Bucky and the Squirrels Page #6
Wow!
Wow!
(imitating gunfire)
Aaaaah!
Adams:
Everybody,let's go this way.
(horn blaring)
Bucky, no! Out of the road.
Out of the road.
Wow.
Wow!
Wow!
Wow!
Wow, wow, wow!
Wow, wow, wow, wow!
Adams:
Squirrels!No, no, no, Squirrels!
Wow! Wow! Whoa!
Whoa!
Adams:
You can't run in here.
(Squirrels shrieking)
Boys!
It's okay!
It's okay, wait for me.
(Squirrels screeching)
Adams:
Okay, come on!Calm down.
Everybody calm down.
Come this way!
Okay, wait.
This way, this way.
Everybody!
Come on, this way!
Let's go back
Come on!
No, Bucky!
(Bucky screaming)
Bucky!
Dammit, Bucky!
Bucky!
Aaaah!
Come on,
let's go.
Bucky, I really like that shirt
on you.
Thanks.
I really like it
on me, too.
That's why
I put it on me.
Guys, I figured out
why they call underpants
underpants.
'Cause they go under
your pants.
Oh. Wow.
Wow!
Then why don't they call
the pants you wear
over your underpants
overpants?
Hmm.
That's a good question.
No, it's not.
- It's not?
- No.
It's a great question.
Randy is very good
at asking questions.
Do you know why I'm so good
at asking questions?
No, why?
I don't know,
I was asking you.
- I got a question.
- Uh-oh.
Let's hear it.
If you were stuck
on a desert island
and you could only bring
41 things,
what would you bring?
- Underpants.
- Toothpaste.
- Maps.
- Toothpaste.
- Cold ice cubes.
- Maps.
Cold ice cubes.
Clothes.
Maps.
- A book.
- A safe.
A book.
How many
is that?
If... if...
Who do you think would win
in a fight,
a grizzly bear
or a grizzly bear
with a mustache?
Is the...
Is the mustache
real?
Do you guys ever think
maybe we never made it
out of the ice?
Adams, cheerily:
Hey, Squirrels!
How are you doin'?
All:
Hi!You guys look
so handsome.
- Thank you, you too.
- You look so handsome.
- That's a lovely suit.
- So handsome, Dr. Adams.
The three buttons,
good number.
You're wearing
a man's clothes.
Adams:
Well,we talked about that.
Women can wear suits.
Bucky:
No, they can't.You guys remember
where we're going today?
All:
Squirrel Mania![cheering]
All right, let me just
finish my drink.
- Adams:
Okay.- Randy:
Put it on this.Adams:
Okay, careful,don't dribble.
Doug:
Let's take thiswith us.
Adams:
No, let's leave that.I don't think we need that.
Doug:
We can surf it.Whoaaa!
Let's go surfin'.
(burps)
Come on, Buck,
we've got ya.
It's pretty big.
(burp)
Guys... okay.
Whoaaaa!
In case
I get cold.
His teeth were red.
Adams:
We might have to bringan extra diaper.
I'll get 'em.
We're all out!
- Randy, come on!
- We used 'em.
- We're leaving, Squirrel Mania.
- Oh, yell at the helpful one.
( "Do the Squirrel" playing)
Adams:
This is crazy,the line goes all the way
around the block.
How did everybody know
we were here?
Social media.
Facebook, Twitter.
Don't look at me,
I don't have one of those
Internet machine things.
Yeah, you do,
it's a computer.
Oh, I do, I have one.
You know, we are more popular,
now that we're alive again
than we were when we were alive
before we were dead.
I think your brain needs
Yeah.
Oh, hi.
I survived
a plane crash.
And who should I make
this out to?
IRS.
Iris. Well, that's
a pretty name.
Here you go.
You're under arrest.
Steve Schmidt, ANC News,
here at IRS headquarters
in Appleton, Wisconsin,
where Bucky
and the Squirrels
are being charged
with tax evasion
for not filing
their taxes in 1968,
the year they disappeared.
If they'd paid
their taxes that year,
they would have owed
a mere $300 each.
But, after over half a century
of interest and penalties,
each of the squirrels
now owes $649,000.
And as a group...
or, as they call it in the animal
kingdom, a drey of squirrels...
that means they owe $2,596,000,
and are facing at least
five years in prison.
I don't want to go
to prison.
Who does?
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Mort, n-none...
None of us wants
to go to prison.
Hmm-mm.
Who would?
I don't know.
Maybe someone who has
friends there?
Or maybe someone
who likes the food.
I bet that some people
even like
the prison outfits.
I bet some people don't.
So those people probably wouldn't
want to go to prison, right?
Unless they liked the food
more than they didn't like
the outfits.
When somebody has
a birthday in prison,
does everybody
get birthday cake
or just that guy
whose birthday it is?
Because, with all
those prisoners,
that's like six
or seven or eight
or nine or ten
birthdays a day.
Whoa! That's
a lot of cake.
What if somebody got
allergic to the cake?
If I was allergic to cake,
and I was in prison,
and they tried to make me
eat that cake
that I was allergic to,
I wouldn't eat it.
Me either.
What could
they do to you?
Oh, they could do
some stuff.
They could lock you
up in timeout.
They could rough
you up a little bit.
Maybe give you
the hose!
Or... or...
they could take away
your birthday cake.
I never thought
of that.
I don't... I don't want
to go to prison.
Who does?
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Who would?
M-maybe...
maybe someone who
has friends there?
Or maybe someone
who likes the food?
I bet
that some people
even like
the prison outfits.
I bet some people
don't.
So those people probably wouldn't
want to go to prison, right?
Unless they liked the food
more than they didn't like
the outfits.
All right, come on.
Squirrels:
Mort... Mort...Mort... Mort.
Adams:
Mort!Bucky:
Hi, Mort.Mort!
Hey, what are you
doing to him?
Come on!
Randy:
I wanted Mortto stay.
Stay.
Sit down, you're just
gonna make things worse.
Doug:
I knew that theydidn't want Mort here.
Mort! Sneaking's
not gonna help. Mort!
Cheese and rice
almighty.
(Squirrels chattering)
Stay out!
Careful, he's...
old.
- I don't wanna go to prison.
- Who does?
Adams:
Just sit, okay?
Behave yourself.
Mort!
Man:
Hey, we told youto stay outside.
Bucky:
You're back!(indistinct chatter)
- (sighs)
- Bucky:
You can have my chair.Phil:
Why are you taking...He has to stay.
Bucky:
Bye, Mort.Sit!
Randy:
Who does?Sit!
Stay!
Doug:
Can Mort come back in?Randy:
Can you... can we getour questions answered?
(indistinct chatter)
(sighs)
Mort!
- Bucky:
Hi, Mort.- Man:
Not again.Bucky, guys?
Are you okay?
Are you all right?
Uh, Mr. Fishbeck. What happened?
What's going on?
The Squirrels are doing
a concert.
Ohh!
(blows)
As many of you know,
last week the IRS filed a case
against the Squirrels
for 50 years of unpaid taxes,
amounting to over $2.5 million.
In an effort to settle the case
and keep the Squirrels
out of prison,
Manager Mort Fishbeck
has represented that the band
is capable of performing
and of earning enough money
to settle their debt
with the IRS.
To that end,
Manager Mort Fishbeck
has scheduled
a test-case performance
right here
in the school's alma mater,
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Bucky and the Squirrels" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bucky_and_the_squirrels_4787>.
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