Bruce Almighty Page #14

61.

BOBBY:

Yeah, I don't blame 'ya, they taste

like grass.

Bobby CUTS BRUCE OFF WITH HIS CART. Bruce is forced to stop.

BOBBY:

Tell you what? I wasn't going to

break it open until lunch time, but

I made a batch of rhubarb that you

have got to try.

BRUCE:

Bobby, I--

BOBBY:

Come on, it's my mother's recipe

she's practically cripple...

Bobby forces a ladle of rhubarb out at Bruce.

BRUCE:

No, I really- no...

BOBBY:

Open up, that's it, here comes the

news chopper...

(makes sound of Chopper)

BRUCE:

No, Bobby.. Bobby N01 I said I

didn't want anything.

(turns, heading off)

Damn you...

Bruce continues off, as Bobby stops cold, adopts an odd

expression, then his EYES ROLL UP IN THEIR SOCKETS, SPIN ALL

THE WAR AROUND, THEN GLOW RED. LITTLE HORN BUMPS PUSH UP

FROM HIS SKULL. He turns instantly demonic.

An overly PERKY FEMALE OFFICE WORKER approaches Bobby from

behind.

FEMALE OFFICE WORKER

Hi, Bobby. Is there any of that

split pea soup left?

She is instantly hit in the chest with a stream of green

vomit. A beat and Bobby offers out a plastic spoon.

INT. JACK'S OFFICE - DAY

ON JACK:

6 2.

He sees Bruce enter, immediately perks up. *

JACK *

(big laugh) *

The re he i sl Ho ff al H a i W h a t a r e *

the odds of that? *

BRUCE *

(laughing along with him) *

Ha! What are the odds? *

JACK:

Look, I'll be straight. We want

you back, Bruce. I want to tell

you, it wasn't my decision to let

you go. When the big guy gives the

order, I gotta...

BRUCE:

No harm no foul, Jack. I needed

some time off to reassess my goals

and get in touch with my true self.

JACK:

You did that in a day?

BRUCE:

Imagine what I can do with seven.

Jack pauses for an awkward beat. His face grows serious.

JACK:

I haven't been the best father in

the world.

BRUCE:

What's that?

JACK:

I cur se a lo t. I c hea t on my

ta xe s. My w ife u se d t o mak e my

kids call me, when she was alive...

(breaking down)

...Now, I go to strip clubs, and

dri nk a ll nig ht. Bu t at le ast

their open unt il four. W hat are

you doing tonight?

BRUCE:

Oh, I'm busy doing...things.

Jack recovers, rejuvenated.

63.

JACK:

Yeah, I gotcha. It feels good to

get that out. Thank you.

Jack gives Bruce a big hug.

JACK:

Look, it's not in my power to give

you a nchor, but as far as field

repor ting goes, if you're looking

for a bump.

BRUCE:

Jack, don't worry about that. Just

give me a camera and a crew and

I'll give you the news.

Bruce exits. Jack likes the new Bruce.

INT. NEWSROOM

Bruce heads out as The Eyewitness News opening plays on

several monitors. Susan Ortega opens.

SUSAN:

Good evening and welcome to

Eyewitness News at six. I'm Susan

Ortega.

EVAN:

And I'm Evan Baxter. And here's

what's making news...

This stops Bruc e. He watc hes Evan on a newsr oom monit or. A

devilish smile forms on Bruce's face.

EVAN:

A potential scandal with the

Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when...

Evan's voice suddenly becomes HIGH PITCHED, like a girls.

EVAN:

(falsetto)

...the mayor demanded that the

Chief of Police issue...

(clears his throat)

...Uh-hum, that the Chief of

Police...

Evan tries to clear his throat again, but his voice remains

HIGH PITCHED.

64,

-^ EVAN

(j · (falsetto)

1^ ...the Chief of Police issue a

response over allegations made

b. . .

y

INT. JACK'S OFFICE - SAME TIME

JACK:

What the hell is that?

Evan is starting to visibly sweat.

EVAN:

(falsetto)

I'm sorry. There seems to be

something.

Evan shoots Susan a look to cover for him. Susan tries to

cover with a joke.

SUSAN:

Looks like my new co-anchor may

need a glass of water.

She laughs, Evan laughs in a RIDICULOUS HIGH PITCHED GIRLY

L AU GH tha t m ak es it ev en w or se . H e s ip s th e w at er a nd hi s

/·" "" N

VJ voice returns.

EVAN:

Ah, there we go. Sorry about that.

The Prime Minister of Sweden

visited Washington today as my

little tiny nipples moved to France-

Evan stops cold, staring at the teleprompter.

INT. TV STUDIO - CONTINUOUS

The Director in the booth reacts.

DIRECTOR:

What did he just say? Check the

prompter.

The Console Operator checks the text being fed to Evan.

CONSOLE OPERATOR

It's fine.

DIRECTOR:

Well, signal for him to keep going.

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