Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Page #4

I knew I'd be good at this.

I was a huge whore in high school.

Okay, and we're rolling.

Iowa, go ahead and step in there.

Get that f***ing thing out of there.

Jesus.

Don't look at the camera.

All right, Bucky, go ahead,

lose the shirt. Let's see how you look.

Kill that light.

I got a glare off of Bucky's chest.

Okay, Bucky, let's go ahead,

drop your pants.

Yeah, no problem.

Okay, Gretchen, now would be

a good time to pop out the puppies.

What the f*** just happened?

My brain just sparkled.

Where did that go?

Oh, I see some on the ceiling.

I don't think I have any on me.

Did he just come again?

Yeah. You got it on the lens.

I'm so sorry, Miles.

I have no control, honest.

No worries, kid.

Go ahead, put your clothes back on.

So...

...was it good or bad? How did I do?

It was....

It was.

- Yes.

- Let's wrap it up for today.

Jimmy will give you a ride home.

He's not gonna jizz all over my car,

is he?

Shut the f*** up, Jimmy.

Here you go.

Where's the blue one?

Don't play with me, man.

And the black one.

The black one is what keeps me

from biting your f***ing ear off.

It's just my mom said that

you went to rehab a couple times--

Your mom's a slut.

But she's your sister.

Exactly. How do you think I know?

Why are you looking at this footage?

I thought you said it was garbage.

Because I'm looking to see

how the camera looks.

- If that's all right with you, sh*t stains.

- It's fine.

Thank you.

My God.

This guy has got some piano keys

in his mouth.

Yeah, when he pulled down his pants,

I thought he had a vagina.

Yeah. I had that vagina moment too.

Even though he's hung like a ladybug,

at least he's not afraid to show it.

God, I got up too fast.

What do you want me to do

with all the footage?

I don't give a f*** what you do with it.

Put it up your ass.

Gary, I'm so glad

you're finally awake.

I had the craziest night last night.

I shot an actual movie--

Whose cereal is that?

Mine. I bought it yesterday.

Did you buy your own milk?

- No. Can I borrow some?

- Hell, no. F*** you.

Hey. Hi, Bucky.

Hey, Kathy.

What's up, Kathy?

Would you like some milk?

No, thanks, Gary. Hey, Bucky.

You wanna walk me to work?

Yeah, sure.

- I like walking.

- That's nice, Gary.

- Come on.

- I had the craziest night.

Oh, yeah? What happened?

Why don't you walk on my tits,

you big, f***ing lesbo?

Hi, Mom. No, I wasn't talking to you.

It was like I dreamed. The lights were

on and the director had a cool camera.

When I pulled down my pants,

I saw colors in my brain.

Then there was a pop.

And then stuff came out.

There was a pop,

they said, "It was."

They had a weird helmet. They

knew I got a B in Social Studies.

I mean, you've been here two days...

...and your dreams

are already coming true.

- That's incredible.

- Yeah, it's crazy.

I don't know, but I'm babbling.

Enough about me.

I wanna know about you, Kathy.

What are your dreams?

I want to be a waitress.

Your dreams came true.

Why didn't you tell me?

So you know what I'm going through.

Dreams are crazy.

Well, not really.

I mean, the diner's not my dream.

It's my nightmare, actually.

But, you know,

it's where I've been banished.

Yeah, I was going to

mention that earlier.

The people don't seem nice to you...

...and the food

makes my bottom burn.

Why were you banished?

There was an incident, Bucky.

- You killed a man?

- No. Not exactly.

When I first moved to L. A.,

I got a job at a five-star restaurant.

You know, it was my dream job.

And on the first day of training...

...I was carrying a tray of soups

for a table of 10.

And it was heavy, you know?

But I toughed it out.

But then, halfway to the table,

my arm gave out...

...and I spilled soup

all over this old lady.

She screamed...

...so loud.

She had to be choppered

to a burn unit in San Diego.

No.

And ever since then...

...you know, I just burst into tears

when I see a large food tray.

So that's why I work at Tony's.

No trays.

Listen up, Kath.

We'll get your dream back, okay?

And you won't burn the elderly.

I promise.

Thanks, Bucky.

- Oh, there's one other thing.

- What?

You're it.

- Hi, Bucky.

- Hey, Miles.

It's great to see you.

So hey, how did our scene

edit together?

That's what I want

to talk to you about.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. Now, listen.

Yeah. Sit.

So I think you should be

in the porn business.

But in another way

besides on camera.

Perhaps behind the scenes.

But I want to be a star.

It's my destiny.

Yeah, yeah, I know, Bucky.

Your parents and destiny.

But porn stars have to have

certain things.

- You know?

- Yeah, I can get a tan.

No, I meant more in the crotch area.

Oh, yeah. No, I can tan my crotch.

No, Bucky.

He's talking about your dick,

dum-dum.

You don't got the:

Bucky, you're a really nice kid.

I just don't want to see you

waste your time.

I'm just trying to be

honest with you, kid.

Yeah, okay.

I'm sorry. I gotta go.

Bucky, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Bucky.

Hey, Miles, baby.

I'll do a movie for you.

I'm hung like a cocker spaniel.

- Cocker spaniel is not a big dog.

- Yeah, but it's nice and soft.

With cuddly eyes.

Your dick has cuddly eyes?

You know what I mean.

You know what the f*** I mean.

F*** you!

Did you eat one of my grapes?

Is that why you're crying,

you son of a b*tch?

You're pathetic.

What the f*** is with

the forwarding of all the videos?

What did my mom send me?

What the f***?

I uploaded it on youpube.net.

It's gotten almost a million hits

in three days.

- You're kidding.

- No.

All my friends watched it with their

girls and they all got laid afterwards.

Right.

The guys aren't threatened.

And the girls think they've got a prize

compared to Bucky.

Every small dick out there

has been waiting for this.

How do you know that?

Let's stay focused.

This is a good angle.

Retail Spell Checked

I'm just saying, I've never been

fully filled up on camera before.

You're saying you have more inches

to your torpedo?

At least five more.

- We could blow some minds.

- And more loads.

- J. Day.

- Hey, Miles, come in.

- How's it going, buddy?

- Good, good.

Do you know Dick Shadow?

- Yeah. It's been a while.

- Yeah.

Yeah, well, you've been busy.

Yeah, Nice. Miles, is that the DVD?

Right there.

Miles called me about discovering

the new heat in porn.

Really?

I didn't know porn needed heating up.

Do you mind if I sit in on this,

J. Day?

- Yeah, yeah, yes, of course.

- Yeah.

Stay and check it out.

Have a seat, Miles.

- Make yourself comfy.

- Okay. Thanks.

I know who that guy is.

- Does he have p*ssy?

- Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute here.

What--?

What's he turning into, a werewolf?

He's got quite the squirt gun, huh?

Well, what do you think?

I mean, the guy can spunk

like a monkey...

...but his face is a nightmare

with the teeth.

He should not be on camera.

You're pulling my nuts, huh?

- This a joke?

- No.

This thing was all over the Internet.

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