Breakfast Of Champions Page #8

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through the fires of

truth to the other side...

and come back to tell us about it.

If there is anything you

need- I mean, anything-

don't be afraid to call me.

Ting-a-ling.

Hmm.

Dwayne.

Dwayne.

My feet are so hot.

I may never get this stuff off.

Kilgore Trout!

Kilgore Trout, Trout, Trout, Trout-

All your questions will

be answered tonight.

Look for me downstairs

in the cocktail lounge!

Kilgore Trout.

Kilgore Trout.

And just flap it right up

to a blank white canvas.

Then I would put Day-Glo bars

around it, and call it caged sh*t.

That's what I would do. Oh, man.

Breakfast of champions.

You said that the last time

you brought me my martini.

I say it every time I

serve a martini, Mr. Hoover.

That's probably why God invented

these little small towns,

so people could keep saying the same

stupid jokes over and over again.

I just like to cheer people up.

That's all.

Okay.

No.

Mr. Hoover, would you

just do me a favor, please?

I just- I just would-

I would love the honor...

of you signing my wrist.

I want to show it to my father.

He's sick in the hospital, and

the bills are just pilin' up.

It would really impress him. It would.

Thanks a lot. Nothin' special.

Just your autograph would be great.

Yeah, they opened him up and

it just keeps gettin' worse.

Don't know what we're gonna do.

There it is. There's that smile.

Just love it. we just

- we just love you. we do.

And when you said "bird

ca-ca" on TV the other day-

- Ca-ca. -

"ca-ca-"

my dad laughed for the

first time in two years.

Thanks. we just

- we just trust you so much. we do. Thanks.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

Ca-ca.

Dwayne, Dwayne,

Dwayne, Dwayne, Dwayne-

- Celia?

- Talk to me.

Talk to me, please.

we're not happy, Dwayne. Share

something with me, Dwayne.

Bye, Blue Monday.

I trust you, Dwayne.

Are you sorry, Dwayne?

Perhaps before-

They were taking Mr. Le Sabre to the

Midland General Hospital, north wing.

The

- The psychiatric ward.

Hold on, please.

Dwayne Hoover, Exit 11- I- I

don't know where Mr. Hoover is.

I got dollar36.

Sold.

And remember, you can

trust wayne Hoobler.

Get out of that car!

Oh, it's a tilt steering wheel.

Ooh.

All right, Bunny, I got this place rigged

for lighting exactly like we talked about.

So, the table's set. All you gotta

do is go out there and eat the dinner.

- Can do, Bill. Can do.

- All right.

You wanna give me a hug?

You go get 'em.

You know, I discovered

this kid with the rabbit.

Good evening.

Hey, great to see you here

Have a scotch Have a beer

- It's Kilgore Trout!

- There he is! It's Kilgore Trout!

Hey!

- Mr. Kilgore Trout. I'm Fay.

- I'm Kay.

This is indeed a rare pleasure.

- Oh, my goodness, I just love artists.

- They're so artistic.

Hey, feel the jive Join in the fun

Midland City America's number one

Yeah

That's Kilgore Trout. Play that intro

you got worked out. I'll get the lights.

Now, you're not from

around here, are ya?

Yeah. I'm from Exit 11 Motor Village.

I'm wayne Hoobler.

wake up Get out of bed

There's plenty of good art just ahead

Be right back.

Now salute the man we can't do without

The wonderful, lovable

beautiful Kilgore Trout

Yeah

Finally, Kilgore Trout?

- Kilgore Trout?

- Yes.

- The message, please.

- what?

My message! You know what message I'm

talking about! Is this it? Is this for me?

It's mine. What are you

doing with it? It's mine.

- what are you doing?

- "Dear, sir.

Poor sir, brave sir.

You are an experiment of

the Creator of the Universe.

You are the only creature in the

entire universe who has free will. "

That's godlike with a little "g".

Take my hand

I'm a stranger in paradise

"You are the only one who has

to figure out what to do next.

And why. "

That's exactly right. How did you know

- How did you know this?

" Everybody else is a robot, a machine.

Some persons like you, while

others seem to hate you.

And you must wonder why.

They are simply liking

and hating machines.

All of this has made you

pooped and demoralized. "

You see, this is me. I

am pooped and demoralized.

If this isn't nice, what is?

Out of the common place

Into the rare

Somewhere in space

"You are surrounded by machines

whose only purpose is to stir you up...

in every conceivable way...

so that the Creator of the

Universe can watch your reactions. "

- wait, there's more. There's more.

- This is it.

"The Creator of the Universe

would now like to apologize,

not only for the capricious jostling

companionship he provided during the test,

but also for the trashy stinking

condition of the place itself. "

The robots have been programmed

for millions of years to abuse it...

so it would be a poisonous, festering

cheese by the time you got here.

He also programmed the robots to crave

sexual intercourse more than anything else...

- so it would be crowded when you got here.

- You bet you.

He had the robots kill each other by the

millions for this purpose only that you be amazed.

They have committed every possible

atrocity and every possible kindness...

just to get a reaction from you.

That's right. That's right.

It's workin', kid.

- Thank you.

- No, thank you.

- Thank you so much, my friend. You helped me so much.

- You're entirely welcome.

- Thank you.

- Good, good.

Ah, ha-ha!

Nice guy.

Won't you answer-

Out of my way, dancing machines!

Just what I'm looking for.

Oh, so good to see you!

Where are the bravery machines?

Got you. when you were

a little boy machine,

I loved the way your head

was shaped like a cantaloupe.

Now look at you.

- Daddy, why are you doing this?

- Because!

You see? They don't feel a

thing. They're unfeeling machines!

Is this because of my creation? Is

this the sum total of what I stand for?

Will you explain exactly

what it is about my writing...

that made you want to,

to hurt these people?

You said it yourself

- "I'm the only creature in the universe that has free will. "

- Don't you remember?

- My God, that's not the answer.

Listen you!

Dwayne Hoover's gone berserk!

- I don't like you anymore!

- I feel the same way myself.

The New York machine!

Get out of my way! Ha-ha!

They don't feel anything anyway.

who wants some of the car dealer, huh?

You're not supposed to know

the answer, for cryin' out loud.

why not?

If you knew the answer,

there'd be no more questions.

Dwayne? Dwayne.

Come on.

Escape. Come follow me.

Young man!

Come on out!

Young man!

Olly, olly, oxen free.

Ha-ha! You are there.

- Hey, Mr. Hoover.

- Good. Yes.

- what do you say there, pal of mine?

- You really are there.

Hey, hey!

where are ya? Ah-

You're

- You're too good for me.

Hey. what the-

what kind of machine are you?

Hey, I'm wayne Hoobler.

And Eli said we couldn't trust

anybody, but in God we trust!

I never, never trust anybody!

Dwayne?

what are you, a trusting machine?

Yes.

why, yes, I am.

Dwayne?

Yes, I am!

I'm wayne Hoobler, and I'm home!

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