Buddymoon Page #2

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OKAY.

DAVID, CAN WE INCREASE

OUR PACE A BIT?

OH, GOD.

HEY, DAVID,

WE'RE SLOWING DOWN.

MOVE THOSE TINY LEGS.

GOOD GOD.

WHOA.

WHAT'S THE ALTITUDE HERE?

WOW, THESE, UH--

THESE PACKS:

ARE HEAVY, HUH?

-NO, NOT REALLY.

-PRETTY LIGHT.

- ARE YOU OKAY?

- YEAH, I JUST, UH--

THINK THA MORNING BOTTLE OF ROS

IS CATCHING UP TO ME.

THAT WAS A BAD IDEA.

LET'S SWEAT IT OUT.

COME.

JUST PUSH OUT THAT ROS,

PUSH IT OU YOUR PORES, DAVID.

-DAVID?

-OH, MY GOD.

-OH, MY GOD.

-DON'T LET THE TRAIL HIKE YOU.

YOU MUST HIKE:

THE TRAIL, DAVID.

COME.

HAHA-HAH!

YEAH!

FEEL IT IN:

YOUR LUNGS, DAVID.

MY LEGS ARE TINGLING.

OH, NATURE.

YOU'RE SO REFRESHING.

YOU'RE LIKE

AN ARNOLD PALMER.

YOU'RE LIKE A CIGARETTE.

BUT NOT FILLED WITH NICOTINE,

YOU'RE FILLED WITH...

NATURE.

WOO AHH!

I CAN'T FEEL MY BUTT.

AH HAHA HAH!

NATURE, I SUCK YOU IN.

OH, MY GOD.

I CAN'T FEEL MY TOES,

WHICH I UNDERSTAND,

BUT I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS,

WHICH SCARES ME.

HOW FAR:

DID WE WALK TODAY, DAVID?

WE WALKED TWO POINT--

JUST TWO MILES.

HOW MANY MORE MILES

REMAIN?

I THINK WE NEED:

TO WALK FASTER.

YEAH, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, DAVID.

WE ARE READY FOR A HIKE.

OH, DAVID,

DO YOU KNOW HOW LIKE, WHEN--

WHEN SMALL THINGS

YOU CARRY THEM,

THEY HELP YOU MOVE FASTER

MORE NIMBLE LIKE A LEOPARD?

LET ME SHOW YOU A TRICK

FROM MY FATHER:

I LEARNED ON A VOLKSMARCH.

-HERE.

-OKAY.

YEAH, HERE WE GO.

UGH. YEAH. SIEST DU?

YOU'VE BEHEADED

MY TOOTHBRUSH.

NOW IT'S SIX GRAMS LIGHTER,

APPROXIMATE.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THE OTHER

95 PERCENT OF IT?

OH, YOU WILL CARRY

THAT IN YOUR POCKET UNTIL

WE FIND A TRASHCAN.

-YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S, UH...

-EXCELLENT.

THEN YOU WILL:

MOVE FASTER, YES?

GOING ON A HIKE:

WITH MY FRIEND DAVID.

WHO IS RIGHT BEHIND ME

FOR SURE.

OH, LOOK, I FOUND--

I FOUND A PYRAMID

-OR SOMETHING INTERESTING.

-OKAY, WAIT UP.

YOU SHOULD SEE IT.

IT'S DISAPPEARING QUICK.

THERE'S SO MANY GREA SOUNDS HERE, DAVID.

"ONE OF OUR GREAT TASKS

IS TO RECORD:

NATIVE SPECIMENS

IN THIS NEW PAR OF THE CONTINENT."

NOTE, RECORD LEAF SLAPS.

"MERIWETHER HAS TAKEN

A KEEN INTEREST IN THIS.

EVEN EMPLOYING:

A SPECIAL APPARATUS

IN THESE PURSUITS."

IT'S PHOTOSYNTHESIZING.

RIGHT NOW.

"I TOO HAVE JOINED MERIWETHER

IN THIS ENDEAVOR."

-IT'S GROSS.

-AH.

RECORD MORE PHOTOSYNTHESIS

FOR MY SYNTHESIZER.

"AND I AM EAGER TO ASSIS IN THE PROCESS."

WHAT'RE YOU DOING, MAN?

I'M RECORDING SOUNDS

FOR THIS SONG.

WHAT SONG?

IT'S THE GREATEST SONG

THAT I'VE EVER WRITTEN.

UH, I SEE IT HAS NOT BEEN

WRITTEN YET.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT'S

NOW IS FOR.

WAIT, STOP, STOP,

STOP, STOP.

-DO THAT AGAIN. NO.

-WHAT?

-BACK, BACK.

-WHAT?

LIKE, SHH, LIKE THIS,

JUST GO LIKE THIS.

-WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO IT?

-YOU DO IT.

AGAIN.

MORE.

-WHAT IS HAPPENING?

-SHH!

"THOUGH HIS METHODOLOGY

IS SOMETIMES PERPLEXING"...

"WIND TREE BLOW."

RECORD TOMORROW.

"I HAVE NO DOUBT THA THE PRESIDEN -AND FUTURE GENERATIONS

OF SCHOLARS"...

-OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

..."WILL BE MUCH DELIGHTED

WITH OUR NEW DISCOVERIES."

-THIS IS PERFECT C-MINOR.

-MM.

-YOU KNOW?

-YEAH.

I PEE IN THE KEY

OF C-MINOR.

YOU DO?

IN A STANDARD TOILET,

OR COURSE.

WE'LL RECORD THAT LATER.

CAN YOU PASS ME THE GORP?

-SORRY, WHAT?

-THE GORP.

-THE GORP?

-THE GORP.

-GORP?

-THE GORP.

-THE GORP?

-GORP.

-WHAT'S THIS?

-IT STANDS FOR, UM...

IT'S...

CAN I HAVE THE TRAIL MIX?

-OH, YEAH, SURE.

-THANK YOU.

THAT WAS RIGHT THERE.

YOU KNOW, FLULA,

LEWIS AND CLARK:

HIKED THROUGH HERE OVER

200 YEARS AGO.

COULDA...

SLEPT RIGHT HERE.

THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD RESEARCH

IF I GET THE PART.

DO YOU THINK LEWIS

URINATED ON THAT TREE?

THAT TREE?

-MM-HMM.

-NO.

BUT IF THEY CAMPED HERE,

YOU KNOW, TO LEAVE THE TEN -AND THEN--

-ALLOW ME FOR A SECOND.

CLARK HAD A SLAVE

NAMED YORK:

WHO DID:

THE ENTIRE JOURNEY

WITH THEM.

YORK ACTUALLY SAVED MERIWEATHER

LEWIS FROM A GRISSLY ATTACK,

HE WAS REVERED AS A BRAVE

AND-- AND GIANT OF A MAN

BY THE LOCAL INDIAN TRIBES.

AT THE END OF THE JOURNEY,

CLARK WHIPPED YORK

FOR NO WANTING TO GO BACK

AS A SLAVE.

-WHAT?

-AWFUL.

-THAT'S TERRIBLE.

-YEAH, IT'S DEPRESSING

PART OF THE SCRIPT,

AND I'M TRYING TO HAVE THEM

TWEAK THE ENDING.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

DOING SOME WORK ON CLARK,

CLARK WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

CLARK WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE,

UH, I LOVE YOU.

YOU DID IT WITH US.

I SET YOU FREE.

-GO HAVE A LIFE.

-GO, BE FREE.

THAT'S MY TAKE.

JUST GO.

-I LIKE THAT, DAVID.

-THANK YOU.

-DO YOU KNOW

ANOTHER THING I LIKE?

-WHAT'S THAT?

FAST LUNCHES:

AND HARD HIKES.

OH, YOU'RE DONE.

DAVID, I'M FIGHTING TIME.

IN 60 YEARS,

I'LL BE DUST AND MOLECULES.

WOW.

SO, SUCK IT, TIME.

I'M GONNA HIKE

ON YOUR FACE. RIGHT?

I'LL TAKE MY BREAK

WHEN WE HIKE.

THE YOUNG BIRD GETS, UH--

GETS ALL THE WORMS.

MEANS A TARDY BIRD

JUST-- UGH,

EATS GRAVEL:

OR, YOU KNOW,

SAND.

OTHER WORMS THAT ARE DEAD

AND SMELL BAD.

COME ON, DAVID!

LOOK, DAVID, A HUMAN.

-HEY, THERE!

-UH! JEEZ.

GOD! JEEZ!

YOU GUYS:

JUST SCARED ME:

SO MUCH.

I HAVEN'T SEEN SOMEBODY

IN A LONG TIME.

HEY, WHAT'RE YOU GUYS

DOING OUT HERE?

-OH, WE ARE ON A HONEYMOON.

-OH.

THAT'S AWESOME!

CONGRATULATIONS.

WE'RE-- HE--

WE'RE ON MY HONEYMOON.

HE'S COMING ALONG WITH ME

ON MY HONEYMOON, SO...

-HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER.

-LET'S BE CLEAR-- FRIENDS.

-WE ARE HONEY-BUDDIES.

-YOU GUYS ARE GONNA MAKE

A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.

YOU'RE GONNA

HAVE KIDS, RIGHT?

-YES.

-AWESOME.

-WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

-MAZEL TOV.

THANK YOU.

I'M REALLY HAPPY

FOR YOU GUYS.

SERIOUSLY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

WHAT IS IT?

I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.

WHAT'RE YOU HEARING?

IT'S GONE.

IS IT SASQUATCH?

-AH...

-IS IT A MINOTAUR?

-UM...

-IT'S A YETI.

WE HAVE TWO IN GERMANY.

WELL, UM, NOT--

NOT TO FREAK YOU GUYS OU OR ANYTHING,

BUT ENJOY:

YOUR TIME TOGETHER.

-OKAY.

-'CAUSE THERE'S

THESE, UM--

THERE'S WOLVES.

WAS THAT A WOLF?

YEAH.

THEY'RE GOVERNMEN EXPERIMENT WOLVES.

YEAH, THEY'RE PUMPED

WITH GMOS,

AND THEY ARE MASSIVE,

HUGE ANIMALS.

THEY KILL FOR PLEASURE

AND THEY'RE FANGS ARE HUGE.

AND THEY LEAVE THEY'RE KILL

SO THAT YOU SEE IT,

SO THAT YOU KNOW

THAT YOU ARE THE ONE

THAT IS BEING HUNTED.

THEY'VE GOT THESE HUGE GIAN VELOCIRAPTOR CLAWS.

BUT, LISTEN.

HAVE A GREAT HONEYMOON,

ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER.

JUST BE COOL, OKAY?

DON'T SWEAT...

BECAUSE THEY SMELL

THE SWEAT.

AND, UM, LISTEN,

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A-- A--

A HONEYMOON PRESEN BECAUSE I LIKE YOU GUYS.

THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.

I GREW 'EM MYSELF.

I'M TAKING THIS

LITTLE FAMILY WITH ME

BECAUSE I WATCHED

THEM GROW.

THERE'S NORBERTO

AND REGINA.

AND, UH, RAUL,

AND SEBASTIAN--

HE'S THE YOUNGEST ONE

OF THE FAMILY.

AND THEY ARE-- MM.

SO, LISTEN.

ENJOY YOUR HONEYMOON.

ENJOY THE HIKE.

ENJOY MOTHER NATURE.

HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

"LITTLE GENIUS."

JESUS CHRIST, THAT'S IT.

WITH THE LITTLE ROBOT GUY.

THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART.

"DOES NOT COMPUTE."

"DOES NOT COMPUTE.

IT DOES NOT COMPUTE."

-THAT WAS THE ROBOT'S LINE.

-IT DOES NOT COMPUTE.

I WAS THE BOY:

NEXT TO THE ROBOT.

HE WAS THE MOST HUMAN

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