Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Page #7

This is your award ceremony.

Bucky,

you didn't have to give me anything.

I didn't. You won it.

And now, for waitress of the year

or millennium, Kathy McGee!

Oh, flip it over, read the back.

"Congratulations to the

best waitress in the world.

Nobody carries food better."

That's you.

I didn't plan on winning anything

tonight, so, you know, I just....

- I thought you should get a trophy.

- Thank you, Bucky.

You know,

I've never won anything before.

I've never been to any

fancy award shows and....

I've never had a guy

treat me like a star.

And I've never had anyone

believe in me the way that you do.

Yeah, of course.

You deserve it, Kathy.

- What is that for?

- For being you.

You know, Bucky, I was thinking...

...since you've never done it

with any of the girls in your videos...

...and, you know,

I've never done it, either...

...I was thinking that maybe

we could do it together.

- So you're a Virgo too?

- Yeah.

But if we're going to do this,

then we have to be careful, okay?

My mother said that protection...

...is just as important for you

as it is for me.

Yeah, sure, sure.

- Okay. Do you have any protection?

- Do I have a knife?

Try that.

It fits.

You've got hair too.

Kathy?

Kathy? Where are you, sweet pea?

There you are.

Good morning.

Look at you, carrying a tray like a pro.

- It's not a big deal.

- Kathy....

That was so great last night.

With all the kissing and the cuddling...

...and the pushing and the bumping.

That was the best night of my life.

And I'm not even talking

about the awards.

I could careless about that.

I'm talking about...

...just being with you.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty cool, I guess.

You know, Bucky,

I've been thinking about it...

...and last night was really

fun and everything...

...and I just think, you know,

since it was my first time...

...that I should explore all my options.

Just really get out there and have

other experiences with other guys.

Other--? Other guys?

But I only want to do that with you.

Yeah. We're not married, Bucky.

We're young

and we should have fun.

And I have to get an earlier flight

back to L.A.

I picked up the dinner shift,

and I'll see you later. Okay?

I don't understand.

- Hello?

- Hey, up and at them, sunshine.

Me and J. Day have been at the airport

all night trying to outrun airplanes.

Come on,

meet us downstairs for breakfast.

I've got breakfast up here.

F*** that. Let's go, down.

We're not stopping now, Bucky.

This is only the beginning.

Kathy left this morning.

That's what chicks do. They leave.

That's how this sh*t works.

They're whores. Except Blueberry.

- We are taking it to the next level.

- Oh, yes.

J. Day is producing

all of our movies now.

He paid off the mafia and he wants

to put you under an exclusive deal.

Men don't want to live

in the shadows anymore.

They want to look down

at their baby dick...

...and pee and bang and be happy.

We think that, in our new movies,

what you should do...

...is you should

actually have sex with the girls.

But what about

what we've been doing?

The world's wondering if you can even

get inside someone with that thing.

- But Kathy. I--

- Kathy's gone, man.

She's gone. She told you so.

She's probably on the plane right now,

f***ing another guy on her way home.

Yes, she's probably banging the pilot

like crazy. "Kathy," you know?

Hey, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.

This is about you now.

You gotta look to the future, man.

- Let's have a toast.

- Let's drink to you, Bucky.

You're the big--

I'm sorry. I think I just jizzed on you.

- I'm a lucky Internet chipmunk.

- Come on, show some respect, Dick.

That's a joke, J. Day.

Why don't you show some respect

to our industry?

Or to your manhood?

- You f***ing wannabes.

- Come on, Dick.

Nothing grows in my cock-shade.

Nothing.

Do you know what grows

in your cock-shade?

A field of baby d*cks.

I just still can't believe it, Pop.

I tried to call her.

She didn't even answer the phone.

I don't know.

She seemed like a good egg.

She was a beautiful egg.

Painted gold.

Laid by a diamond goose.

Now, look, son, you gotta buck up.

You have to power through this.

You got a big movie to shoot.

That's why you're out there.

Suck it, whore!

The weather is a little bit windy....

- Here you go, Uncle Miles.

- What the hell are you doing?

You said you wanted--

I'm about to direct the biggest movie

of my career. I don't wanna be high.

I want to be focused.

She moved out of your complex?

She won't even see me at her job.

That's heavy, man.

I had a man leave me once.

One night, after he f***ed me,

he told me the smell is so brutal...

...that he break up with me.

And we were in love too.

But he said that the fumes

from my backside...

...that they make him gag

and that they give him nightmares.

And he said

that the sweat from my ass...

...it could be used

as a chemical weapon.

So I tried cleaning it

and scrubbing it.

I used a car freshener.

Nothing.

I tried eating only pineapple.

- What the f*** are you doing?

- Nothing. Just talking about the movie.

There's no talking. Get the f*** out

of his head. Get out of here!

Come on.

Stand up, let me see the duds.

Good. Good, good. Perfect.

- Hey, Miles?

- Yeah, Buck?

I just wanted to say thanks.

Thanks for bringing me my dreams.

And for being my friend.

- Of course, Bucky.

- And my folks thank you too.

They know how tough

this town can be...

...and to have someone that's in your

corner and that cares about you...

...is real nice.

This rock is boiling, Miles.

Can we go?

Relax.

You know how many girls

would love to be tied to a hot rock...

...waiting for Bucky Larson

to try and put it in them?

We are rolling. Er-action!

The sun is beating down on me.

I'm losing my mind.

Oh, no! It's Fucky Bucky.

Don't touch me, you dirty man.

Oh, no.

The wind just blew my clothes off.

She's good actress.

Come on, buddy. Pound her.

Cut!

- I can't let you do this, Buck.

- Why, what happened?

I got a confession to make, Bucky.

Kathy didn't leave you on her own.

I told her to do it.

- What?

- That morning in Las Vegas...

...at the hotel,

we'd been up partying all night...

...and J. Day gave me the news

about our new deal.

And I ran into Kathy in the restaurant

and she was so happy...

...but I was so f***ed up,

I told her about our new plan...

...to have you bang the chicks.

She looked horrified.

She said you'd never want to do that.

I just lost it.

I told her that this is why

you come out here.

This was your destiny.

And that she'd be selfish

if she stood in your way.

She started to cry

and I said to her that...

...if she cared about you...

...that she'd cut you loose

and let you be great.

I had no right to do that.

She loved you.

You meant the world to her.

And I don't want to see you

make the same mistakes I did.

You need to go to Kathy.

You need to go right now.

I forgive you, Miles.

I'm gonna go tell her.

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