Bringing Down the House Page #4

Were you laughing at me?

Oh, I wasn't...

Stop. Get away.

No, I wasn't|laughing at you.

Just... hang on.

Um, you know, look,|I know Peter. I know him.

He's not gonna spend all his|time taking care of the kids.

He went and hired somebody!

Seriously, Kate!|This woman was no nanny.

You need to do something.

I saw this woman.|I was there.

Shouldn't you at least|be looking at references?

Thank you. Thank you.

Listen, Peter is nothing|if not responsible.

It's not like he's gonna|hire a convicted felon.

Oh, I wouldn't be too sure|about that.

Ohh!

Let's see... we got resisting|arrest, assaulting an officer,

repeated attempts|at eye-gouging,

and... scrotum crushing.

Well, I was a little riled up,|being framed and all.

And your clothes and I.D.|Were found at the scene.

All plants.|I never robbed nobody!

Okay.

I know my rights.|I get an appeal.

I get an appeal!

You only get an appeal if you|were convicted and incarcerated.

You were released.

Look, why don't you just|start over?

Go back to school and get|at least a passing familiarity

- With the English language.

It's no end|to what you can accomplish

with a little commitment.

My daughter Sarah|is fully committed,

and she's going places.

Oh, she's goin' places,|all right.

HOWIE:
So, it's a charitable|remainder trust.

That way, the old tightwad gets|a huge deduction every year.

Uh, no more calls, Sofia.

It's not a call.|There's someone here...

Girl, get out!

I do not know who you are...

Send her in.

Bet you know me now, huh?

This couldn't wait|until tonight?

Well, well, well!

Come in, have a seat,|spend some time.

Thanks, homeboy,|and, no, it can't wait.

You gotta check this out.

- What is it?|- I found the deposition.

The prosecution interviewed|an eyewitness,

and she told them|that the perpetrator

didn't have a tattoo|on the chest.

They never told my lawyer|about this sh*t.

That's withholding exculp...

Exculpatory evidence.|People vs. Stanley, I know.

How do you know that?

Why wouldn't she know that?|She's got it goin' on.

Damn, Pete, all I did in there|was read law books.

And with comprehension.

Made you think I was a lawyer.

I mean, you obviously have|pockets of intelligence.

So, why do you walk and talk|and act the way you do?

Because it's sexy.

It ain't actin'!

This is who I am.

I mean, you think|I can't talk like you?

Oh, Peter,

I absolutely love what|you've done with the place!

It's so sterile, so...|so bland, so wonderful!

See? You can do it.

Oh, you like that, huh?

Well, you can kiss|my natural black ass,

because I don't need|your approval.

No, she don't need|your approval.

Hey, you don't think|I compromise the way I act?

You think I like walking around|like an uptight... honky?

Yes. I know your lingo.

Peter, Mr. Tobias|is coming to see you.

Oh, God.

Well, this should be|interesting.

Uh-oh. What we gotta do,|play "hide the sister"?

Or do I gotta do|that slave thing again?

Just... just act natural.

- Let's get her out of here.|- Why don't we get her out?

Um, um, um, um, um...

Peter... Howie.

Ed.

Who is this?

- Uh, this is the...|- Well, we were just having...

Well, Mr. Sanderson,|I can see you are very busy.

That's why I really|appreciate you

offering your services|free of charge.

Oh, I... well,|I just... gosh.

- Peter...

She is...

Well, see,|Mr. Sanderson here,

being the heavenly man|that he is...

God bless you!

Oh, you got that anointing|on you...

...has offered to do the taxes|for the Compton Evangelistic

Episcopal Baptist church|of South Central.

You know,|just anything to help

Reverend Shack... tillfont.

Just call him Shack.

Shack.

Well, I'll let you guys go.

I'll see you at choir rehearsal|on Thursday.

7:
00, now!

I'll escort|Mrs. Shacktill... font

to the elevator.

Gentlemen.

Uh, Peter,|we're really in a crunch.

I just got word that another|firm's in the running

for the R&S account.

We need to close this deal.

Look...

I have no problem being|Peter's wingman on this one.

Oh, well, thanks anyway, but I|really have it under control,

so, you don't have to worry|about a thing, Ed.

Good. Then I'll expect you|to wrap it up in a day or two.

- That's the plan, certainly.

Well.

Could you...

- Sure.|- Thank you.

Thank you.

She can't tee up her own ball?

I've been playing this game|for many years...

That's what it feels like.

...and it's all about|patience.

PETER:
|Well, you beat me by 19.

MRS. ARNESS:
|Uh, let's make it 20.

All right.

Mrs. Arness, I was wondering

if you'd like to come over|to my house on Thursday

and possibly|look over the contract.

I'll have to check with|my secretary, Julia.

Mrs. Arness, would you|excuse me for a minute?

I just have to|check on my children.

Oh, of course.|You do that.

I'd like to dip you|in Cheez Whiz

and spread you over|a Ritz Cracker,

if I'm not being too subtle.

Boy, you are|some kind of freaky.

Oh, you have no idea.

You got me|straight trippin', boo.

Hey, hey, hey!|Hey, what are you doing here?

What does it look like?|I'm on a date.

On a date.

She's on a date?|She's a felon.

- I am not a felon.|- Hey, what is she doing here?

Get used to it, Twiggy.

You're gonna be seeing|a lot more of me around here.

Not without a broom|in your hand.

If I have, it's 'cause I'm here|to sweep up the white trash.

Save it for the YMCA, Jemima.

B*tch! I'm gonna kick|the bulimia out of your ass!

Have you ever had|a tempered moment?

Why don't you go back to the|vodka bottle you crawled out of?

Mrs. Arness is here.

I am sheltering you.|I'm helping you.

Remember, I helped you...

All right!|I'll let it ride.

Thank you for letting it ride.|That is wise and mature.

Now, just get her walking|that way.

Let me show you the place,|Charlene.

Looking good, Lois!

Hey, freak boy...

I'm gonna make myself a little|more luscious for you, okay?

I'll be right back.

Okay, precious.

What are you doin' in here?

I told you you was gonna be|seein' more of me, right?

Look, I came here to warn you.

You keep disrespecting me,

and it's gonna get rough|around here.

Back off, Shaniqua.

You don't scare me.

You know what? That's it.

You must need a little more|eye shadow, right? Come on!

You've messed with|the wrong W.A.S.P., b*tch.

Compliments of Tae-Bo,

two hours a day,|five days a week.

Compliments of the 'hood,|24 hours a day, all my life.

You know, for a skinny white ho,|you're pretty tough.

And I don't ever want to have|this conversation again!

"The girl had dou..."

"...ble..."

"...double D-cups."

There you go. You got it,|lil' man.

"I put my mouth|on her nip..."

"...ples."

What is that?

What are you doing|letting him read th...

He read. You read.

Georgey, you read.

I'm gonna kill you!

I am so proud of you.

I'm turning you in!

Pfft.|I found it in your drawer.

Well, I am a grown man|of 54... 41... 49 years old,

and he's 8, and what I read|in the privacy of my...

How'd you do it?

Oh, God,|I'm never gonna get this done.

Look,|the boy don't look carefully

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