Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason Page #6

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is something that interests you,

then it has to be said that the view

from my balcony is quite outstanding.

Perhaps you'd like to come up

and have a little look?

I don't think so.

See over there? Along my arm.

That's it, over there.

That is Orion's Belt.

And next to that is a very sexy little

constellation called Ursa's Maiden.

Ah.

She's being very naughty

and trying to undo Orion's belt.

All right, what about...

that one?

Yes, well that is

a very, very famous star.

Um, right next to, of course, um...

I don't know, some other f***ing star

that's been there for years and years.

Seen one star, you've seen the lot,

that's what I say, Jones.

Different with girls, though.

Some girls...

...are special.

Are they?

I think so.

What is this special power

you hold over me, Jones?

And what about your therapy?

I think you might be it.

I'm not in love

So don't forget it

It's just a silly phase

I'm going through

And just because

I call you up

Don't get me wrong

Don't think you've got it made

I'm not in love...

God, I hope you're wearing

those giant panties.

Please.

Please be wearing the giant panties.

Please.

Oh, my old friends.

Oh, Daddy's home.

Did you miss me?

Because Daddy missed you. Yes, he did.

Wait.

Sorry.

Can I just have a minute?

Just a minute.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Big boys don't cry

Big boys don't cry

Big boys don't cry

Big boys don't cry...

- Everything all right?

- Yeah, sure.

Just a bit... nervous.

I mean, you see,

if I stay with you tonight,

well, it's definitely

the end of something...

important with someone.

Um, which has probably ended already,

- but perhaps...

- Bridge, Bridge Bridge, Bridge.

Doesn't everyone

deserve a second chance?

Hmm?

Except Hitler.

Well, he was very, very, very naughty.

What?

Nothing. Er, come back later, please.

Thank you very much.

Bridge, it's nothing.

Leave it. Leave it.

You made order for 10.30.

Order for what?

Me.

10.30.

You know, I've had it up to here

with this hotel.

- It's been cock-ups like this all week.

- You Mr Cleaver?

Yesterday, you with Maria.

She say you big tipper.

I mean, I'm up for it if you are.

Actually, no, that was stupid.

It's just one little slip.

Don't let it ruin what was gonna be

a fantastic weekend shagathon.

- I don't want a shagathon.

- No, nor do I. Nor do I.

- You're right.

- You're looking for a weekend of sex,

- I'm looking...

- For more. I feel I can change.

- I absolutely can change.

- I need to change.

I can't believe I fell for it again.

Daniel, I really do think

that you should go and f*** yourself.

Or her. But definitely not me.

- Think

- Think

Think about

what you're trying to do to me

- Think

- Think think

Let your mind go...

I can't believe he made up

the sex therapy thing.

Doesn't matter.

I finally learnt my lesson,

and it's an excellent lesson

to have nailed.

- F***!

- What?

No f***ing room in the f***ing suitcase.

There's room in mine. Give me something.

Great.

- What the hell is this?

- It is a fertility-snake bowl.

- Ooh.

- Jed gave it to me.

- Think think

- Let your mind go...

How romantic.

Freedom...

The way I look at it, in everyone's

life, there's a certain amount of sh*t.

- That's true.

- In the last year,

things have turned out pretty shitty.

So logically, mathematically, even,

it's got to be time

for something not sh*t.

- Like what?

- Maybe Mark will have chucked Rebecca.

And he'll run to my door,

fall to his knees,

possibly wearing a wet white shirt,

and beg me to come back.

- Think

- Think

Think about

what you're tryin' to do to me...

Yes, I very confidently expect

very, very good times ahead.

Final call

for all passengers to London...

Isn't he cute? Hello.

Hello. Oh...

Seems to be getting a bit excited.

Oh.

Er...

- Bridget!

- It's just a misunderstanding.

Hold the plane.

Hold the plane.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

All remaining passengers

please report to Gate 27 immediately.

It's not mine.

- These yours?

- Yes.

I mean, they're not my favourite pair.

You can't do this. I'm English.

And an award-winning journalist.

Well, maybe not award-winning, but I

have been to lots of award ceremonies.

Hello. Bridget Jones.

Lovely to meet all of you.

Oh, my bloody God and f***.

I hope they've told

the British ambassador.

Surely Shazzer

would have raised the alert.

Maybe they got Shazzer as well.

Oh, God, 28 hours.

How much longer?

Jones.

Bridget Jones, you come now.

Charlie Parker-Knowles,

Assistant Consul.

Thank God you're here.

Um, shall we...

I really had absolutely

nothing to do with it.

Jed planned the whole thing.

That's why he snogged Shazzer,

who's much older than him

and slightly past her peak.

Yes, he sounds the most frightful sh*t.

Mmm.

The bore is everyone who gets caught

has exactly the same story,

so unless we find this, this Jed fellow

and get a full confession,

you're on a bit of a sticky wicket.

Well, how sticky?

Something like 15 to 20 years.

- 15 years?

- Or maybe ten if we're lucky.

Ten years!

In here?

Very black.

All my life I've had the feeling

something terrible was about to happen.

Now it has.

Bijjit, right?

Bridget, actually.

My name Phrao.

You're my friend?

- Steady on!

- Superbra!

You lend me. One day, two cigarette.

Oh.

Well, I'll think about it.

Actually, I was thinking of giving up,

but that was before I was arrested

and thrown into a Thai prison

for ten to 15 years.

Circumstances change.

No, it really, really is "touched".

"Like a vir-gin,

touched for the very first time".

- No, you wrong.

- No.

Like a wersion

- Vir-gin.

- F***ed for the very first time

- Touched.

- Like a wersion

Ten years of this? I

Stop! Enough. Enough.

If you're going to do it,

you really ought to do it properly.

After all, Madonna is nothing

if not a perfectionist.

Five, six, seven, eight and one...

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats

Next to mine...

Dear Mum and Dad,

I'm missing you a lot.

Please write as soon as you can.

I'm feeling pretty low.

Bijjit Jone.

In there. You have five minutes.

Just five.

Mark?

You all right?

Oh... Fine.

Hmm.

And... scared shitless.

But, you know, perky.

I can't believe

you've come all this way.

I haven't. I was out here

handling a Foreign Office case

when I heard about your situation.

I haven't done anything wrong.

I promise you, it's all a big mistake.

Yes, well, I'm sure it is.

I've got all the papers here

and I'm sure we can sort it out.

I think about you all the time.

And I'm so sorry,

I really, really am,

for everything that happened between us.

Yes, well...

We don't have much time and I need you

to identify someone for me.

Is this the man with whom you were

seen taking hallucinogenic mushrooms

before you spent the night

with Daniel Cleaver?

Yes, that's him,

but I think you should know...

The same man who gave you

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