Bruno & Boots: The Wizzle War Page #4

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One, two! One, two!

One, two!

- Thanks, Diane.

- I don't know, Grant.

They don't seem as excited

about learning as you.

Well, I'm up for it.

Good morning!

It has come to my attention

that some of you

are finding

the red ball

exercise repetitive,

so this morning, you are all

getting a yellow ball.

Bruno Walton.

Five demerits.

Bruno.

Bruno, do you know

what will happen

if your Wizzle demerits

go past double digits?

What are you even doing in here?

Saving our school,

one issue at a time.

Dude, look at

these beauties.

I'd give 'em a kiss,

but the ink would smudge.

You're racking up

Wizzle demerits.

This paper

isn't even ready yet!

It's good enough.

This has a typo

in the headline!

"Wizzle must go-o!"

I don't know,

it still works.

Half the articles

are only half-written,

Chris still owes us

the last panel

of his

anti-Wizzle comic strip,

and I found

three swear words

accidentally hidden

in the word search.

Really? I only found two.

Okay,

but we can't stop now.

We have

to strike Wizzle fast,

like a boa constrictor.

Boas don't strike,

they squeeze slowly.

You're against me,

and so are the reptiles.

Can you just take

a step back

and

think this through?

Can't you just

take a step up and help?

Just because

you're doing something

doesn't automatically mean

that you're helping.

Actually, I've helped a ton.

I've already printed off

500 copies.

Now we just need

to get them

to the boys

in all three dorms

without Wizzle or Sturgeon

seeing a single copy.

If you've printed 500 copies,

where are they?

By the door, to dry.

Really?

Yeah.

U- Uh...

"Mr. Wizzle is a tie rant."

Misspelled.

"And like any tye rent,"

misspelled differently,

"we must

stand up to his tie ranny."

Misspelled two different ways

at once.

It's the last one

that hurts the most.

If we could leave the spelling

and grammar issues

- aside for now.

- Of course.

First of all,

I'd like to discuss

the idea of hospitality,

and how we must welcome

any guest to this...

Oh no, no, a conversation

will not be necessary.

Wizzleware's

discipline systems

are far more advanced

than those outdated methods.

Wizzleware,

assess behavior.

Bruno Walton

and Melvin O'Neil:

multiple infractions.

Twenty demerits,

Plus two hundred LINUSS.

LINUSS?

My research shows

that writing certain commands

can positively reprogram

the brain.

The boys will be

assigned to write

"I will not

break the Wizzleware rules"

two hundred times.

On touch screens, of course.

You're making them

write lines?

A punishment

so old-fashioned

it was considered hopelessly

out of date

when I was a schoolboy?

Oh, no, no, no, not lines...

LINUSS.

It stands for Linear

Uploading Synaptic Saturation.

Ahem, boys, will you

excuse us for a few moments?

I need to discuss

with Mr. Wizzle

how to end this

little experiment immediately.

Uh, yeah.

Okay

Oh, I hate to be the one to

break it to you, Mr. Sturgeon,

but you don't have

the authority to modify

or cancel the program

in any way.

Uh, but I'm headmaster

of this school.

Yes, but like any software,

Wizzleware comes with

an end user license agreement,

which Superintendent Snow

agreed to

when she installed the software

at the assembly.

According to the agreement,

the sysadmin... That's me.

...Has final authority

on all matters regarding

the software,

including discipline,

for the life of the contract,

which is stated right there.

Thirty-six months?

Thirty-six divided by...

Three years?

Unless the sysadmin decides

to end the service early,

which he doesn't, because

we're just getting started.

Well.

I hope that

clears things up.

Have a good day, heh.

So what happens now?

Boys, I am going to do

what generations of Sturgeons

have done in times of crisis.

Oh! You're

gonna fight him?

What? No, no, no.

I'm gonna roll up my sleeves

and look for loopholes.

Ms. Davis,

bring me a hard copy

of the Wizzleware agreement

right away.

Right face!

Diane.

Uh...

Forward, march!

Diane!

To the rear, march!

To the rear, march!

Oh, sorry...

Take five, girls.

Come on. Diane,

we have to show Peabody

and everyone else

that we can handle

whatever she gives us.

Or, we could not.

And?

I feel pretty good

about leaving it at that, heh.

Okay, we really need to work

on our column right.

If we don't nail it...

All right.

We can show

the guys who's right.

This is me putting

my best foot forward.

Your other best foot.

Darn it!

Back in formation, ladies!

Well, thank you very much,

Jane, for agreeing

to meet Ms. Scrimmage

and myself.

As you know,

we're very concerned about...

If this is about stopping

your special programs early,

the answer is no.

But you haven't even

heard us out.

I don't need to.

I've got spreadsheets.

Macdonald Hall's preliminary

grades are up 13 percent.

Well, they're just

mindlessly tapping screens.

Who cares what grades

they get at that?

And Scrimmage's instances of

misbehavior

have dropped

by a similar margin.

Well, they're too tired

to misbehave.

That's not

an improvement.

Your words,

Wizzle's numbers.

I know which ones I trust.

Ta-ta.

Well, that went well.

I could punch a duck!

Eugenia,

I've never

heard you so angry.

I know. I'm not myself.

The girls

can't see me like this.

I have to go to my

meditation yurt immediately,

and I'm not coming out

until I'm myself again.

Breathe, Genie, breathe!

Oh, I hate it, uh!

Can't punch a duck anyway.

Well, the paper was a bust,

but we did get

Sturgeon's attention.

He's looking for loopholes

in the contracts.

And luckily,

we've already found one.

What?

It's simple.

The only person that can end

the Wizzle contract early

is Wizzle.

So we just have to make him

want to leave the Hall early.

"What if there was a kid

"who wasn't

in the Wizzle system,

"a kid we make up?

That would seriously drive

Wizzle up the wall."

That is the most ridiculous plan

I've ever heard.

Hey, what if

we scare him away

with Elmer's

new earthquake machine?

Wait, that one is.

Yeah, separately

they're both ridiculous,

Okay,

but what if we do them both?

Then we would be doing

two ridiculous plans

instead of one,

which is worse, not better.

Worse for Wizzle.

Better for us.

Debatable.

Boys,

Wizzle War is back on.

Behold,

the uber-sub-subwoofer.

All we have to do is get this

into the basement

of Wizzle's guest cottage

and he'll be plagued

by terrifying earthquakes

no one else on campus

will feel.

But first, let's test it.

I've set the volume

to eight out of 10.

Okay, ready?

Test.

Maybe three out of 10

would suffice.

Yeah, yeah, three.

Yeah, definitely three.

How are we

even gonna get this

into Wizzle's guest cottage?

Oh, that part's easy.

We'll let

Wally handle that.

Wait, Wally?

Hey, there! I'm Wally,

here to read your water meter

down in your basement there.

Oh.

Okay.

Oh, boy!

Scooch over there,

string bean.

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