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Bruce Almighty Page #15
SUSAN:
His hair's on fire!
Dallas runs off.
BRUCE:
(casual to an amazed news
staffer)
You know, he does have a certain
pizazz about him.
66.
Susan reaches for a water pitcher, as a crew man steps in and
BLASTS Evan's head with a fire extinguisher. Evan is in
shock, his face now white.
The screen cuts to a "PLEASE STAND-BY" title card, then cuts
to an episode of "Dragnet."
ON BRUCE - It's fun to be God.
MUSIC UP/MONTAGE UP
Bruce is bored off his ass, interviewing some BLUE HAIRED OLD
LADIES at the Mark Twain chili cook off.
BLUE HAIRED LADY
(talks so slow you want to
kill yourself)
My secret is I let the jalapeno's
marinade in a spicy sauce for over
We see Bruce's pained face, realizing what horrible news this
is, when he gets an idea and SCHWWWWWAAAAAAM!11 AN ASTEROID
BRUCE:
Hold that thought, Hazel!
(Bruce walks back toward
the explosion)
It seems some type of meteor or
asteroid has, by chance, hit the
earth right behind the Mark Twain
Chili Cook Off. . .
EXT. SKY - DAY
Bruce is free-falling in full sky diving uniform.
BRUCE:
. . . So remember, it's sky diving
season at Old Pete's airfield.
(grabs the ripcord)
This is Bruce Nolan..
(gives it a tug, doesn't
budge)
My rip cord appears to be a bit
stuck.
Bruce yanks again harder, nothing, then again and the cord
rips free from the suit.
67.
BRUCE:
This is a very unfortunate turn of
events. I'm heading toward the
earth at a very precarious speed...
The cameraman pops his shoot and we see Bruce continue to
stream toward the ground below. He falls into a wooded area.
A CAMERA ON THE GROUND picks up the coverage, runs through
the brush with other BYSTANDERS to find Bruce laying on top
of a BIG, HAIRY CREATURE.
BYSTANDERS (O.S.)
He's okay...What's that?...It's
Bigfoot!...Bigfoot broke his
fall!. . .
Bruce stands groggy, points to a dazed Bigfoot.
BRUCE:
Ah ha! You are real!
INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - DAY
Bruce sits watching a hockey game on TV. He follows the puck
intently with his eyes, as though controlling it's path.
GOAL, SABERS! THE CROWD ROARS!
CUT TO:
G O AL , S A BE R S! TH E C R OW D R OA R S!
CUT TO:
Grace sits aside him, working on the photo album.
GRACE:
Do you believe how they're playing?
(beat)
Oh, honey, would you hand me the
scissors?
Bruce diverts his attention, when the Sabers screw up and the
crowd GROANS. Bruce immediately turns, looks intently at the
puck and GOAL, SABERS! THE CROWD ROARS!
INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING
Grace's B*OBS ARE EVEN BIGGER. Bruce is trying to help her
fasten her bra, but it's a good three inches from touching.
Bruce shrugs "got me."
68.
Bruce is doing a report just outside the Pandas' enclosure.
BRUCE:
In the past, zoo officials have
been unable to get these Panda's to
mate, but that doesn't seem to be a
problem today.
REVEAL A MALE PANDA wholeheartedly humping another PANDA.
BRUCE:
And the mood seems to be catching
o. . .
n
WIDE SHOT of the enclosure - PANDA'S are coupled off and
humping everywhere. Mothers are frantically covering
children's eyes, ushering them away from the exhibit.
QUICK CUTS OF DIFFERENT NEWSCASTERS ON TV
NEWSCASTER:
His stories are all over town...
NEWSCASTER #2
...from unearthing Jimmy Hoffa...
NEWSCASTER #3
becoming known as. . .
EXT. BUFFALO - DAY
A BILLBOARD being put up with a big smiling Bruce with arms
extended. It reads: "Mr. Exclusive".
A close up of Bruce on the Jumbotron. *
ANNOUNCER *
Ladies and Gentlemen, please *
welcome Mr. Exlusive, Bu ffal o's *
own, Bruce Nolan. *
Bruce starts SINGING THE MOST AMAZING GOSPEL SINGER/JAZZ *
VERSION OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM ANYONE HAS EVER HEARD. *
BRUCE *
Oh, say can you *
seeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeeee... *
69.
Debbie turns to her, she shrugs. *
GRACE *
I didn't even know he could sing. *
INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY
Grace opens the bathroom door, revealing SAM, SITTING ON THE
TOILET SEAT WITH A NEWSPAPER UNDER HIS FRONT PAWS. Sam BARKS
and Grace quickly closes the door.
Bruce sings, still on the same word. *
BRUCE *
...eeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeee. . . *
INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY
Bruce finishes running a bath, gets into the tub but SLIPS as
is UNABLE TO SINK and ends up sliding around ON THE WATER
like on a sheet of glass. He tries to break through, can't.
Then, he concentrates and finally LOWERS INTO THE WATER.
Bruce dramatically finishes the national anthem. *
BRUCE *
...of the *
BraaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE i . *
He hits an impossibly high note and the rink glass SHATTERS I *
Bruce is projected on the ARENA JUMBOTRON. He shoots his *
arms up, the crowd goes nuts! "Mr. Exclusive" flashes on the *
screen. *
EXT. WOODS - DAY
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"Bruce Almighty" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bruce_almighty_183>.
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