Broadway Danny Rose Page #6

He's getting on her nerves.

She's getting on his nerves.

- Jesus! Where the hell are we?

- All right, take it easy.

Don't tell me to take it easy,

because I've had enough already today.

I'm a personal manager.

I got a big night ahead of me.

Meanwhile I'm wandering

around here in North Vietnam.

- We got away, didn't we?

- I got nothing to get away from.

I didn't do anything.

I'm running all of a sudden with

fortune-tellers and meat hooks.

I'll take care of it when we hit a phone.

A phone? We're in a swamp, darling.

Where is there gonna be a phone here?

She's with Lou

and they wanna break my legs.

- I don't have to go tonight.

- Well, that's fine with me.

Then don't, because

I'm too scared already anyhow.

Lou, I wish you wouldn't drink like that.

You've got an important show tonight.

I got a cold sore tonight.

Look at this thing over here.

- It's nothing.

- It's gotta be tonight. Believe you me.

And those TV people,

they notice everything. They're pros.

- They got it down to a science.

- Turn on the ball game.

I can't even decide whether to go with

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams"...

...or "Three Coins in the Fountain"

as an encore.

The kids are driving me nuts over here.

Give me a break over here.

I wonder where Danny is. I'm waiting

for his call. I got a million questions.

- Where is Danny?

- Went to pick up his date in Jersey.

I guess they probably got tied up in traffic.

- Who's his date?

- How do I know? Some broad.

- Jesus. We're in the middle of nowhere.

- I never saw so many reeds in my life.

- I feel like Moses.

- Lou's probably worried sick.

Lou is probably drinking out of the

promotional-size whisky bottle by now.

Hey, wait a minute. I know where we are.

These are the flatlands.

My husband's friends

used to dump bodies here.

Great. I'm sure you can show me

all the points of cultural interest.

Hey, who are you?

Who are you?

- Who are you?

- We're lost.

We're shooting a commercial

down by the river.

Fantastic! Unbelievable!

What a break! I'm Danny Rose,

theatrical management. God bless you.

- This is Tina...

- Vitale.

Hi. I'm Ray Webb, the actor.

How you doin', babe?

Listen, we gotta get a car. Is it possible?

- There are no cars out here till tonight.

- We need one now. It's an emergency.

I'm a theatrical manager, so I gotta see

Berle at the Waldorf later. Milton Berle.

There's a guy there with a boat. Give him

a couple of bucks. He'll take you across.

- Great, great.

- I don't travel by water.

It's against my religion.

I'm a landlocked Hebrew.

You ever seen me on TV? I play

the shaving-cream man from outer space.

- Wanna feel my cheeks, huh?

- Funny.

Come on, Danny. We gotta take this boat.

Lou's waitin'. Come on.

Five minutes across the Hudson.

It's nothin'.

You want me to go on the Hudson River?

That's crazy!

How did you two get out here

without a car?

I've been through thick and thin

with that car.

- Now I gotta leave it overnight?

- Pick it up tomorrow. It'll be fine.

If anything happens to that car,

I'll be furious, Tina. I will be furious.

OK. Now they're gonna go back

to Manhattan by boat.

A boat, mind you.

Can you picture Danny Rose on a boat?

I mean, this guy is strictly pavement.

He needs the smell of carbon monoxide

and litter to feel good.

Danny is not meant for water.

So, naturally, the minute

he steps on the boat, he's gone.

A lunch he ate in 1956

is beginning to come up on him.

He's green. He's dizzy.

Tina's fine. She's made of steel.

I'll tell you what's going through her mind.

She's thinking of a conversation

that she and Lou had a week before.

- Hey, hey! All right!

- Listen, Lou...

...I don't want you to break up

with your wife because of me. I don't...

Tina, it's not you.

This has been on my mind.

I'd feel like a home-wrecker.

That's what I feel like.

I gotta change my whole lifestyle.

The thing you gotta change

is your management.

Listen, Danny's all right. So he's

no worid-beater. I mean, he's all right.

I know nothin' about show business.

And I got nothin' against the guy...

...but I see the joints you work

and the way things are going.

You're better than all these new guys.

- You're prejudiced cos you like me.

- Yeah, sure I am.

Listen, Danny'd be lost without me.

He's countin' on me.

You know what you're doin'.

Why don't you let me

introduce you to Sid Bacharach?

How do you know him?

Why would he give me his time?

He was good friends with my husband.

They were both very tight in Atlantic City.

- Sid Bacharach, huh?

- He's a big guy, right?

Big gun, big gun. No two ways about it.

OK. Now they're in the middle

of the Hudson River.

The fog has come in. Danny's face is -

what colour should I say?

It's khaki. The man has a khaki face.

So Tina wanted Lou to leave Danny

and go with Sid Bacharach?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

See, three days earlier...

... Tina had set up a secret lunch meeting

at some steak joint in Manhattan.

Well, guys, we finally made it.

Lou Canova, Sid Bacharach.

- Sid, this is Lou.

- A pleasure, Mr Bacharach. Truly.

I've only heard wonderful things

about you from Tina.

- She does that all the time.

- No. You remember Lou from the '50s.

- He's got it.

- I remember "Tossin' and Turnin"'.

That thing on "Perfidia" too.

Now I understand

you already have representation.

He's loyal to a guy who means well

but he can't seem to move him.

I know all about those things...

...and sometimes it just doesn't work out

and he can't help you.

It's my career. It's my life.

I gotta do what's right for it.

I really wanna catch your act. I know this

nostalgia thing is really coming on strong.

- He's hot now.

- I'm gonna be at the Waldorf on the 25th.

25th. Be great if you could come, Sid.

He's ready.

All he needs is somebody

with a little clout to open some doors.

I'll do my best to make it on Sunday night.

Don't worry about it.

I'll get you in the back.

- You won't regret it.

- No problem.

OK. So Tina's thinking about all this stuff

while they're sailing across the Hudson.

Meanwhile, the two crazy brothers

are in New York looking to kill Danny.

Wasn't Tina gonna make a phone call

and have 'em called off?

She did, the minute they got ashore,

but it didn't work.

- So what's happening?

- You're gonna have to lay low for a while.

- What do you mean?

- You got any friends outta town?

- Outta town? Like where? Are you nuts?

- You better check into a hotel.

You were gonna settle this

with one phone call.

It's gonna take a few days.

Meanwhile, they're looking for you.

Darling, can I say one thing?

I'm going to the police.

No, that's a mistake. You gotta lay low.

Lay low? I didn't do anything! My whole

life I never got involved in any trouble.

I eat the right foods. Now I gotta lay low?

Jesus! You said one phone call.

I know. It's gonna be taken care of.

I got someone onto it.

- My advice is to check into a hotel.

- I got an apartment.

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