Bringing Down the House Page #5

at the details in a word,

so most of the time,|he's just guessin'.

What you got to do|is just slow it down

and give him somethin'|stimulatin' to read.

Dad?

What's a rack?

It's a country.

Well...

I was just doin' it|'cause he was botherin' me.

Well, either way...

Can you get rid of this?

Just put it back in my room,

'cause I'll get rid of it,|'cause I have a special...

Well, Mrs. Kline,|how wonderful to see you.

Come in!

It's girls poker night|at the house.

Where's my little dealer?

Well, just wait right here,|and I will just go get him.

Georgey, Mrs. Kline is here!

Hi, Mrs. Kline.

Come on, Georgey!

Tonight, I'm gonna|teach you to bluff.

And I think we need to|comb your hair differently.

You look like a fag.

- I'm not a fag!|- I didn't say you were.

- Hello.|- Hi. How are you?

Oh, good evening, sir.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Dad, I don't want you|to freak out, okay?

Why would I freak out?

Well...

Dad, this is Aaron.

Hi.

- Hello.|- How do you do, sir?

L-l-I'm so glad|to actually meet you.

L-l-I told Sarah|that it was very important

that you feel comfortable|with me

taking her to|my parents' for dinner.

So, this is a date?

Oh, um, I'll have her home|by 11:00 at the latest, sir?

I guess that'd be all right.

All right. Did it work?

Yeah,|like a charm, my friend.

All right. Let's party.

Hey, watch the seats.

- All right...|- Oh, shut up.

No, I'm serious.|It's leather.

Hmm.

Well, look at you,|all growed up.

There's nothing to eat|in the house.

Yeah.|You comin' to a point?

Well, I'm hungry.|Are you?

You askin' me out?

Well, no, I'm not.

Yes, I am.

Okay.

Oh, look at the legs|on this wine.

I'm telling you,|this place is bangin'.

Don't you just mean,|"This is nice"?

Why the word "bangin"'|make you so uptight?

You're smart... if you'd just|deign to speak English

with what you learned|on the Internet and in prison,

you could be|a paralegal tomorrow.

Like they gonna be beatin' down|my door to let me in school.

You're exactly|the kind of person they want.

Well, why would I want|to do that, anyway?

I've been to your office.

Everybody's all uptight,|overworked,

tired, stressed-out,|don't see their family.

"Ooh, Ed is comin'."|"Ooh, Tobias."

I get a wedgie|just walking in your office.

Hey, it's what people do.|They work.

Look, all I'm sayin' is|I did the confinement thing

for four years.

If you're so concerned|with my future,

just help me clear my name.

I got it from there.

I got my own dreams,|my own goals.

- Hey, give it to me.

Hey!|What'd you do that for?!

- 'Cause you work too much.|- This is my phone!

That's probably why your wife|left your sorry ass.

Okay, Oprah, if you're so good|at relationships,

how come you don't|have a boyfriend?

I had one.

It's just I haven't seen|or heard from him

since I went in|four years ago.

Were you in love with him?

Come on, let's go dance.

Ha ha ha ha... no.

Come on. When is|the last time you danced?

At my wedding.

Don't worry, I can dance.|It's just that I don't wanna.

Come on, smooth. Show me|what you're workin' with.

I can dance.|I just don't want to dance.

Man, you can't dance.

- Well, I got moves.|- Let me see.

All right, all right.

Okay, one last|little drink here.

What, you got to pee?

This was big in high school.

Man, look, you can't dance|from your brain.

You gotta feel it.|Now, come on.

Show me how|you made them kids.

- What the hell...|- How's this?

That's great for an epileptic.|Come on, now.

You gotta move your pelvis|with it.

More hips.|There you go.

Get smooth with it.

Well, I'm sorry.|I can't help it. I miss him.

Oh, snap out of it, already.

I'm snapped. I'm snappy.

Oh, God, Ash.

I still can't believe|you were hit by a car.

Did you call a lawyer?

Oh, I can't talk to a lawyer.|I was jaywalking.

So, can we just stop...

- What?|- Oh, my God.

What?

Look at that!

Oh, my God, it's true.|Look at that! Look at that!

He never danced like that|with me.

I'm gonna go talk to him.

No! Sit!

Why?

I can't tell you.

If I talk about it,

gangster people will come|to my house and cut me.

Oh.

Oh, he almost looks|like a fun person.

Must've been me.

Was it me?

No. Stop beating yourself up.|It's him.

Can we just|get out of here? Now?

You know what they say...

once you go black,|you never go back.

Can we get the check, please?

And that's why|I worked so hard,

so I could give Kate a good|life, then it backfired!

Man, b*tches don't care|nothin' about that sh*t.

Oh, b*tches do too care.

I'm gonna|tell you a secret...

sometimes I drive by our old|house, and I just look at it,

and I just remember our life,|and it just hurts!

Man, that is so pathetic,|P. Diddy.

But you know what?|I'm gonna help you get her back.

How?

Well, first,|we gotta create a mood.

Just like at|the restaurant, baby.

I'm already there.

Yeah.|Now, feel the Barry.

Feel Barry White.|Talk like Barry.

- Okay, that's Barry.|- Yeah.

This is Kate.

Hey, Kate. Yeah.

I want you to talk nasty|to her!

Talk nasty!

I'd like to kiss you a lot.

Cut that sensitive sh*t,|Nancy Boy!

What?

- You gotta be a beast!|- A beast!

Yeah!

In the bedroom,|a woman wants a man

that knows how to ride her|when she bucks.

Ride 'em when she bucks!|Ride 'em!

It's just... I can't.|It's a sculpture. I just can't.

All right, okay.

Use me, then.

Damn it, grab these.

- What?!|- Grab 'em!

Oh, I get it, yeah.

- Hey, Kate.|- Uh-huh.

Yeah, you've been waitin'|for this for a while, huh?

That's right. Now,|what you gonna do to her?

I'll tell you|what I'm gonna do!

I'm gonna give you|an aromatherapy massage

with incense!

No! Come on, now!

Wimps give|aromatherapy massages!

Tell her again!

All right!

I'm gonna have...

sexual intercourse, baby!

No, you... you a beast!|You need some of these.

- Yeah.|- Cojones grande!

Yeah! I'm gonna put 'em|in my pants!

- Get in there, boys!|- Now, grab 'em!

- Grab 'em. Yeah, hey, baby!|- Grab 'em!

Now, what you gonna do?|What you gonna do?!

Yeah, Mama! You gonna be|my tawdry little woman?

Damn right!|Now get to humpin'!

- Ya-hoo!|- Whoa!

- How 'bout that, huh?!|- Yeah!

How would you like me|to pounce on you

- like a lion from above?|- I like it! I like it!

- Yo!|- That's what I'm talkin'!

You ain't just|no king of the jungle,

you own that jungle!

That's your pride!

You own that jungle,|and ain't no one

gonna come around|and mess with your pride!

That's right!|I like that.

Yeah! You ain't ready|for that sh*t! Come on, now!

Be a beast! What you gonna do|when she starts ridin', huh?

Take care of her!|That's what I'm gonna do!

- Uh-huh! Uh-huh!|- You're mine, Kate!

- Ride that lighting rod!|- You don't need these no more.

You got your own!|You found your balls!

Yeah, I don't need those balls!|I got my own balls!

Mandingo!

What goes on in your personal|life is none of our business,

but if it begins|to affect the firm,

we need to call attention|to it.

Guys, we were moving a statue,

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