect,

or you will not be

permitted in her presence.

Is that understood?

Dayton, let him go!

Let him go!

Dayton!

All right, a dollar does it.

Thank you very much,

and you girls have a great day.

Thanks, Ricky.

Hello, Ma'am.

How can I help you?

I was just thinkin'

about havin' a cookie with nu...

Well, hello, Ricky.

How are you?

Ooh, strong.

I like that.

And that's why

I like you, Ricky.

You're strong.

A-a strong person, I mean.

Thank you.

My daughter is not so strong.

She never has been.

She's more fragile.

She never has

had her heart broken.

Her life's been pretty good.

And you think mine hasn't?

Well, now, I didn't say that.

I know you have a lotta people

who love you very much.

That is plain to see.

But I suspect,

and forgive me

if I am wrong, but I suspect

that you've had your

fair share of hard knocks

that you've had to rise above

to become

the luminous young...

lady that you clearly are.

You don't want Francesca.

You have your eye

on someone else.

That is also

plain to see to anyone.

Let her down,

sooner than later, please?

I have no doubt that your

affection for her is genuine,

but we both know

this is not a forever thing

and she has a wedding

to prepare for.

One final word of advice.

Beautiful women

are the only women

who get heard in this world.

You have that goin' for you,

but should it ever come up,

transgender just sounds so...

ugly.

You'd be better off

just tellin' everybody

you have a birth defect.

Thank you, Helen.

Sage words, indeed.

Is that what you

tell people is your excuse?

Did you sleep with her?

It's none of your business.

Don't you walk

away from me, freak.

Keep your hands off me.

F*** off, David.

A lady doesn't kiss and tell.

Why should I?

You are not a lady!

I swear to God,

if you had sex with my fiance,

I will f***in' kill you.

You like bein'

on top of me, David?

From what I can recall,

you like bein'

on the bottom much more.

Did you tell her?

Course not.

I mean, she doesn't even think

I know who you are.

Your secret's safe with me.

I'm great with secrets.

Look, you took my virginity,

and to this day, are the only

man I have ever slept with.

So no matter how much

of an a**hole you can be,

you'll always

be special to me.

David!

David!

Wha -

Did he hurt you?

No!

No, he didn't. No.

What is going on?

You should talk to David.

I'm asking you

what is going on!

You should talk to David.

You haven't been returnin'

my texts or my calls.

I've just had a lot on

my mind the past few days.

I-I'm sorry.

You don't wanna

see me anymore, do you?

I like you so much.

I know you do.

But...

You do not need to explain.

And you wouldn't

want me anyway.

Please don't tell me

what I want.

I can't give you babies.

I-I can't -

Please don't tell me

what I want.

I wasn't thinkin'

about the future.

For once in my life, I was

just thinkin' about right now.

Here.

It's amazing.

Here.

So electric.

It's a wonder more

people don't visit, here.

But it hurts more, too.

Here.

I guess it's just easier

to just stay way over there

with the Marine,

stay-at-home mom.

You are gonna do

great things in New York.

I haven't even opened it yet.

I'm too scared.

Oh, don't be scared.

You'll get in.

Thanks.

We can still be friends,

can't we?

Maybe someday.

Francesca...

Don't feel bad.

You did nothin' wrong.

I'm so much better

for havin' known you.

Who is it?

It's me.

What are you doin' here?

What do ya mean?

It's TV night.

Can I come in?

Um, yeah.

Yeah, sure, come in.

- Hey.

- Hey.

How ya doin'?

I'm great.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Heard you, uh,

broke it off with Francesca.

How'd ya hear that?

Well, it's a small town.

You're you.

Yeah, well,

guess that's true, huh?

You don't seem very upset.

Course I am.

I mean it sucks,

but sh*t happens.

Two people

can like each other,

but it's not always

gonna be enough.

So you gotta break up.

Really quickly.

Right?

And that's that?

Yup. Pretty much.

What else am I supposed to do?

Mope around for a month?

And, you know, I'll be damned

if I'm gonna let hormones

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