Bruce Almighty Page #14

ON JACK:

6 2.

He sees Bruce enter, immediately perks up. *

JACK *

(big laugh) *

The re he i sl Ho ff al H a i W h a t a r e *

the odds of that? *

BRUCE *

(laughing along with him) *

Ha! What are the odds? *

JACK:

Look, I'll be straight. We want

you back, Bruce. I want to tell

you, it wasn't my decision to let

you go. When the big guy gives the

order, I gotta...

BRUCE:

No harm no foul, Jack. I needed

some time off to reassess my goals

and get in touch with my true self.

JACK:

You did that in a day?

BRUCE:

Imagine what I can do with seven.

Jack pauses for an awkward beat. His face grows serious.

JACK:

I haven't been the best father in

the world.

BRUCE:

What's that?

JACK:

I cur se a lo t. I c hea t on my

ta xe s. My w ife u se d t o mak e my

kids call me, when she was alive...

(breaking down)

...Now, I go to strip clubs, and

dri nk a ll nig ht. Bu t at le ast

their open unt il four. W hat are

you doing tonight?

BRUCE:

Oh, I'm busy doing...things.

Jack recovers, rejuvenated.

63.

JACK:

Yeah, I gotcha. It feels good to

get that out. Thank you.

Jack gives Bruce a big hug.

JACK:

Look, it's not in my power to give

you a nchor, but as far as field

repor ting goes, if you're looking

for a bump.

BRUCE:

Jack, don't worry about that. Just

give me a camera and a crew and

I'll give you the news.

Bruce exits. Jack likes the new Bruce.

INT. NEWSROOM

Bruce heads out as The Eyewitness News opening plays on

several monitors. Susan Ortega opens.

SUSAN:

Good evening and welcome to

Eyewitness News at six. I'm Susan

Ortega.

EVAN:

And I'm Evan Baxter. And here's

what's making news...

This stops Bruc e. He watc hes Evan on a newsr oom monit or. A

devilish smile forms on Bruce's face.

EVAN:

A potential scandal with the

Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when...

Evan's voice suddenly becomes HIGH PITCHED, like a girls.

EVAN:

(falsetto)

...the mayor demanded that the

Chief of Police issue...

(clears his throat)

...Uh-hum, that the Chief of

Police...

Evan tries to clear his throat again, but his voice remains

HIGH PITCHED.

64,

-^ EVAN

(j · (falsetto)

1^ ...the Chief of Police issue a

response over allegations made

b. . .

y

INT. JACK'S OFFICE - SAME TIME

JACK:

What the hell is that?

Evan is starting to visibly sweat.

EVAN:

(falsetto)

I'm sorry. There seems to be

something.

Evan shoots Susan a look to cover for him. Susan tries to

cover with a joke.

SUSAN:

Looks like my new co-anchor may

need a glass of water.

She laughs, Evan laughs in a RIDICULOUS HIGH PITCHED GIRLY

L AU GH tha t m ak es it ev en w or se . H e s ip s th e w at er a nd hi s

/·" "" N

VJ voice returns.

EVAN:

Ah, there we go. Sorry about that.

The Prime Minister of Sweden

visited Washington today as my

little tiny nipples moved to France-

Evan stops cold, staring at the teleprompter.

INT. TV STUDIO - CONTINUOUS

The Director in the booth reacts.

DIRECTOR:

What did he just say? Check the

prompter.

The Console Operator checks the text being fed to Evan.

CONSOLE OPERATOR

It's fine.

DIRECTOR:

Well, signal for him to keep going.

65.

-^ The Stage Manager motions to Evan, he reluctantly continues

/ reading.

INTERCUT TV STUDIO AND NEWSROOM MONITOR

EVAN:

The White House reception committee

greeted the Prime Rib Roast

Minister and I do the cha cha like

a sissy girl...

(urged to keep going, so

continues slowly)

I lika do da cha cha...

In desperation, Evan shifts from the prompter to the paper

script on his desk.

EVAN:

Sorry, we're having a few technical

difficulties, here...

(reading) *

In other n-n-n-n....n-n-n-n... *

Evan's NOSE STARTS BLEEDING. A sudden stream out of one *

nostril. Susan reacts. So does Jack. Bruce smiles.

, Evan sees the blood, tries to stop it but it only streams

-/ faster. He keeps talking, but the stream increases. Susan

gets up, tries to help.

SUSAN:

Somebody get some napkins. Dallas,

help me.

DALLAS:

I'm not touching hinu

(realizing he's on camera)

I mean, I'm not really qualified.

Evan's hair IGNITES.

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