Boys on the Side Page #3

SCENE 21

JANE:

I do not feel good about this.

ROBIN:

Oh, what would you like to do? Call the police?

They'll arrest them both. There's drugs everywhere.

JANE:

What are you doing?

HOLLY:

Oh, nothing.

JANE:

What are you doing?

HOLLY:

Just the cash. I'm clean.

JANE:

No. We're not taking drug money on the road. Put it

back.

HOLLY:

Well, it's not like you can tell by looking at it.

JANE:

Okay, you have a point. We'll just take half. All

right? And, we are not taking drugs with us on the

road with us either, so give them here. Thank you.

HOLLY:

You're welcome.

ROBIN:

Okay. We'll take the gag off when we leave and there

will be four hours of loud music, after which point

you'll will scream for help. Meanwhile, work on the

tape. Okay? Phone's in the kitchen. Water.

JANE:

Yeah.

ROBIN:

Thanks, hon. Right here. Everyone go potty, we don't

want to have to stop!

HOLLY:

I went.

JANE:

Look what she's doing!

ROBIN:

Don't tease the animal! Come on. Go! Go! Go!

NICK:

I'm gonna kill you Holly! I'm gonna kill you! Holly!

ROBIN:

Let's go! Don't worry. I feel really firmly about

it. All right, buckle up!

JANE:

Would you close the door!

SCENE 22

JANE:

I am not going over a cliff for you two, so just

forget it.

SCENE 23Nick frees himself from the tape.

SCENE 24

HOLLY:

I've got some friends in St. Louis. You remember

Linda. I can stay with her. So, where are you guys

going?

ROBIN:

Los Angeles, then San Diego.

JANE:

Yeah, and you're not coming.

HOLLY:

Bummer.

JANE:

Listen. Why did you stay with this guy so long?

HOLLY:

A lot of that back there was drugs. You know, they

really f*** him up.

ROBIN:

But he's a really nice guy underneath?

HOLLY:

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

JANE:

It's the sex. Come on, let's be frank, okay. He was

great in bed. Am I right?

HOLLY:

Sometimes. I don't know, I mean, I think that there's

something beyond sex.

JANE:

Yeah, me.

HOLLY:

Well, I don't know, but I certainly didn't like his

attitude and I'm going to think long and hard before I

take him back.

JANE:

You go, girl.

SCENE 25

ANSWER:

MACHINE:

"Hi, you've reached Nick and Holly. Leave a message

after the beep and we'll get back to you."

NICK:

Oh, my f***in' head! (Nick falls down dead).

SCENE 26

HOLLY:

Thank you, really? Oh my God, are you kidding? That

"Dance Fever" was my favorite. I thought Danny

Tarragon was the coolest guy I ever heard...

JANE:

Would you look at her! It's pathological, man.

ROBIN:

She's young.

JANE:

I guess. How you doing?

ROBIN:

I'm fine. A little tired.

JANE:

You were great back there. You must have sold a ton

of condos.

ROBIN:

It was kind of fun. Adrenaline.

JANE:

You were very frightening. I was very proud of you.

HOLLY:

Um, it was very nice meeting you.

SCENE 27

HOLLY:

Yes! (To Jane):
Is Robin asleep already?

JANE:

Yeah, you know, she gets tired real easy.

HOLLY:

You know, she doesn't look so good.

JANE:

She has all those allergies, man. You know, they come

and go. Did you call Linda yet?

HOLLY:

Yeah, I was just thinking. You guys can just go ahead

and leave tomorrow and I'll just grab a bus.

JANE:

Well why? We're going right through St. Louis. I

mean, it's no big deal...Oh, you're going back, aren't

you?

HOLLY:

Might as well.

JANE:

What do you mean, "Might as well"? This is a guy who

kicks your ass all the time. This is not love, Honey.

HOLLY:

Yeah, maybe you're right.

JANE:

Look. The man is going to kill you. We humiliated

him. We tied him up. Come on!

HOLLY:

I mean, I can't always do what you think I should do.

Like, we've been there, Jane.

JANE:

Fine. I just don't understand why you keep setting

yourself up to get hurt. That's all.

HOLLY:

You should talk.

JANE:

What does that mean?

HOLLY:

Look, you've guys have been really great and I really

like Robin, and I just hope you know that she's not

gay.

JANE:

Well, so what?

HOLLY:

So, that's what I meant by saying, "You should talk."

SCENE 28

FRANK:

Hey Nick. Nick? Oh sh*t!

SCENE 29

MAN:

Passengers with tickets, please go directly to the

forwarding area. Those passengers still needing

tickets, please purchase them at the ticket window.

Please take all luggage to the baggage loading area.

ROBIN:

Here we are. Okay. Take care of yourself.

HOLLY:

You, too. Get some sunshine, okay?

ROBIN:

Okay.

HOLLY:

Promise?

ROBIN:

Yeah.

HOLLY:

Okay. Take care of yourself.

ROBIN:

Okay.

HOLLY:

Bye, Jane.

JANE:

Bye.

HOLLY:

She'll get over it. See ya.

SCENE 30

WOMAN:

Thank you.

ROBIN:

It's her life.

JANE:

Yeah, but she gives us all a bad name with that "I'm

addicted to a bad guy" stuff.

ROBIN:

Well...

WOMAN #2

Thank you. I hope that everything was satisfactory.

JANE:

Um, actually, the green on number eight is a little

rough.

WOMAN #2

Oh really? Well, we'll check it out as soon as we

can. Is there anything else?

SCENE 31

ROBIN:

Jane!

JANE:

What? What? Why are you screaming like that? What?!

(They see in the newspaper that Nick is dead). Oh

sh*t.

SCENE 32

ROBIN:

Move closer! Just a little bit closer. Okay.

JANE:

There she is.

ROBIN:

Okay. Holly! Holly! HOLLY! HOLLY! Holly!

Nick...dead! No...Nick...dead! Sounds like "head!"

Oh, wait a minute. I have a good idea. (Writes the

French word for "dead" on the window).

JANE:

What are you writing?

ROBIN:

"Morre."

JANE:

She's not going to know what...

ROBIN:

It's French for "dead!" I can't write dead...!

HOLLY:

Who's Morty?

ROBIN:

(Holds newspaper up to window) Dead! Get off the

bus!

SCENE 33

HOLLY:

Oh, I can't believe this. I mean, he was alive when

we left! I have a photo. Do you think it would help?

Poor Nick. He was such a nice guy, once in a while.

JANE:

Stop with the "nice guy' stuff. They have to believe

this was self-defense.

HOLLY:

Who's "they"?

JANE:

What do you mean, "Who's they?" The cops in

Pittsburgh.

HOLLY:

Oh! You want me to go back there?

JANE:

Yeah!

HOLLY:

Now?

JANE:

Yes!

HOLLY:

I couldn't.

JANE:

Why not?

HOLLY:

Memories.

JANE:

What f***in' memories?

ROBIN:

Why does she have to go back? Why don't we just

pretend we never saw it?

JANE:

Please tell me you're kidding.

ROBIN:

No. When we left, he was alive. How do we know that

what she did killed him?

HOLLY:

Exactly! I mean, he could have tripped and hit his

head on the bat. It could happen.

JANE:

No! You're going back. This is not a game.

HOLLY:

I can't go to jail. Not with the baby.

ROBIN:

What baby, Honey?

HOLLY:

I'm eight weeks pregnant.

JANE:

What? You were going to bring a baby into that house?

HOLLY:

Oh, like what were my options?

JANE:

How about abortion?

HOLLY:

I couldn't do that. I'd feel like a murderer.

JANE:

Honey, you are a murderer!

HOLLY:

Oh God. To think it's possible that I killed my

baby's daddy.

JANE:

To think it's possible? You hit him in the head with

a baseball bat--he's dead!

HOLLY:

No! To think it's possible that Nick is the daddy?

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