Boys on the Side Page #2

SCENE 15

JANE:

Hey, are you all right?

ROBIN:

That stupid woman. I told her I was fine.

JANE:

You look like sh*t.

ROBIN:

Thank you. Allergies. I have allergies. They come

and they go. Some people think it's all in my head.

Do you ever knock?

JANE:

Not in a public toilet, no.

SCENE 16

JANE:

I'm really sorry. It's probably because I brought

your brother up.

ROBIN:

Oh, no no. It's not that. I'm fine. I'll be fine if

we just keep moving. It's not that...You smell like

an ashtray.

SCENE 17

JANE:

(Talking on the phone): I'm just goin' down to L.A.

to...(Robin knocks on the door): What?!

ROBIN:

Are you getting HBO? Because we're supposed to get

HBO and it's not on mine.

JANE:

I don't know. I'm on the phone here.

ROBIN:

Oh, I'm sorry.

JANE:

No, come in and check. Come in. (Talking on the

phone):
Yes, I'm on my way to L.A. and I thought I'd

stop by and see you...No, no, I said Tuesday or

Wednesday. Are you okay? No, it's just...All right,

no, I'll wait.

ROBIN:

"The Way We Were" is on. Robert Redford. Barbara

Streisand. "The Way We Were."

JANE:

I don't get out much.

ROBIN:

It was twenty years ago. Oh great, you've got it. Do

you...do you mind?

JANE:

No, please. Please. (Talking on the telephone): No,

I'm here. No, I figured we'd come by tomorrow around

noon. Are you okay? I mean, is it Nick? No, fine,

fine. All right. Yeah, no...I'll see you then.

Good-bye.

ROBIN:

Is that your friend in Pittsburgh?

JANE:

Yeah. If she is still my friend.

ROBIN:

That's nice. I don't really have any girlfriends. My

mom always felt, you know, you can't trust women.

JANE:

I don't know about that.

ROBIN:

Oh, come on. Men know all about PMS. Somebody

talked.

SCENE 18

ROBIN:

Oh! That gets me the way she like brushes his hair

off his forehead. That really gets me.

JANE:

So, which one of them were you? The one who loved too

much or the one who loved too little?

ROBIN:

Neither. I'm the one who spent three years at Happy

Hour and never went home with anybody except the

bartender.

JANE:

Well, the bartender is somebody.

ROBIN:

Yeah. He was somebody, all right. I don't know...I

don't know about men. I just don't get it.

JANE:

Maybe you're not into them.

ROBIN:

You mean...eew...no.

JANE:

Maybe you don't know.

ROBIN:

I think I scare them away because I know what I want.

JANE:

Oh well, tell me. What do you want?

ROBIN:

It's not very liberated, I know...I want a husband

with a decent job, you know. And, I want two kids, a

boy and a girl, in that order, and a soap box colonial

with three bedrooms, a sun porch, a stairway with a

white banister, and a convertible den.

JANE:

You could've been Donna Reed in another life.

ROBIN:

Anyway, I didn't get it.

JANE:

That's all right, there's always time.

ROBIN:

Yeah.

JANE:

Is that why you left New York? Because that bartender

did you wrong.

ROBIN:

Something like that...8:00 tomorrow, okay? If you

want to get to Pittsburgh by twelve. Goodnight.

JANE:

Goodnight. Thanks for the movie.

SCENE 19

ROBIN:

Well, I looked around, got into real estate. That's

where the performing really paid off. Sizing up

situations, handling people, getting what you want

from them without them really knowing, you know.

Control.

JANE:

Don't worry, you don't have to come in. Oh, I hate

this belt.

ROBIN:

It's for your own protection if something were to...

JANE:

I know.

SCENE 20

JANE:

(Knocking on the door): Hey Holly! Hey Holly! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

HOLLY:

Jane!

JANE:

Hey.

HOLLY:

Hi.

JANE:

Hi!

HOLLY:

You look good.

JANE:

Thanks! Thanks. You, too....What's the matter?

NICK:

Holly!

HOLLY:

Look, something's come up, Nick's in a mood. Could we

do this another time?

JANE:

Hey, we're on the road here! Look, I'll handle it.

I'll fix it. Let me talk to him!

HOLLY:

Jane!

JANE:

Jesus Christ!

NICK:

Holly!

HOLLY:

He thinks he's lost something.

JANE:

I thought you said he was clean.

HOLLY:

Well, he is. I mean, he has nine months in NA. He's

just dealing. And, you know, he has a drink and he

gets confused.

NICK:

Holly! If you cleaned this f***in' place up maybe I'd

be able to find my sh*t! (To Jane): What the f***

are doing here?!

JANE:

Hello Nick. I'm just passin' through. We'll catch

you later. (To Holly): C'mon.

NICK:

You think you're going somewhere?!

JANE:

Nick! Nick! Nick! Nick! Don't...be a prick.

NICK:

Stick to what you know, Jane. That's something about

you girls I could never figure out. What's sex like

without a dick?

JANE:

I don't know, man. You tell me.

NICK:

F*** you!

JANE:

You wish. (To Holly): Come on.

NICK:

You ain't goin' nowhere!

JANE:

Hey man!

NICK:

This is bullshit!

ROBIN:

All you all right?

JANE:

Uh huh.

NICK:

Who the f*** are you?!

ROBIN:

Hi, how are you? (To Jane): Are we going?

JANE:

Yes.

NICK:

Nobody's going anywhere until I get my coke! This

b*tch! She stole it! She ain't seein' daylight until

she gives it up.

HOLLY:

You don't remember sh*t when you're drinking, you

a**hole! You stole it Tuesday night.

NICK:

You remember the last time I called you a liar? Is

that the way you want me to play this?!

ROBIN:

Guys! Guys! Guys! My hunch is, our two positions

might be a lot closer than we think. Who do you

believe he sold it to?

HOLLY:

Frank. This guy uptown. A friend.

JANE:

Hey, Nick!

ROBIN:

Jane. Let me close this. Where's his number?

HOLLY:

It's on the wall.

ROBIN:

I'm Robin, by the way. You must be Holly.

HOLLY:

Hi! It's really nice to meet you.

ROBIN:

Me, too.

HOLLY:

Um, I really like your hair.

ROBIN:

Oh, thanks. The beauty parlor really messed with it.

You know how they never understand. (Talking on the

telephone):
Is Frank there? Yeah. (Hands the phone

to Nick).

NICK:

Frank. You score any coke off me Tuesday night?

Yeah. How much? Mm hm. That's what I thought!

Holly's saying you did! All right, later...So I sold

it to him.

ROBIN:

Okay, fine. Let's go.

NICK:

Where's the f***ing money?!

HOLLY:

Oh man!

JANE:

Give us a f***in' break.

ROBIN:

Where's the money?

HOLLY:

He hides it. He always does. The same three or four

places and I'm not telling.

ROBIN:

Tell me where.

HOLLY:

I tell you to write it down but you never do, so

forget it.

NICK:

You stole it. Jane, you know her. She's a liar and a

thief. It's not her fault. It's her f***ing nature!

JANE:

Get the f*** away from me.

NICK:

F*** you, too, man! No f***ing trust here! Get the

f*** up! That's what f***ing hurts! Ahh, Jesus

f***ing...Ahh (Holly hits Nick over the head with a

baseball bat).

JANE:

What the f*** is wrong with you? Are you crazy?!

HOLLY:

Did I hurt him?

JANE:

What do you mean "Did I hurt him?" You hit him with a

bat! I'm gonna call the cops, okay?

NICK:

Oh f***...

HOLLY:

He's alive.

JANE:

Give me the bat! Give it to me right now!

NICK:

I'm gonna kill you, Holly. I'm gonna f***in' kill

you...

JANE:

No!

ROBIN:

Time out! Nobody move. Jane, give me the bat,

please. Holly, don't tease him. And Nick, you have

some real like ability issues. Now who has tape?

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