Bridegroom Page #6

I'm tired of hearing about it...

So they're not romeo and juliet.

- That's right...

they're romeo and romeo.

Get over it.

- I did not like to show any

public display of affection...

Whether it would be us

on a plane flying somewhere,

And we wanted

to be affectionate,

We would actually take

a coat or a blanket

And cover our arms and like

hold hands under the blanket.

- I think that shane

was very conscious

Of where they were

And not making other people

uncomfortable.

- I never really wanted

To say, "I love you"

in front of friends or anyone.

So we developed

this little code...

Whether we're at like

a dinner or a party,

One of us would find a way just

to tap the table three times

Just to say, "I love you. "

So, that became a very special

sound for both of us.

- Tom was just so passionate,

and he was so affectionate

That it sort of brought shane

out of his shell a little bit,

As far as, you know,

being out in public

And not being ashamed

or embarrassed

That, you know, "yeah, this

is my partner, and we're gay. "

So what?

- Once, we were in paris,

And we were in front

of the eiffel tower,

I just decided like,

"screw it...

I'm just gonna sneak in a kiss,"

and I did.

Tom's face... he was just like,

"like, what just happened?"

He was so excited.

But then the first thing

we did after the kiss,

We like looked around,

like, "did anyone see us?"

But I'm so happy that I did that

'cause he was just thrilled.

- Tom wanted to marry shane,

but he wanted it to be legal.

He wasn't gonna settle

for a technicality,

Or an, "oh, it happens

to be legal right this minute,

But tomorrow it could not be. "

He was the kind of man

that just stood up for things,

And I think part of it

Was like he wanted to show

everyone back home that,

"I'm serious. This is me. "

- He bought me a ring

for christmas,

And we had agreed to not spend

any money on each other.

- He would tell me, he'd be like,

"but shane's gonna get mad,

Because we have a budget,

"but I just want

to get it for him so bad. "

- And I opened it,

and it was a ring

With a note in it that said,

"2011 will change our lives

forever.

Love, tom. "

- I had the image of their

wedding played out in my head.

I knew

it was gonna happen someday.

There was no question

that they wanted to spend

The rest of their lives together

and have a family.

- That was something he wanted

so bad.

He used to say,

"you know, I'd love to have

a little thomas running around. "

- And I guess

one of the saddest parts,

When I really think

about shane and tom,

Is the fact that, essentially,

They were living

the american dream,

With the exception of being able

to get married to each other.

Well, everyone, like, brings up

domestic partnership,

And it angers me in a way,

Because no little girl

is sitting in her room

And saying that,

"I can't wait to have

a domestic partnership.

"I can't wait to wear

a white dress

During my domestic partnership. "

That's not something

that people dream about.

They dream

about getting married.

And they weren't allowed

to do that.

And if it is ever legal,

They'll never be able

to experience it,

Because he's not here anymore.

- I was lucky to see tom

the Wednesday before he died.

# getting closer to the edge

# if I fall,

will someone catch me? #

And we talked about,

you know, shane,

And he said,

"I learned what love really is.

I used to have this idea

in my head when I was young,

And being with shane,

I've learned

What it really looks like

on a daily basis,

And it's so much more

than I ever thought possible.

That's what the song's called...

"if I fall. "

- # even if I fall

thank you for that.

Thank you for that.

- You're very welcome.

- All right. So, there you go.

"if I fall"... are we agreeing

That's what we're gonna call

the song?

All right.

- The thing that haunts me now

is we had a fight that morning.

Originally, we were supposed

to hang out with our friend alex

And go take photographs

together.

And after our little argument,

I decided

that I would just stay home.

- Tom and I decided to meet

at the studio.

And we kept

going back and forth.

And he was like,

"let's go to your place.

"I just remember

the sunlight in the kitchen.

I need

some of that sunlight now. "

And I was like, "okay. "

He was like, "no, "I want to do

something good for you.

Let's do a photo shoot.

It'll turn this day around. "

So, I had just started dating

this man,

And it was his birthday,

and I wasn't with him,

So tom was like,

"I want to make him jealous,

So let's put pictures of you

on facebook. "

And he was the one

that was like, "let's do it.

Let's do it. "

"hey, can I do your hair?"

I was like, "um, okay. "

And I have, you know,

my brassiere filled with socks,

'cause, you know,

there's just not much there.

- So, tom and I were texting

throughout the day.

And we eventually made up.

- It wasn't even a discussion

Whether or not

to go to the roof,

Because we always went

to the roof.

- And we told each other

that we love each other.

And I'm so thankful that we did

'cause I have that forever now.

- And so, by the time

we get up to the roof,

Tom has his camera.

He's all ready.

- We'd all been up there

like 50 times,

And every time,

I'm just paranoid.

'cause it's not like

a tall wall.

It's a short wall.

- He was just playing around

with the camera,

And, meanwhile, I know that he

had just been texting to shane.

I told him

to stay away from the edge,

'cause we all know

that he's a klutz.

And he even wrote back.

He was like, "ha-ha! I will... "

like, I was joking.

And I said, "tom, I'm serious.

Like, stay away from the edge. "

- So, he takes

a bunch of pictures.

I'm trying to be as slutty...

You know, not sexy,

'cause it wasn't sexy.

I'm in one corner,

and then we suddenly switch.

And he's like, "

I've got it! I've got it!"

So, he takes

like three or four steps back.

I don't think it registered

that he was gonna fall.

He was like, "ha-ha!"

and I was like, "ohh. "

You know, and I looked at him,

And it was like we both thought,

"oh, no.

Shane's gonna be so mad. "

You know, just like if he knew

that we were that close.

And then, after that,

it was a nightmare.

I didn't even go look

over the edge.

I just, like, threw my shoes on,

ran downstairs.

I had my phone

in my back pocket,

And I dialed 911,

but I couldn't hear.

So I just gave it to somebody

out in the hallway,

'cause people heard him.

- I received a text from alex

to tell me that tom had fallen.

And I thought it was a joke...

"there's no way this is real. "

So I texted her back,

and I said, "that's not funny. "

And then I didn't hear back

from her.

And so then I called

tom's phone,

And no one picked up.

So at that moment is when

my heart just started racing.

By the time I got there,

he's on, you know, his stomach.

And I'm rubbing his back.

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