Bruce Almighty Page #4

Jack is at Bobby's cart, paying for a sandwich. Bruce

catches up .to him.

BRUCE:

Jack, Jack, hey. Can I talk to you

for a second?

JACK:

Sure, Bruce. What do you need?

BRUCE:

Sweeps.

Jack takes his sandwich and leaves. Bobby leans to Bruce.

BOBBY:

Don't worry about it. I called my

aunt, we're on.

Bruce looks at Bobby, continues after and catches Jack.

BRUCE:

Look, Jack. Hear me out, I'm

getting desperate man, I am pushing

forty and what have I got to show

for it? The point is, I've hit

some kind of a ceiling here. Some

kind of anti-Bruce barrierI And

Evan is just lovin' it, by the way.

He gets the good stories, he gets

on sweeps. Maybe I have to be more

like Evan.

JACK:

You don't want to be like Evan.

Evan's an a**hole.

BRUCE:

I can be an a**hole.

16.

JACK:

No, Bruce. You can't.

Bruce thinks, then flips Jack's sandwich plate over. It

scatters on the floor. Jack and Bruce stare at each other

for a beat.

JACK:

Are you going to pick that up?

BRUCE:

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Bruce bends down, starts picking up Jack's food.

BRUCE:

It's just- this anchor position

looming, it's gotten me nuts...

He hands the plate to Jack, as sexy anchorwoman SUSAN ORTEGA

saunters by.

JACK BRUCE

Hi, Susan. Hi, Susan.

SUSAN ORTEGA:

Hi, Jack.

Bruce blanches at this obvious snubbing.

JACK:

Look, Bruce. You're a good

reporter. You make people laugh.

God knows today we can use it.

Bruce slumps, he's heard this a thousand times before. *

JACK *

(beat)

Alright, tell you what. It's the *

23rd anniversary of the Maid of the

Mist. I want you at Niagara Falls

in an hour.

BRUCE:

Maid of the Mist. That's always

live.

JACK:

Yep.

BRUCE:

Evan gets the live feeds.

17.

JACK:

Well now you and Evan get the live

feeds.

BRUCE:

I'm going live. In sweeps.

JACK:

Yes, but watch yourself, Bruce.

I've seen your outtakes.

Bruce hugs Jack, pressing the sandwich against his chest.

BRUCE:

Yes 1 You will not regret this,

Jack.

(releases Jack)

I will not forget you when I go

national.

Bruce takes off, Jack looks down, peels the sandwich off his

chest. We hear children's joyous SHRIEKS...

INT. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE - DAY

A COUPLE DOZEN KIDS playing at Grace's self-starter business,

a one room day care center filled with children and toys.

Grace turns, reacts.

GRACE:

Martin, are you eating the glitter

again?

ON MARTIN - AN ADORABLE HISPANIC BOY

He shakes his head "no."

GRACE:

Martin. Open your mouth. Abra su

boca.

He does. His tongue sparkles with glitter.

GRACE:

Oh, you're not huh? Well, then

you've got a bad case of Liberace.

Grace's sister, Debbie, enters. She's wearing a nurse's

outfit. Her youngest, ZOE, 3, runs over to greet her.

ZOE:

Mommy1

18.

GRACE:

They didn't teach you Spanish in

nursing school, did they?

DEBBIE:

Well, it seemed like they were

speaking a foreign language

sometimes, but no. Problemo?

GRACE:

Martin has decided to explore new

food groups.

(back to Martin)

Martin, this is for art. Like this.

She spreads paste on the paper, sprinkles glitter.

DEBBIE:

Is it so wrong to tie them up?

GRACE:

D eb -- Ma rt i n!

Martin is busted with the paste spreader stuck in his mouth.

Grace snatches it.

GRACE:

Okay, go rinse your mouth with

water. Lave su boca. Go.

(to Debbie)

I swear that kid is going to poop

an ornament.

DEBBIE:

(laughs)

You're good with them, you know.

You should have some of your own.

GRACE:

Don't start...

DEBBIE:

Free milk cow.

GRACE:

Debbie, don't call me that.

DEBBIE:

If the moo fits.

The phone RINGS.

19.

GRACE:

Saved by the bell. Grab that for

me, will you?

Debbie does.

DEBBIE:

Small Wonders Day Care.

EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - DAY

Bruce is on his cell phone, while the NEWS CREW races around,

setting up for the report. The FALLS ROAR behind him and the

Mate of the Mist sightseeing boat is in the b.g.

BRUCE:

Grace?

INTERCUT DAY CARE AND FALLS

DEBBIE:

(cheery)

No, it's Debbie. The sister who's

life you're not wasting.

GRACE:

Hey.

Grace GRABS THE PHONE.

DEBBIE:

(feigns innocent)

What?

GRACE:

Sorry, honey. My sister seems to

think she's my mother. Where are

you?

BRUCE:

(flying high)

Oh, A little place called the

winners circle. I'm at the Falls

doing a "live" report.

GRACE:

Live? That's greatI

BRUCE:

Yep, it's happenin', hun. I got

sweeps and I'm live. You know what

that means?

(MORE)

20.

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