Bruce Almighty Page #9

.BRUCE

AH HAl

Bruce proudly presents his single hand of five extended

fingers to God, then immediately notices he has SEVEN FINGERS

ON HIS ONE HAND.

BRUCE:

AAAHHHl

39,

He shakes his fingers wildly and the two extra fingers

disappear. God approaches Bruce.

GOD:

You've been doing a lot of

complaining about me, Bruce. And

quite frankly, I'm tired of it...

Bruce backs away from God.

BRUCE:

You stay away from me! I don't

know what your doing. But whatever

you're doing is probably

actionable!

GOD:

Well, that's not very neighborly.

I brought you here to offer you a

job.

BRUCE:

Job? Wh at job?

GOD:

My job. You think you can do it

better, so here's your chance.

When you leave this building you

will be endowed with all my powers.

BRUCE:

Sure, whatever you say, Pal.

He turns to go but GOD STANDS BEFORE HIM in the Janitor

uniform, holding the mop.

GOD:

All the power of God.

Bruce glances back at the empty desk, turns back again and

God the Janitor has also vanished. A beat, then Bruce

sprints out of the room.

EXT. OMNI PRESENTS - DAY

Bruce barrels out of the building --

BRUCE:

Okay, that did not happen.

He races to his car stepping in the SAME PUDDLE, but this

time his foot doesn't sink, he WALKS RIGHT ACROSS IT. He

paus es f or a bea t --

40.

BRUCE:

No.

He races on.

INT. BRUCE'S CAR

Bruce jumps in, turns the key, the car turns over but doesn't

start.

BRUCE:

I'm having a breakdown. That's

what it is. Just a normal,

everyday psychotic episode, brought

on by tumor or brain lesion...

We hear the car wind down to nothing. Bruce releases the key

pounds the steering wheel in frustration.

BRUCE:

(to the car)

Come on, startI

The car INSTANTLY starts.

BRUCE:

(denial)

Well, that was lucky.

Bruce backs up, peels out.

MUSIC UP:
"HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS"

EXT. CITY STREETS

Bruce drives, whistling the tune, catches himself,

immediately stops whistling.

BRUCE:

Okay, just relax here. I did not

meet God and I do not have his

powers.

(laughs)

If that was God, then I'm Mario

Andretti.

Instantly, Bruce's car PEELS OUT, races through traffic,

dodging and passing cars right and left.

BRUCE:

AAAHHHHHHHH!J!

41.

Suddenly there is a GUY IN A RED PIT CREW SUIT standing

before Bruce waving a red flag. Bruce swerves to avoid the

man and SCREECHES into a pit stop. Several other red-suited

Italian men engulf the car. Bruce watches in amazement as the

professional racing team jacks up his car, slaps on HUGE MAG

TIRES, gases him up, etc. PAUL NEWMAN leans into the

driver's window.

PAUL NEWMAN:

Hey Mario, did you get that box of

dressing I sent you?

Bruce responds against his will IN PERFECT ITALIAN --

BRUCE:

(in perfect Italian)

Si, dovete venire sopra per il

pranzo un certo tempo.

(SUBTITLES:
Yes, you must

come over for dinner some

time.)

Bruce reacts shocked. The crew backs off and urges him on in

Italian.

PIT CREW:

Vete l Ve tel

Bruce's car peels out on it's own, he struggles to control

the wheel, finally pulling over to a curb. His car door

won't open so he has to crawl out of the driver's window.

He rushes onto the sidewalk, backing away from his normal

looking Tauras. Not knowing what to do, he slips into a

diner.

INT. DINER - DAY

Bruce quickly walks to a back corner booth. The only other

patron is an OLD MAN seated at the counter.

BRUCE:

It isn't real, it isn't real, it

isn't real...

An older. Sally Kirkland-type WAITRESS, order pad in hand,

stands listening to Bruce with a raised eyebrow.

BRUCE:

Oh hi, ah, coffee please.

The waitress pours him a cup.

42.

WAITRESS:

We've got a special on soup today.

BRUCE:

No, that's okay.

WAITRESS:

It's tomato.

BRUCE:

Alright, okay.

She heads off. Bruce sits thinking. Could it be real?

He looks at the SUGAR down at the end of the table, holds out

his hand and the SUGAR SLIDES ACROSS THE TABLE RIGHT INTO HIS

HAND. The CREAMER slides into his other hand.

Bruce is half scared, half thrilled. He pours some cream and

sugar into his cup, looks around the table.

BRUCE:

Excuse me I need a spoooo...

Bruce chokes up a spoon into his hands, wipes it off with his

napkin.

BRUCE:

That's alright, I found one.

The Old Man eyes Bruce suspiciously, gets up and moves

further down the counter.

The Waitress sets down the soup, heads off, then turns back.

WAITRESS:

I lie to my sister.

BRUCE:

What?

WAITRESS:

(becoming emotional)

And I'm sleeping with my best

friend's husband. I know he's just

using me but.. I'm just so tired of

being alone. I don't know why I'm

telling you all this. Just seems

like you'd understand.

BRUCE:

Okay.

43.

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