Bruno & Boots: The Wizzle War Page #3

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going back

about a hundred years,

where the headmaster

kicks off the new term

by visiting an English class

and delivering

a good old-fashioned

Shakespearean monologue.

I used to be considered quite

the scene stealer

back in my drama club days.

Ahem, here we go.

Alas, poor Yorick!

I knew him, Horatio,

a fellow of infinite jest...

- Distraction detected.

- Distraction detected.

Mr. Sturgeon, I will have to

ask you to stop this intrusion.

I'm hardly the intruder

here, Mr. Wizzle.

Surely there's room

for the Bard in Wizzleware.

Actually,

Wizzleware has condensed

all of the work

of Shakespeare

into easily

understandable directives.

Wizzleware, what is the point

of Hamlet?

Don't marry

your brother's wife,

and avoid morose

introspection.

Oh, that is absurd.

Surely you can't condense

a play like Romeo and Juliet

into a sentence.

always check your messages.

Okay, that's fair.

Wizzleware

eliminates the need

for any outdated

teaching practices.

The old ways,

like the dinosaurs,

had their day,

and that day is done.

Gather up your gym socks,

Boots, I've got laundry to do.

What?

I'm out. I'm done.

The bet is off.

But I don't care,

because nobody calls

my headmaster a dinosaur.

Okay, thank you, Bruno.

That's enough.

Identify and assess.

talking distraction.

Five demerits.

Please be seated,

Mr. Walton.

Class, resume your lesson.

Bruno, sit down.

A- and if

he was a dinosaur,

he'd be a killer T. rex,

and then maybe you'd show him

the respect he deserves.

Thank you, Bruno.

Sit down.

Reassess.

Insubordination.

Ten demerits.

All right, look, that's

enough out of both of you.

I'm gonna be going now.

But you know, Mr. Wizzle,

I fail to see how all

this screen tapping

could possibly instill

a lifelong love of language.

It doesn't,

which is precisely why

it's so much more efficient.

Goodbye, Mr. Sturgeon.

You should be careful

with your demerits.

The Wizzlebands

only display double digits

for a reason.

You're the one who needs

to be careful, Wizzle,

because this means war.

I hereby

call this meeting of

the Anti-Wizzle Committee

to order.

All in favor

of getting rid of Wizzle

and his high-tech,

low-fun ways,

solemnly raise

your right hand and say:

"Heck yeah."

Heck yeah!

All right, fellas,

you know the drill.

Bad ideas get the gong.

A subwoofer produces

low bass notes.

I invented

the uber-sub-subwoofer,

which produces notes so low,

they're technically earthquakes.

All we have to do is get this

into Wizzle's guest cottage...

We make him drink

his own WizzleFuel.

That'll teach him.

I think Wizzle

likes WizzleFuel.

Yeah.

He what?

So we send him a job offer

from a school in Siberia...

So you want us to put on

Wizzle masks,

split up, commit various crimes

and bank robberies,

tip off the police,

send Wizzle to jail,

and then spend the reward money

on a pizza party?

I like the part

about a pizza party.

Now, I am not here

to pitch wild ideas.

I'm here to make sure

that you don't do things

the Bruno way, to the point

where things get out of hand.

If you're so

against wild ideas,

let's hear a mild one.

All right, well...

I know it's "safe,"

but...

I mean, what if

we just talk to the other boys?

If we get everyone

to complain,

and Superintendent Snow gets

enough calls from parents,

maybe she'll do something.

Everyone's scared

of getting demerits.

They don't

wanna rock the boat.

We could start in secret,

get everyone together and then...

Rallies, and protests,

demonstrations...

It's a big school. How are we

gonna tell everyone?

I don't know,

a super-secret website.

But Wizzle's taken over

every computer on campus.

So? You can

hack anything.

I can't hack his code!

He's a genius!

A boring,

pedantic genius!

So much for a high-tech

solution.

"If we can't go high tech,

let's go old-school."

Whatever it is,

it's old.

And busted.

The Macdonald Hall Examiner.

Weird!

It's like a paper version

of the school website.

No.

Back in the old days,

Macdonald Hall must have

actually had a school newspaper.

That's it!

Yes, Chris!

W- We fight Wizzleware

the old-school way...

with an underground newspaper.

Dude!

We need to do two things:

get this machine

printing again,

and we also have to figure out

what to print.

Whaddaya got, kid?

"17 Reasons Wizzleware

is Just the Worst."

Make it 27 reasons and

you got yourself a story.

Next.

Hm! Political cartoon, huh?

Why is there a rattlesnake

in the middle

of a sinking canoe?

"The snake represents

Wizzleware."

Oh!

We need articles, cartoons,

editorials, infographics,

all with one message:

"Wizzle must go."

Watch this.

Fascinating.

Look at that!

Uh!

No way!

Yeah-ha-ha!

Ugh, where are they?

They'll be here,

I promise.

Hey, look.

Told you.

Hey, Diane.

Hi, Boots.

Here you go,

all the papers

we found at Scrimmage's,

but it's a loan,

not a gift.

And it's probably better

if we don't know

what it's for.

You know what? Keep the wagons.

We're done here.

Whoa, wait!

Where are you guys going?

No time for a chat?

We're too tired

for all of that.

Our new

assistant headmistress

has some interesting ideas

about teaching.

It's nothing but push-ups,

and sit-ups,

and running, and yelling.

She made us

put rocks in our backpacks

and climb trees

for an hour.

Yeah, well,

at least it was a break

from her dog metaphors.

It's like a nightmare

and a CrossFit class

had a baby, and that baby

is our lives right now.

We have to help them.

Yeah.

Um, we could do

a joint newspaper.

Or... they could try the

Siberian job offer gambit.

It's worth a shot.

Yeah.

It sounds to me like

you girls

are no match

for this Peabody character.

Push-ups and sit-ups

and running and yelling...

There's no way you girls

can handle that.

We can handle whatever

we want to handle.

Uh, we can?

Okay, you think a little

exercise is too much for us?

We can handle whatever

Peabody dishes out at us.

You'll see.

Come on, Diane.

Why are you running

when no one is making you?

You wanna trade sidekicks?

Hmm... Nah.

Mine washes my socks for me.

I'm sorry,

who is the sidekick?

I saw Miss Scrimmage

on the phone

with the superintendent's

office again.

Maybe she'll get rid

of Peabody soon.

Don't count on it.

Besides,

if we get rid of her,

we don't get to prove

that we can handle her.

All right, lapdogs,

on all fours.

Fifty push-ups for speed.

Go!

Done.

Nice work, Burton.

One hundred burpees

for speed, go!

Done!

Burton wins again.

Two hundred jumping jacks

for speed, go!

Done!

Help me.

Diane Grant.

Is there a reason for your

distinct lack of enthusiasm?

I'm just tired, and...

And what?

And I think

all this exercise

is a big waste of time.

I'd rather

just learn something.

Oh, really?

Diane wants to learn.

Well, in addition to your

regular exercises,

we're going

to learn something.

Marching in formation,

military style!

Let's go! One, two!

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