Boy Toy Page #6

- It's okay.

Come on, Jake.

- Dashelle.

- Hello, Barbra.

- Dashelle.

- Hello, Barbra.

Oh, welcome.

So glad you came.

- Thanks.

- Hey.

That's Dashelle Jones.

He's in Benjy Bratt's new film.

- Right.

- Sofia.

Oh, that cover last month

was fabulous.

- Thank you, Barb.

- Thanks.

Oh, that poor girl.

I tell you,

she just looked

terrible on that cover...

all that coke she's

shoveling up her nose.

Helen, what a surprise.

Barbra, you sure know

how to throw a party, lady.

Hello.

And you are?

This is Gerard, Helen,

and he is with me tonight.

Oh, wow,

what a gorgeous suit.

Paws off or we'll have to

get you declawed.

Pleasure to meet

you, Helen.

It's good

to meet you.

And please

call me Peaches,

like the sweet fruit.

And on that line,

I think we will exit.

Peaches, darling,

come look at

the magnificent waterfall.

- Have a seat.

- Okay.

Gerard, I like you.

So far you've been

an excellent date.

Oh great.

So why don't we get a few

ground rules set, shall we?

- Sure.

- You're to never flirt,

fondle or fornicate

with any of my family or friends

unless given specific

consent ahead of time.

No problem.

- You're a quick learner.

- Ah.

If you're good to me,

I'll be good to you.

That's why I'm here.

Which brings us

to the sexual side.

I take care of myself,

I have a plethora of toys

at home that give me

a lot more pleasure than

the average man can offer.

Well, I'm not

the average man,

but I totally understand

where you're coming from.

And I'd also like

to point out

that you are

my very best client.

Well, as long as you

treat me with respect,

you will make a pretty penny

being on my arm.

And I might recommend your services

to some of my friends.

Really?

That's great.

And if I can speak frankly,

I must say

that you are by far

the most stunning 35-year-old

woman I have ever seen.

What a charming liar.

Shall we?

We shall.

Oh yeah.

You know, that's quite a physique

you have, Gerard.

Thank you, Barbra.

I haven't worked out

in six months,

but I have started yoga.

May I ask you something?

Anything.

Are you happy?

Barbra, I couldn't

be happier.

And I owe it all to you

and of course Mouse

for hooking us up.

Yeah, for the first time

in my life

I have everything I ever

wanted... money, women,

a bed that doesn't smell

like Cheetos and piss.

It's great.

Well, there is something

to be said for that.

So the ladies are

treating you well?

Clients, you mean?

Oh yeah, I forgot.

Yeah yeah, mostly

they've been great.

Although Helen...

she got a little upset

when I told her

I don't screw.

But she seemed to get off

just fine licking my ears,

which is kind of weird,

but, you know,

goes with the territory,

right?

Hmm.

That's why I like you,

Barbra, you know?

I don't feel dirty

when I'm with you.

I feel like

you actually

you appreciate me

for me, you know?

About that... Gerard,

there's something

- I've been wanting to talk to you about.

- Sure.

Excuse me, Miss Skypes,

there's a Mr. Clive here to see you.

Clive?

Oh my God.

Darling, hold that thought.

I'll be right back.

Hello.

Hey, baby,

what are you doing?

Um, I'm with a client

right now actually.

Oh, okay, real quick...

what are you doing tonight?

I have a surprise for you.

Really?

A naked surprise?

Maybe.

How's like 7:
00?

7:
00? Yeah.

Yeah, I can do that.

See you then.

All right.

- Thank you.

- Hi.

You're falling for him,

aren't you?

- You're falling hard.

- Maybe.

How is he in the sack?

I don't know.

Oh my God, what?

You haven't slept

with him yet?

You are such a good girl.

When is the big date, huh?

I think tonight maybe.

- Ooh.

- I don't know. I might as well, right?

- Yeah, I think so.

- I'm pretty much a born-again virgin.

I just want to, I don't know,

test the waters,

see exactly what

I'm getting into.

Hmm, interesting.

You're gonna need to maybe

take those granny panties off.

- Stop stop.

- What do you have in there?

- Stop it. Stop it.

- Let me see, let me see.

I thought we had

something special, Barbie.

Oh, don't call me that.

Now, Clive, look,

I have told you. I don't know how

to make it any clearer:

I've met someone else.

I've moved on

and you gotta go.

Why? Is he here?

Where is he?

I'll find that son of a b*tch.

Clive, now.

Why are you doing this

to me, my queen?

None of the other ladies...

they don't call me back in, like, a month.

I can't pay my rent.

L... l...

I don't know what to do.

Please please, I haven't

had sex in three days.

Please take me back.

I'm so sorry.

I'll even let you do

the thing that you do...

the tickle in my

boom-boom, remember?

Clive, look,

I've met someone else.

Yeah, well, does he have

a Greek goddess body?

That is a goddess.

Mm, is everything okay

here, Barbra?

Everything is fine, Gerard.

Gerard?

This is the famous Gerard?

He looks...

he looks like a wet dog.

Look, is there something

I can do for you, man?

There's something.

You Americans are the same.

You think you can

just walk in here

and take whatever

you want, yeah?

I am the only boy toy

in this town, okay?

I lay the salami

around these parts.

Okay.

Clive, look,

if you don't leave

I'm gonna call the police.

You picked the wrong Clive

to mess with, buddy.

You're actually the only

Clive I know, so...

Well, Clive this.

No.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah yeah.

Dude.

Ow, God.

I fight for my love.

Barbie, I will always

love you.

Oh, I used to love it

when he slapped me like that.

Come on,

he's just bitter.

Let's get some ice

on that eye.

So, Barbra,

listen, Barbra,

I really gotta get going.

Barbra?

You know, I was

thinking, Gerard,

we might take this arrangement

to the next level.

Let's call it

a promotion.

Oh, wow.

Oh sh*t.

Yeah, I thought

I would change into

something a little

more comfortable.

Indeed.

You know, you are such

a good-Iooking young man.

Barbra, I completely

agree with you on that, I really do,

but as much as I hate

to do this to you,

I have to go.

I have a personal engagement

I have to get to.

A personal engagement?

You know, I'm the boss

and I don't recall

scheduling

another meeting.

You haven't forgotten that I'm priority

number one, right?

No, not at all.

But it's a personal thing.

It's not a professional thing.

So your personal life

is starting to interfere

with your work life.

Do you have any idea

how many men

would love to be

with me right now?

Clive, for instance.

I fired him.

Did you know that?

He was you

before you were you.

Look, I'm really sorry,

but it's per...

I fired him

and hired you.

Mouse assured me you

wouldn't create any problems.

Look, it's not a problem.

It's a personal thing.

I need to get to it.

I really do, okay?

- But I could come back.

- What time?

- 9:
30.

- Sharp.

Sharp.

Thank you.

Now she wants to take

things to the next level...

the next level.

I cannot do this anymore,

you guys. I can't.

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