Broadway Danny Rose Page #7

- Why do I need a hotel?

- You can't go back there for a few days.

I'm gonna spend for a hotel

while I'm carrying an apartment?

All right, it's a mix-up.

Just don't go home, that's all.

I gotta go home.

You know, you're bad news, honey.

I knew that when you were

starting with the ice pick on Lou.

Nice giris don't screw around

with ice picks.

- Just don't go home.

- I gotta go home.

I gotta get my pills and my shorts. And

Lou, the poor guy, he's probably a wreck.

I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk.

I mean, I'm OK.

I'm gonna be all right.

Now where you been?

I'm goin' crazy. Where's Tina?

Lou, Lou, take some black coffee

and get over to the Waldorf. She's here.

You speak to him, cos he's lost.

He's gone already.

Lou, I'll be there, honey.

Just do what Danny says.

- Be nice to him.

- We'll meet you at the place.

Of course I miss you.

But will you lay off the sauce? All right.

He's drunk.

I knew this was gonna happen.

Where are my pills? I need

a Valium the size of a hockey puck.

- Who's this? Who is this here?

- What do you mean? That's Frank.

Frank, Tony Bennett and me.

This was a big night.

See me up there? A little tiny smudge

that's like a fingerprint. That's my head.

There I am with Miss Judy Garland.

Never a dearer woman existed.

- Where are you?

- Well, I'm right outside of frame.

Cos if the picture went on another inch,

I would be... I was back behind the dais.

And here's Mr Myron Cohen and...

Jesus, where is my bottle of pills?

- How long have you had this joint?

- Joint? This is rent-controlled.

You oughta fix it up.

You're living like a loser.

Nobody ever comes over,

so what do I care?

Nobody comes over?

You ever been married?

No. I was engaged once

to a dancer, you know...

...but she ran away with a piano player

and I broke off with her.

- You know what I'd do with this room?

- What?

Liven it up. Do it all in somethin' up,

you know. Pink, maybe?

- Pink?

- Yeah. You know, you gotta lighten it up.

Pink with maybe some gold wallpaper.

And you need fabric, you know.

Like big purple pillows or somethin'.

Maybe some incense.

What is this?

A Turkish whorehouse? I live here.

I'm serious. You gotta lighten it up.

Maybe some bamboo furniture. Bamboo.

I always wanted to do a room

in bamboo with, like, zebra skins.

- Really? Are you serious?

- Why not? It's exciting.

What you're talking about

is like a tropical motif, right?

- It's funny, cos actually I like bamboo.

- Really?

Picture, like, hanging plants maybe,

and a really nice tile floor.

Bamboo furniture.

It's very beautiful and very dramatic.

- You got an eye for drama.

- You really think so?

You sound surprised.

Nobody ever liked

my African-jungle idea before.

I always had this as a dream.

You're the first person ever liked it.

I'm willing to bet that you're full

of good ideas, but you lack confidence.

- You don't have any confidence.

- It's my big problem as a decorator.

Sure, it's like the acts I handle.

I could straighten you out in no time at all.

Cos I don't see you just decorating little

joints and little apartments in the suburbs.

I see you doing your gold walls

and your Turkish pillows...

...and all that garbage in hotels

and embassies and stuff.

- Really?

- Yeah, naturally.

- You could. I can smell it.

- I don't think so.

The boat's sailed for me. I should have

been more serious when I was younger.

Younger? You got

your whole life ahead of you.

The trouble is I look at my work

and I think it's ugly.

Well, my uncle Morris,

the famous diabetic from Brooklyn...

...used to say "If you hate yourself,

then you hate your work."

I sleep at night.

It's you that's got the ulcer.

I got an ulcer, but it may be a good thing.

You know what my philosophy of life is?

That it's important to have some laughs,

but you gotta suffer a little too...

...because otherwise

you miss the whole point to life.

- Know what my philosophy of life is?

- I can imagine.

It's over quick, so have a good time.

You see want you want, go for it.

Don't pay attention to anyone else. Do it to

the other guy first, or he'll do it to you.

This is a philosophy of life? It sounds like

the screenplay to "Murder Incorporated".

Hold this. That's ridiculous.

No wonder you don't like yourself.

Stop saying that. I like myself fine.

Down deep, I sense that you don't.

- You're the one that's livin' like a loser.

- Why? Cos I haven't made it?

That's the beauty of this business.

Overnight you can go

from a bum to a hero.

- I think it's gonna happen now with Lou.

- We better get going.

Just let me say one thing. My uncle

Sidney - lovely uncle, dead, completely -

used to say three things:

Acceptance, forgiveness and love.

That is a philosophy of life: Acceptance,

forgiveness and love. There's where it is.

So tell me more about the bamboo room.

I'm gonna stay one night. One night.

Cos I don't wanna incur expense.

I'm gonna make a phone call.

I got another idea.

- How much is a single room?

- Sorry. All filled up.

Tina?

Tina?

Tina, darling?

Hello, Danny.

Get in the car!

Get in the car!

Fellas... Fellas, can I... May I just interject

one thing at this particular point in time?

- Keep goin' straight.

- Look, I like Johnny. I like your brother.

I got nothing against him.

I just met him today. I liked his poem.

What's under discussin here is

the girl's feelings. Where is the girl?

We're gonna take

real good care of you, pal.

I wanna say one thing, and I don't mean

to be didactic or facetious in any manner.

She doesn't love him.

She doesn't love him any more.

I know it's hard to take. Because

we all want what we can't have in life.

It's a natural thing, but take

my cousin Ceil. Not pretty like Tina at all.

She looks like something

in a reptile house in a zoo.

- She meets this accountant...

- Will you shut up?!

Wait, wait, wait. No.

You misunderstand me.

- Goddamn you!

- I'm trying to make a point.

Fellas, fellas, I'm a veteran. I'm a veteran.

- Get the axe.

- There's an axe?

Fellas, I'm the beard.

I'm just a beard. You don't understand.

He's telling the truth.

He has nothing to do with this.

You don't believe me, right?

- We're gonna chop your legs off.

- Fellas, I'm only the beard.

Would I waste my time

with a guy like this?

Then who? You want him to walk

outta here, you have to give us a name.

- I'm not talking.

- No, you tell us, you punk.

You don't want me

to rat on a friend, do you?

Let me quote Rabbi Hirschhorn,

an extremely learned man...

...perhaps not of your persuasin.

- Who you bearding for?

- I'm not the guy. Isn't that enough?

- You two are dead men.

Oh, yeah? Who you bearding for,

you little cheese eater?

Cheese... I don't know exactly

what it means, but I know it's not good.

Who are you bearding for?

I'll put a bullet right between her eyes!

- Don't do that! I'll talk!

- Danny, don't! They'll kill him!

I don't wanna get my legs chopped off

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