Bridesmaids Page #12

minutes away from you.

And it makes me so sad.

Well, don't be.

Don't be sad.

Because things

are going to change,

but they'll be better.

You know?

You're gonna take

this huge, great,

beautiful step.

And Dougie loves you

more than anything.

And so do I.

But what about you?

What's gonna happen to you?

I'm gonna be fine.

So don't worry, okay?

I'm gonna be...

I'm gonna be fine.

I am fine.

And besides, you need

to blaze the trail for me.

And then report back

and tell me what's coming.

Whatever you say, boss.

All right, let's get

your dress on,

okay, and let's go

to your wedding.

Oh, yeah.

That's the other problem.

Don't you dare laugh.

Okay.

I cannot wear this dress!

Okay, don't panic.

This is a nightmare.

We'll fix it.

We'll tweak it.

I will not let you

walk down that aisle

unless you look

perfect and beautiful,

I promise.

Do you have a chainsaw

and a blowtorch?

I think this wedding

is gonna be a disaster.

No, don't say that.

If Helen had anything

to do with this wedding,

it is going to be perfect

and tasteful and beautiful.

That's true.

Will you, Douglas,

take Lillian to be your wife?

Will you love her,

comfort her, and keep her

and, forsaking all others,

remain true to her

as long as you

both shall live?

I do.

And will you,

Lillian, take Douglas

to be your husband?

Will you love him,

comfort him, and keep him

as long as you

both shall live?

I do.

By the powers

vested in me

by the state of Illinois,

I pronounce you

husband and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

Ladies and gentlemen,

here with us tonight is

Lillian's favorite band

singing her favorite song.

Put your hands

together for

Wilson Phillips!

Hi, everybody!

How we doing tonight?

I am not paying

for this sh*t.

Really?

It's the last one,

I promise.

The last one.

The last one.

I know this pain

Why do you lock yourself

up in these chains?

No one can change

your life except for you

Don't ever let

anyone step all over you

Just open your

heart and your mind

ls it really fair to feel

This way inside

Someday

somebody's gonna make you

want to turn

around and say goodbye

Until then, baby,

are you going to let them

hold you down

and make you cry?

Don't you know

Don't you know

things can change

Things'll go your way

if you hold on

for one more day

Can you hold on

for one more day?

Things'll go your way

Hold on for one more day

You could sustain

Or are you

comfortable with the pain?

You've got no one

to blame for your unhappiness

No, baby

You got yourself

into your own mess

Letting your

worries pass you by

Baby

Don't you think

it's worth your time

to change your mind?

No, no

Someday

somebody's gonna make you

want to turn

around and say goodbye

Until then, baby,

are you going to let them

hold you down

and make you cry?

What's so funny?

I put a loaded gun

in Dougie's carry-on.

The TSA is going to

just rip his ass apart.

Annie?

Oh. Hey.

Did you have

a nice evening?

It was beautiful. Yeah.

What did you

think of the wedding?

It was...

It was great.

It was great, right?

Yeah.

It was perfect.

It was great.

Yeah, it was great.

It was really

nice meeting you.

Yeah, it was...

Helen, it was really

nice meeting you, too.

Hey, you know, maybe

sometime the three of us

could go to

Rockin' Sushi together.

Thank you, Annie.

I would love that.

Your ride is here.

Hey, how did everything go?

Strangely well.

Good.

So, I ate your cake

that you left.

You did?

Yeah.

I mean, I had to

fight some raccoons off.

But that's okay.

I'm pretty strong and tough,

so it wasn't

much of a contest.

So that might have been...

I'm just going to

kiss you now

rather than just...

Officer Rhodes,

please report to...

Oh! I'm on duty.

And I need to

put my uniform on.

If I drive like this,

they're gonna think

I just stole a car,

which wouldn't be great.

You could ride

with me if you want.

You want to come?

Yeah, I do.

Come on.

All right.

Whoa! Whoa!

Where are you going?

I'm getting in the car.

No, no, no, you got

to get in the back.

What?

You can't sit in the front,

it's against regulations.

Come on. Come on.

You're going to make

me sit in the back seat?

Yeah, come on.

Sorry. Habit.

All right.

It's a force of habit.

Can I please get

in the front seat?

Actually, no, I'm afraid

there's a warrant

out for your arrest.

What? why?

Reckless driving,

littering, texting,

consuming alcohol

while operating a vehicle.

You didn't

think I was going to

let you get away

with that, did you?

Could we put the siren on?

Please?

Thank you.

I know that there is pain

But you hold

on for one more day

And you break

free from the chains

Yeah,

I know that there is pain

But you hold

on for one more day

And you break free,

break from the chains

Someday

somebody's gonna make you

want to turn

around and say goodbye

Until then, baby,

are you going to let them

hold you down

and make you cry?

Don't you know

Don't you know

things can change

Things'll go your way

if you hold on

Okay. Umm...

This is Tape 119.

Air Marshall Jon and I's

first sexual encounter.

Is there

a hungry bear anywhere?

I'm a hungry bear.

I just happen to

have this bear sandwich.

Is there a hungry bear?

I'm a very

hungry bear.

Did you see how

my flap opens?

Yeah, that's

a good-looking

bear sandwich.

Yeah, that's a

big bear sandwich.

Do you want a bite

of that sandwich?

Feed me.

It's meat and cheeses.

Uh-Oh.

I hope you don't have

a salad. Oh, yeah.

Hey, guess what.

Guess what, ham.

F*** it up.

I'm gonna f*** you up,

ham nipple.

Ham nipple.

F*** it up.

A little hard.

OW!

A little hard.

A little hard.

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