Bruno & Boots: Go Jump in the Pool Page #5

fish, lean steak, lots of

vitamin C, D and E.

Oh, and the secret ingredient:

Pilates.

Hey!

Shut up.

What are you doing here?

Oh, just, uh...

admiring your garbage, Chip.

So, um, about

the Pilates. You know,

I'm not really sure if it's

right for me. You know,

I always go back and forth...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a solid routine.

You know, I could show you

a really good one.

Yeah.

Or not.

You know, it feels like you

guys are up to something.

Up to something? Come on.

No.

Something I should probably

make a really mean joke about.

You know, so I'm gonna

go figure that out

and the next time

I see you, be ready.

Bye, Boots.

Hey, Chip!

Next time I see you,

you won't be making any jokes.

All right,

let's get the stuff.

No single thought

Or double thinking

No triple checks on moves

Or what they're feeling

This is their stage,

An ode to their last days

Crying out to the world

The quiet has

Now been heard

Oh, and some days

I feel the same way

But I can hardly

Feel the beat

You're doing it right,

You do it right for me

You're kicking it up,

You're kicking up a scene

You're playing a song,

You play it on repeat

You're doing it right,

You do it right for me

You're doing it right,

You do it right for me

You're kicking it up,

You're kicking up a scene

You're playing a song,

You play it on repeat

You're doing it right,

You do it right for me

And I can hardly

Feel the beat

You're doing it right

You do it right for me

You're kicking it up,

You're kicking up a scene

You're playing a song,

You play it on repeat

You're doing it right,

You do it right for me

You're doing it right,

You do it right for me

You're doing it right,

You do it right for me

Which means we are 1/3

of the way there.

But school

is already half over.

Thank goodness.

What was that?

That you-- That you boys have

accomplished so much.

I think you've made

more than anybody

in Macdonald Hall history.

Well, not including prohibition.

Well, say it's not enough.

See, we've done

online contests--

Thank you--

Lottery draws, and actually,

I'm meeting with a Nigerian

prince next week.

We could do, like,

I don't know, a talent show?

That'd only work

if we had talent.

Eating contest?

Chris could do caricatures!

Oh, that's good.

Have you seen the one

he did of you, Mr. Sturgeon?

Actually, it's right here.

Right?

That does not look

anything like my...

car.

We need something big,

you know? Bold.

Beyond just the school,

you know?

Something like, um...

something like this cupcake.

Ms. Davis,

could you perhaps make about

$1000 worth of these cupcakes?

They look amazing.

Actually, Willy made those.

He bakes to relieve the stress.

You bake?

You bake cupcakes.

Your name's Willy?

It's William, okay?

That's all for today.

Thanks very much, Ms. Davis.

Thank you.

Well, uh, you know, anyways,

Willy. What are you

so stressed about?

Oh, I can't imagine.

In any case, I already have

a job to do, so thank you.

Headmaster Sturgeon,

Ms. Scrimmage is here

to see you.

She wants to show you something.

Headmaster Sturgeon?

Hello?

Willy? What are you doing?

Willy?

Quiet and peaceful.

Too peace...

...ful.

William Sturgeon, welcome to

Eat It or Beat It.

I'm your host, Kip Kipperson,

and you've been chosen from

across the country

to compete on live national TV

in our kitchen octagon!

Well, actually,

it's a rectangle. I mean,

a rectangle has four sides

whereas an octagon has eight--

Now, as I'm sure you already

know, Eat It or Beat It

is a live cooking contest

where two amateur chefs

compete for $10,000

and the answer to that age-old

question, who will...

Eat it or beat it!

Yeah,

that's not really a question.

Whatever, man! It rhymes!

Now, Headmaster.

Your students have nominated

your amazing cupcakes.

So let's see if you can beat...

Oh, no, no, no.

...the headmistress of

the Scrimmage Academy

of Education and Awakening,

Eugenia Scrimmage!

No, no, no, no, no.

William, I confess. I was part

of this delightful ruse.

In fact, I was supposed

to bring you here myself,

but for some reason you

weren't in your office.

At any rate,

I don't normally approve

of competitions, or television,

or gluten-based foods like--

Let's do this, Kip.

Yeah!

Well, well, Sturgeon.

Start your ovens!

Is...

That...

Melvin?

Now, let's get a closer look

at Sturgeon and his students'

raw dedication in action!

O'Neal, more flour.

Walton? Eggs.

Hackenschleimer,

stop eating the butter.

Drimsdale, oven, 350.

Celsius, Fahrenheit or Kelvin,

sir?

O'Neal, oven, 350.

I thought that

was a valid question.

Yes. For our

cruelty-free cupcakes,

we substitute

carrot for chocolate,

rice flour for wheat,

tofu for flavor,

and soy milk for happiness.

Cruelty-free.

I think they got it.

Walton, pans.

O'Neal, paper cups.

This is bedlam! This is crazy!

We got people cooking here,

people cooking there,

and what's gonna come of it?

Who's to say?

Probably something delicious,

I tells ya.

I eat all this stuff for months.

I take this home after the shoot

and I just eat it! Look at me!

I am a product of this cooking!

You know what I'm talking about.

Ah-ha-ha!

Hackenschleimer, what did

I say about eating the butter?

It's delicious?

O'Neal, oven status.

O'Neal. O'Neal!

Hey, Bruno!

What are you doing, man?

We have to go finish

the contest.

Dude,

the contest doesn't matter.

We could win $10,000.

How does that not matter?

Please. Dude, the real money

is in the advertising.

Just like NASCAR. Man, you just

get a bunch of businesses

to give you money to wear their

logos in front of cameras.

So if I wear

your company's logo,

you'll give me how much again?

Wow. Uh, okay.

How many zeroes is that?

So the Eat It or Beat It

contest was--

Was just a way

to get cameras here.

As soon as they

announce the winner,

I step out onto stage wearing

my 20 different logos

for all the world to see.

There's no way the girls

are gonna beat us

at fundraising, then.

And any idea how much money

we're gonna make?

$25,000.

Burton,

how did you know that?

In battle, Walton,

information is everything.

Yes, I know it's expensive,

okay?

But if you want

your logo on national TV,

you're gonna pay the same

as everyone else, Mom.

Yes.

This was my idea.

And I got my own sponsors.

Wait a minute!

That's my mom's logo.

I guess she knows a winner

when she sees one.

You know, boys,

this may well be

the finest bunch

of cupcakes I've ever made.

Walton!

Be careful!

Scrimmage girls!

Defend our honor!

Going out on the weekend

Front line boys left behind

Never show them

Your weakness

Come on,

Let's see some lines

Two, three, four, charge

If you want to prove you can

Really feel something

This is war

Fight with

Your dancing shoes

Ring the bell and get

Hammered across the floor

Jeans get out of the closet

Freedom can't be denied

Serves him right.

He hates vanilla. Ha-ha-ha!

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