Bridegroom Page #3

He was a leader

in all aspects of the word,

In sports, and in school.

- # on the battlefield...

- Every time you met tom,

It felt like you were meeting

your best friend.

And it didn't matter

who you were...

He always had your back.

I think tom went to culver

Instead of the high school

in his hometown

Because he saw

it as an opportunity

To open his horizons,

And, you know, his parents

played a big role in that.

His mom worked at culver

Primarily so that they could

afford the reduced tuition

So that tom would have

all those opportunities.

He came out to me

our senior year.

It was at night, and we were

sitting in the grass,

And I remember he got really

serious all of a sudden,

And he said, "I have something

to tell you...

I'm gay. "

Then he put his head in his lap,

And he was crying

and really emotional about it.

I think he was really afraid

of being judged.

It didn't surprise me at all.

This is coming

from my friend who,

Probably three or four

weeks ago,

Was singing "I'm a barbie girl,"

While jumping on a trampoline

in his backyard.

- He knew everybody,

and everybody knew him.

I felt like

my popularity scale rose

Just because

I hung out with him.

Tom was friends

with anne hathaway in school.

He also was friends

with tom hanks' daughter.

I never could wrap

my mind around it,

Because here was tom,

this sort of midwestern,

Corn-fed,

american-pie-eating guy,

Who came

from this tiny town in indiana,

Who then went

to military school.

He was able

to get along and succeed

In that entire social circle

and academic circle

And then went to vassar,

which is this liberal place

And a completely different vibe.

He just sort of was magic.

- Tom, for as beautiful as he was

and, you know

The fact that he knew

how beautiful he was,

He did not care at all

about how other people looked.

And he did not care

where you came from,

What car you drove.

He just accepted anybody

and everybody for who they were,

And I think because he was gay

And because

he knew what it was like

To be not the mainstream,

normal person.

He told me many times

How much he respected me because

I was hearing-impaired.

What 20-something-year-old

says to you,

"wow, you're amazing...

you've done so much"?

"I'm in total awe of you... "

Who says that? Nobody.

- He gave recitals

of classical music.

He wrote

incredibly heartfelt lyrics.

But he was tough,

'cause he could kick your ass.

He could wrestle you down.

I know

that his dad was very stern.

The idea of manhood

and masculinity

And presenting yourself

in a certain way

Was important to him.

I think he wanted to have tom

basically play that role.

And tom knew

how to play it very well.

There was definitely

An unspoken understanding

between tom and I

That he was gay.

And I know

that was a struggle for him,

Because he still hadn't told

his parents.

I think tom

was literally worried

That his dad would kill him.

- Well, I'm leaving kalispell

right now,

And it's roughly 3:00.

And, yep, I am nervous.

I have been talking

to my family,

And everyone's crying

and doing that whole thing.

I'm gonna be on my cellphone

So it looks like

I'm not talking to myself.

Everyone gave me money

and told me to be safe.

So, here I go.

- After graduation,

he got a scholarship

To go to the school

here in town.

and so it was hard

For me to not have him take it.

'cause he wanted

to go to california.

- I knew,

when he went to hollywood,

He was going to be okay,

And he can mix in with

where a lot of gay people were.

- I didn't even know

he went to...

my mind is gone.

I can't remember many things.

- # I love rock 'n' roll

# put another dime

in the jukebox, baby #

- # what you are

# we made you

# oh, if you really love me

# a whole new wo-o-o-o-o-o-rld

# that's where we'll be

- We first met shane

At a family wedding

in missoula, montana.

He said, "eventually,

I'd like to move to california. "

Well, three months later,

We got a phone call from him

that he was here.

- So we kind of tried

to steer him...

Helping him get a job,

a place to live.

And we became

like his adopted parents.

- I think he was barely

18 years old,

This thin kid with curly hair,

Out of montana

into the big city.

He was very quiet,

very reserved.

- He showed me some head shots

that he took.

- He had wavy, wavy hair,

and he looked like liberace.

- Oh. Right. Right, right.

- And I thought, "oh, my god. "

- right.

- "what am I gonna tell

this kid?"

Shane said

he wanted to be an actor.

But after a very short time,

it became clear

He just wanted

to get to california.

- I got a job working

as a production assistant

For a tv show.

- Shane and I met

in the tape vault,

And it was pretty much

love at first sight.

He's got that small-town

kind of quality to him.

He's just so likeable

and funny and so humble.

Shane doesn't necessarily see

sort of what everyone else sees.

- One of my friends

that I worked with,

She invited me to go bowling

with one of her friends.

- We had this idea

That we had to get tom and shane

to meet each other.

But we didn't tell them

that it was a setup.

- She said that there was gonna

be this guy there named tom

And that he's active

in the industry,

So she thought that maybe

it would be a good person

To be connected with.

- We get there.

He is ridiculously attractive...

Gorgeous, if you will...

so charismatic.

He was an actor.

I think he had been

in a few things.

And almost immediately,

shane became skeptical.

He was like, "who is this guy?"

And I'm like, "why is he

bothering you so much, shane?"

- He was four years

older than me.

Like, he had traveled the world,

You know,

spoke a different language.

He played

a bunch of instruments.

He was just so cocky

and confident,

And, well, of course, he, like,

was bowling really well.

And then here I am, like,

can't even knock five pins down.

So, it wasn't too long

after we went bowling

That we all got together again

at my friend lizzy's apartment.

It was that night

That we finally exchanged

phone numbers.

We ended up hanging out,

You know,

a few times here and there.

And he was always singing.

He was always happy.

- # life is a highway

# I want to ride it

all night long #

- Tom and I, we would spend

all day together,

And then he would go home,

Which would lead to,

later in the evening,

Talking on the phone

for a few hours.

It did not take long

For me to really feel

comfortable with tom,

That I could tell him anything.

Like,

I trusted him with my life.

- Tom was a very confident

person.

he went after shane.

At first, shane was like, "aah,"

'cause he had never been

in a relationship before.

This was his,

you know, first love.

- We went to hear tom one time,

And shane would look around

the room while he was playing

Because he wanted to make sure

everybody was paying attention

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