Bringing Down the House Page #3

I don't like school.

Well, nobody likes school,

but there must be something|you like about it.

He got into a fight|the other day.

Why?|Why'd you get in a fight?

Some kids called me a baby|'cause of the way I read.

Some of the greatest minds of|all time had trouble learning,

like Edgar Allan Poe|and Albert Einstein

and, uh, Ozzy Osbourne.

Ozzy rules.

Ozzy rules. Okay.

Dad, what's goin' on?

You two wait here.|I'll be right back.

Hey!

Whoa, whoa. Where you think|you're goin', milk?

This here's|a charitable event.

You wants to get in,|you gots to make a donation.

Trust me, it is|off the hook in there.

Off the what?|I live here.

I don't care|if you're Halle Berry, man.

No donation, no entry.

How 'bout|if I call the police?

Have a nice time.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, baby, show me.

Hey! What the hell|is going on here?

Oh, yo, P., it's cool.

See, I hit up my homegirl

'cause I had to get my hair|done, as we both know.

And then she called a friend.|They holler to other friends.

Before you know it,|we got us a house par-ty.

I want everyone|out of here now!

People!

People!

Loosen your panties, Grandma.

Look, you lock me out,|no money, no place to go.

I mean, a girl got to get|her cheese on.

- Seven.

This is insane!

My boss' sister lives|across the street.

I can't have all these peop...

Hey!

Give me a hard seven, baby.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

She doesn't even have|her driver's permit.

Dad.

Do not go...

Roll! Uh!

Come on.

Don't inhale.

All right, now. Go on|and toss them bones, lil' man.

Hey! Give me...

I'm on a roll, Dad.

- Get out.

I want you and your dogs|to go back to the pound now.

What?

Well, it was the dogs?

Because she said dogs,|and then I said dogs,

so I assumed|that would be okay.

Huh?

- Whoo!

Tsk.

Ohh.

Bye, Tamika.|Y'all be good, now.

Bye.

Hey, hey.|Y'all got to go.

- A'ight.|- That's a'ight.

Hey, baby, gonna go.

Oh, bye, Bear.|Thank you so much.

Party's over.|Okay. Thanks for coming.

But that's it. It's over.

If I see Widow around,|I'm gonna tell him you're out.

You know|he wants to know that.

I don't know about that.|I'll see you.

- Okay. Bye, baby.|- Bye-bye.

It's like this.

Hey.

- How you doin', neighbor?|- What's up?

What are you still doing here?

- What was all that, Dad?|- Dad, who's this?

This is no one.

Tsk! What's up, lil' Romeo?

My name is Charlene.|What's your name?

I'm Georgey.

You cannot meet|a nonexistent person.

Can Charlene come to the club?

Club? What club?

We're not going to a club,|remember?

We're going to Hawaii,|remember?

Okay, you know the routine.|Outski!

- Out! Let's go.|- Come on, man!

Sarah, get the door.|Come on. Out.

Out, out, out!

- Wait!|- What?

Give me my money, lil' boy.

That money should go|to charity!

Ohh!

What did...

Hey, I live here.

Yeah!

What?

Okay, you guys.

You know, you order hot dogs,|and you splash and frolic

and just put everything on|my account and just have fun.

Didn't you bring|your bathing suit?

Oh, no.|I'm having tea with a client.

But I will be right back.

Whatever you say.

Want to go swimming?

With you?

Forget you.

Ow!

How's it looking?

Well, I was up all night|proofing.

It's absolutely brilliant.

And you've got the cleanest|background check I've ever seen.

That background check|cost me a lot of fun in my life.

- I don't know, honey.

Don't say anything.|She could hear you.

What's crackin', ma?

I'm lookin'|for the Sanderson table.

We old college buddies.

O-O-Okay.|He's i-in the dining room.

L-I'll show you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I tell you what...|I'll surprise him.

No, you're in great shape.|I'm gonna take off.

All right, you're right.|Nothing could go wrong.

I've done this a million times|with important clients,

so I'm fine.

- Shazam.|- What?

Oh, no.

Oh, swing it,|you cocoa goddess.

Cocoa Goddess? That's the rude|shock I was telling you about.

That's Charlene?

Did she see me?

Okay, okay, okay, police.

Uh, no.|Won't get here fast enough.

Uh, security.

No, she could probably|take him.

Uh, money.

She'll take money.

Hi, hi. Here, just...|Here's whatever.

And there's more where that came|from if you just leave now.

No. Unh-unh, boyfriend.|We got business.

Boyfriend?

Oh, didn't I tell you?|We're dating now.

It's some kind of street talk.

It's street for|"I'm not going nowhere

until you help my problem|go away."

Look, Mrs. Arness,|a very important client,

is due here any minute.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.|Mr. Sanderson?

Oh, yes.|He's in the dining room.

Thank you.

Charlene, how 'bout you and I

havin' a smart cocktail|down by the pool?

Who is this fool?

That's a good idea.|Just put it on my bill.

I don't want no smart cocktail.|I need your help.

Miss.

Another martini.

Oh, hell, no.|I know she ain't talkin' to me.

Ashley,|she doesn't work here.

If she isn't here to work,|then what is she here for?

Oh, hells no, Miss Thing.|You best pump your brakes.

She's my ex-wife's sister.

I would have killed her|myself years ago.

It's Mrs. Arness!

Mmm. Old Iron Ass|be lookin' mean.

Yes. You have to go.

You like raw oysters,|Charlene?

Yeah. I guess|I can hang out for a bit.

They got any hot wings|around here?

All right.|Whatever you want. Yes.

- You give me a place to stay?|- Yes.

- And you work on my case?|- Around the clock.

I'll leave|when you expunge my record.

Consider it expunged.

All right.|I'd like a key, please.

Mr. Sanderson?

Mrs. Arness.

Who is your associate?

This is Howie Rottman,|the attorney I told you about.

A great pleasure|to meet you, Mrs. Arness.

I meant her.

Oh.

Her?

Her?

Her is... her...

She is our... our nanny.

Dad, I'm bored.

Kids, how good to see you.

Don't we just love|our nanny, Charlene?

Uh... um...

Y-yeah.

Don't you just love being|our nanny, Charlene?

Yessir.

Now I'm gonna go on down|to the pool with the child'n.

Maybe we make fun of the white|folks again, huh, kids?

Ooh-hoo!

Oh, the kids just love her.

- What a sense of humor.|- Yeah.

Peter, I'm going to hang|by the pool.

If you need me,|that's where I'll be.

Mrs. Arness.

Uh, right this way,|Mrs. Arness.

Come, William.

You have the papers?

Oh, yes, yes, I do.

Strange clothes for a nanny.

Well, it's a fashion to kids.

- Ow!|- William, mind.

Hello, Sanderson family!

Georgey,|don't forget poker night!

I won't.

How could I forget|poker night?

I propose a toast.

Okay.

To us.

May we always...

- Sorry. It's mine.

Oh, you're not gonna|answer that, are you?

Well, it might be...|might be one of my kids.

Just one minute.

Sorry.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

Oh, hi, Ashley.|Everything okay?

I don't know.

I saw Peter hanging out|at the club today.

He was mingling with|a large black woman.

What? What are you|talking about?

He said it was his nanny.

She didn't look like any nanny|I'd ever seen.

She was all...|tattooed and welfarish.

- It was...

Oh, is that funny to you?|Is that funny?

Am I funny to you?

No, no.|That's not funny.

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