Bruce Almighty Page #6
24.
DIRECTOR:
We've got a Walt Disney.
CONSOLE OPERATOR
Frozen solid.
JACK:
He may not have audio. Check his
feed, have Susan cover.
INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Susan reacts to the message in her ear piece.
SUSAN:
We may be having a bit of technical
difficulty...
Evan smiles in the background, clearly enjoying himself.
INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
CONSOLE OPERATOR
Feed's good, Jack.
JACK:
Come on, Bruce, talk damn-it...
Okay, get ready to pull the plug.
GRACE:
Please baby, say something...
EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - CONTINUOUS
Like popping out of a coma, Bruce surges in. Surprisingly,
seems very up and fine.
BRUCE:
Thank you, Susan 1 Bruce Nolan here
aboard the Maid of the Mist at
Niagara falls.
INT. SMALL WONDERS DAY CARE - CONTINUOUS
GRACE:
Thank you, God.
25,
INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
JACK:
(sighs relief)
Thank God.
Jack pats the Director's shoulder, heads out of the room.
EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - CONTINUOUS
BRUCE:
First off, "I want to add another
congratulations to Evan Baxter.
It's good to see what someone with
real talent can accomplish when
great opportunities are given to
him instead of me.
(still smiling)
Anyway, I'm here, I believe with
Katherine Hepburn's mom. Tell me,
why did you toss the blue "heart of
the ocean" jewel over the railing
of Titanic?
The Old Woman doesn't know what to say.
BRUCE:
Did you feel guilty at all letting
Leonardo Decaprio freeze, while you
were safe floating on the big door?
Do you think he would have survived
if you had taken turns, or were you
too afraid to freeze your big fat
ass off?
INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Jack rockets back into the room.
JACK:
Did I just hear..?
BRUCE:
Well, I guess that's the way life
works, isn't it? Some people are
drenched, freezing to death, on a
stupid boat, with a stupid
umbrella...
(heaves the umbrella)
while others who aren't fit to kiss
my willy, are sitting in a nice,
comfy news room, sucking up all the
glory111
26.
INT. SMALL .WONDERS DAY CARE - CONTINUOUS
GRACE:
This isn't happening. This isn't
happening...
EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - CONTINUOUS
Bruce takes off walking, the camera follows.
BRUCE:
Now, lets speak to the owner. Come
on in here, Bill.
Bill shakes his head "NO" as Bruce pulls him into frame.
BRUCE:
Bill, you.'ve been running the Maid
of the Mist for 23 years. Tell me,
why do you think I didn't get the
anchor job?
BILL:
Hey, man, I don't want any--
BRUCE:
Do you think it's my hair?
(Bruce messes his hair
like crazy)
Maybe my teeth aren't white enough?
Or like the great falls, is the
bedrock of my life slowly erroding
underneath me.
(moving closer to camera,
to an inch away)
Erroding. Erroooding.
Errodiiiing...
All work has stopped. Stunned staffers stare at the monitor.
INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Jack stands with his jaw dropped, snaps out of it.
JACK:
Alright, cut the feed! Cut to
black if you have to.
CONTROL BOOTH OPERATOR
I'm on it.
27.
EXT. NIAGARA FALLS - CONTINUOUS
Bruce is now licking the camera lens. He steps back and
signs-off. Smooth as silk.
BRUCE:
I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness
news. Back to you f***ers 1
INT. STUDIO CONTROL ROOM - .CONTINUOUS
Susan Ortega stares frozen blankly into camera.
SMASH CUT TO:
Bruce is TOSSED OUT THE FRONT DOORS, his box of possessions
spilling on the ground. Bruce FLAILS at the building.
Bruce carries his box to his car, when he HEARS A NOISE.
A street GANG is hassling the HOMELESS SIGN GUY. Pushing him
around, breaking and painting over his signs.
Instinctively, Bruce walks over.
BRUCE:
Hey, come on guys. What are you
doin'? Just leave him alone.
They turn, look at Bruce, laugh and head off. Bruce helps
the Sign Guy up, looks after the Gang.
BRUCE:
Yeah, you'd better keep walkin'.
They stop cold, turn back to Bruce and CHARGE AT HIM. Bruce
attempts to run, but they leap on him in a big dog pile,
swinging and kicking.
Bruce is left with a bloody lip, lying beside his car. We
hear the sound of smashing glass and scratching metal and the
gang running off. Bruce slowly gets up.
Reveal Bruce's car, WINDOW'S SMASHED, PAINT SCRAPED and the
word "HERO" KEY SCRATCHED ON THE DOOR.
BRUCE:
B-e-a-utiful.
(looks up)
(MORE)
28.
BRUCE (cont'd)
Just what you get for trying to
help someone.
Bruce gets in, pulls out of the parking lot passing the
Homeless Man who sits beaten up holding a scrawled out sign
"LIFE IS. JUST"
BRUCE:
Get a clue, buddy.
INT. BRUCE AND GRACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Bruce is pacing, holding an ICE PACK to his swollen lip.
GRACE:
Thank God you're alright.
BRUCE:
God, yeah. Let's thank God.
Thanks for everything, Lord. I am
so honored that my horrible demise
is a part of your loving and
mysterious plan.
GRACE:
Bruce, don't talk like that.
BRUCE:
Oh, don't worry, he's not
listening. If he is he doesn't
care. Have you seen the news
lately? We got gangs, we got
drugs, we got corruption. What
kind of God lets that happen?
Every time we cure a disease he
comes up with a new one!
(goes into God character)
Yeah, is this the lab? Yeah, it's
God. They've just come up with a
treatment for syphilis down there.
I think it's time to release the
tainted monkey. Oh, and there's a
guy in Ohio who's praying for
strength and wisdom, blind him and
cut off his legs.
GRACE:
So God is torturing us?
BRUCE:
Think about it, Grace. God is all-
powerful . He could fix everything
in five minutes if he wanted to.
(MORE)
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"Bruce Almighty" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bruce_almighty_183>.
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