Bringing Down the House Page #2

and trust me,|you are not in it.

Move, move, move.|Let me do it.

See?

There I am.

Sorry you got it|twisted, dog.

I don't get a lot of|photo ops where I been.

Where exactly have you been?

I got a rumble in the jungle.|We still having dinner or what?

I asked you a question.

Rolex.

Rolex?

I did time, baby,|but I ain't do the crime.

You're a convict?

Bump that.

Shoot,|Roscoe cracked that door.

I kicked it off the heezy|and bounced.

For real, though.

What did you just say?

What, don't you hear good?

All right.

Let's see.|How can I put this?

I was recently liberated|from a correctional facility...

All right. I get it.

You're in the big house, and|you get someone to type for you,

and you get on the Internet,|and you misrepresent yourself.

It happens, and I'm a sucker,

but now you have to go,|because this is over.

Unh-unh. No, no, no.

Biscuit,|you misrepresented yourself.

Boyishly light... please.

Gray.

You said you was|a criminal lawyer.

I pulled your file.

You're just some sorry-ass|tax attorney.

A tax lawyer is|a criminal lawyer.

Oh, yeah?

Well, good,|'cause that's why I'm here.

Well, do tell.

Well,|I want to reopen my case.

And what did you do, smoke|some homies on a drive-by?

Smoke? Homies?

Well, you a regular|gangster, huh?

No, man. I was in for armed|robbery, but I didn't do it.

Yeah, nobody did it.

I can't be having|this conversation

because you're a criminal-type.

If I was a criminal,|I would have shanked you

when I had|that knife in my hand.

The fact that you even said that|is a problem for me.

- But I didn't think that.|- It's just time to go.

Please, just listen to me.|Just give me one second.

No, I don't have a second.

Okay, can I just|say something, please?

What?

I didn't do the crime.

You rude mother...

I ain't goin'.

It's your baby,|Peter, and don't you deny it!

That DNA test told on you!

You lie, Peter!

You know lil' Kareem is yours!

Why?!

How you gonna do me|like that, Peter?!

You told me I was your|beautiful African Queen.

And I loved you|for that, Peter!

I didn't care if your|little thing was curved.

And lil' Kareem don't want|your child support.

He just want a relationship|with his white daddy.

A little|chocolate/vanilla swirl

from that magical night|at the crackhouse.

Oh!

Come on.|Just be quiet!

Wait just a second.|My shoes.

- Mr. Sanderson?|- Whoa!

Is everything okay?

I thought I heard Negro.

- No. No Negro spoken here.

Oh.

Well... good night, then.

Oh, uh...

good night.

Come on!

Come on, come on!

You stay. You stay.|You wait right there.

Who you callin'?

- The police.

Police department.|Sergeant Panella. Please hold.

What's that?

It's all of our e-mails.

You think anybody at Tobias,|Kline, and Barnes

would be interested|in hearing

about you looking for Boom-boom|in the federal pen?

And I'll send a photo.

Thanks for holding.|Can I help you?

Now, this is just|for tonight, understand?

A'ight.

I can work with this.

But, uh, look,|don't be gettin' no ideas

about sneakin' up in here|and hittin' this ass,

'cause you blew your chance|with this fine sister.

Dare to dream.

Please.

Oh, my God! A bed!

Oh, a nice, big, cushy bed.

Ohh, no roommates,|no cellmates.

Charlene?

Charlene.

Charlene! Come on,|you're not fooling anybody.

Who that? Who there?

Who want it with Lene?

I put some bagels outside.

I thought|we could discuss your case.

Ahh!

What up, dog?|Where 'em bagels at?

Hey, guess what, girlfriend?|Your game is up.

Because I burned|all those e-mails,

including the second set hidden|in the lining of your coat.

And I deleted everything|off my computer.

So I never met you,|and you never met me.

Don't even try, girlfriend,|because it's locked.

And now I am going to go|get my kids,

as in innocent young persons

who will never even know|you were here.

So now just go.

Go, go, go, go,|go, go, go, go!

And locky locky!

So ta-ta.

And watch out.|The gate closes automatically.

Well, what about my stuff?

Oh, it's right there|on the street.

You put my stuff|on the trash?

Oh Well, you know what?

I wish you well.|I really do.

And you know what?|I had a great, great time.

It was really fun.

So, oh, well.

I guess I'll just see you|in my next life.

Bye!

I'll see you|when you get home.

So I said to him,

"Just 'cause you whisked me|to Paris on your private jet

doesn't mean|I'm gonna sleep with you."

What does he think I am?|A hooker?

Can Aunt Ashley|edit herself, please?

You stayed in|the same room with him.

What did you expect?

Hello. It was a suite...|plenty of floor space.

Sweetiepie, have a wonderful|time. I love you.

Please be good to your brother|and help him with his reading.

- I will.|- Thank you.

Is he still having problems?

Oh, he struggles every day,|but he's improving.

- Dad's here.

Thank you, sweetiepie.

Don't worry, sweetie.

Daddy's stupid, too,|and he became a lawyer.

Ashley!

I'm not stupid.

- That's right.|- No, no, no. Of course not.

Hey, Dad's here.

Speak of the dummy.

Hey, how's my little girl|doin', huh?

Hi, Dad.

Hey, how's it goin', big guy?

Ahhh, here you go.

Hi, Kate.

Hi.

Oh, Ashley, I didn't realize|you were gonna be here.

What a pleasant surprise.

Peter,|you're almost aging well.

Okay, I thought we'd go down|to the club and take a swim.

Ooh, that sounds|much more fun than Maui.

You know, Ashley,|not all of us earn our living

by milking rich geriatrics|out of their money.

Some of us have to work|for a living.

You sound much more intelligent|with your mouth shut.

Let's not start this.|I don't have time.

Kids, go get your stuff.

All right, fine.

But I warned you

about marrying the first|jerk-off you met out of college.

Now, if you'll excuse me,|I have a date.

Don't be good.

What morgue did you find|this one at?

Stop being so childish.

Hey.

Wow.|You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Uh, hi.

Uh, Peter, this is Glen.

Hey.

Hey, Mr. Sanderson.|Nice to see you.

Yeah, nice to meet you.

Uh, what do you say|we get this road on the show?

Okay.

I will meet you outside.

Okay.

Road on the show.

Just don't.

How old is he?

Younger.

- What does he do?|- Golf instructor.

- How do you know that?|- What?

Well, you think|you know somebody,

and then one day you wake up|in Thailand missing a kidney.

He could have made up|this whole golf identity.

He caddied for you|when he was 14.

That's little Glenny?

Does that bother you?

Not at all.

Go have fun|on your statutory weekend.

This does too bother you.|I know you.

Do you want to talk|about it?

Well, it just looks|a little silly.

- Hang on.

Hello?

Some things never change.

I can't talk right now.

Well, put him on.

Hi.

You promised us|you'd take us snorkeling.

Things come up.|That's life.

I know.|I'm really, really sorry.

But now it's over. It's new.|We're gonna have a lot of fun.

Now, what's new?|What's new with you?

Well, I got the female lead|in the school play "Oklahoma!"

Hey, that's great.|Congratulations.

And how 'bout you, big guy?|How's school?

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