Bruce Almighty Page #5

DEBBIE:

(feigns innocent)

What?

GRACE:

Sorry, honey. My sister seems to

think she's my mother. Where are

you?

BRUCE:

(flying high)

Oh, A little place called the

winners circle. I'm at the Falls

doing a "live" report.

GRACE:

Live? That's greatI

BRUCE:

Yep, it's happenin', hun. I got

sweeps and I'm live. You know what

that means?

(MORE)

20.

BRUCE (cont'd)

They're seeing if I can think on my

feet, like you might have to do in

a live news anchor situation.

GRACE:

Oh, my gosh.

BRUCE:

This is happening for us, Grace.

What we've always talked about.

Jack practically came out and told

me.

Grace quickly switches gears. She experienced the premature-

celebration before.

GRACE:

Wait, what do you mean practically?

BRUCE:

Well, he didn't spell it out, but

this is exactly what happened to

Susan Ortega right before she was

bumped up to the desk.

GRACE:

(being cautious)

I just want to make sure we're not

getting too ahead of ourselves.

BRUCE:

I totally agree, but in the mean

time you should start thinking

about what coast you want to live

on.

Ally interrupts, indicating the time.

BRUCE:

Oh, they're calling me, I gotta go.

GRACE:

Good luck, honey. I love you. *

BRUCE *

I love you. *

(hangs up) *

Debbie turns to Grace. *

DEBBIE *

Moooo. *

21.

GRACE *

Stop it. *

EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - MAID OF THE MIST BOAT - DAY

Ally hustles Bruce toward the bow of the boat, as he places

his ear piece.

ALLY:

They want you close to the falls.

BRUCE:

What for? I'll get soaked.

ALLY:

That's the point. They want you to

hold up this.

She hands Bruce a very stupid looking, blue "falls" shaped

UMBRELLA with the MAID OF THE MIST INSIGNIA.

ALLY:

Part of the condition of us getting

the exclusive.

Bruce takes the umbrella.

' ' BRUCE

Lovely. Glad I wore my tap shoes.

ALLY:

Remember, this is their 23rd

anniversary. Capacity is 59. They

cater to tourists, honeymooners. . .

BRUCE:

And people who are insanely ' *

thirsty, I get it. *

ALLY:

And you'll be interviewing Irene

Dansfeild...

She positions A VERY, VERY OLD WOMAN next to Bruce.

ALLY:

...She rode on the maiden voyage

with her late husband. Okay, 90 *

seconds.

Bruce looks upward at the ridiculous umbrella. Mutters

encouragement to himself.

22,

BRUCE:

90 seconds, going live. Think

anchor, think dignity,

(glances up toward

umbrella)

Ignore umbrella. Just have fun.

CUT TO:

THE LIVE FEED IN THE CAMERA TRUCK AT THE FALLS

Some of the CREW MEMBERS watch the feed.

ON TV:

Pete Fineman is reporting.

PETE FINEMAN:

...but because of the fast response

by our local fire fighters, the

toxic chemicals were cleaned up

without incident. Susan.

The female co-anchor, SUSAN ORTEGA:

SUSAN:

Bruce Nolan is standing by at

Niagara Falls with a report on the

Maid of the Mist sightseeing boat,

but before we go live to Bruce, we

have an announcement to make. As

everyone knows, after 33 years, our

beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.

Pete smiles a proud, heart-felt smile.

SUSAN:

Pete's shoes are virtually

impossible to fill, but the show

must go on. And we could think of

no one better than our very own

Evan Baxter.

ON BRUCE:

Listening to the feed. His FACE GOES WHITE. He stands in

shock.

Evan is seated next to Susan.

23.

SUSAN:

Congratulations, Evan. Looks like

we'll be sitting side by side from

now on.

EVAN:

Thanks, Susan. I ' m thrilled and

honored. Like you said, no one can

replace the great Pete Fineman, but

I'll do my best. I have to say I

am so proud to be a part of our

local community. Of Buffalo. I

think a great city is a lot like a

great recipe really. Put in some

hard working citizens, add some

care givers, maybe a few nuts...

The other news anchors and Evan himself chuckle at "his"

joke. Bruce listens on the feed, beyond stunned.

EVAN (CONT'D)

All sprinkled with the strength and

love of our good families, that

ultimately creates a sweet place to

live. Thank you.

SUSAN:

(touched)

Wow. That was amazing. And now

let's go live to wacky Bruce Nolan

out at Niagara Falls.

EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - CONTINUOUS

Bruce stands like a deer in headlights, drenched, holding the

ridiculous umbrella. Ally sig nals Bruce he's on. He stares

into camera, numb.

INT. SMALL WONDER DAY CARE - SAME TIME

The kids are gone. Grace watches the TV with a few other

teachers. She's concerned.

GRACE:

Talk honey, talk.

INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Jack rushes in, looking at Bruce on the monitor.

JACK:

What's going on?

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