Buddymoon Page #3

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PART OF THAT WHOLE SHOW.

YEAH, EVERYBODY ELSE

WAS MORE LIKE ROBOTS.

THANKS FOR BEING

PART OF MY LIFE.

ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S TERRIFYING

ABOUT THE WOLVES, DAVID.

OH, DON'T BELIEVE

THE WOLVES.

DAVID, I HAVE A QUESTION

ABOUT YOUR MOVIE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT YOU WERE SAYING EARLIER

ABOUT SUPERMAN:

OWNING A SLAVE.

-WHAT?

-WELL,

WE HAVE LEWIS AND CLARK--

LEWIS LOVES CLARK

OF COURSE--

THEY'RE LOVERS,

CLARK IS ALWAYS:

IN THE PHONE BOOTH,

AND THEN HE'S SUPERMAN,

SO, WHY IS HE--

WHOA, WHOA,

BACK UP.

UM, LOIS AND CLARK KEN ARE FICTITIOUS CHARACTERS.

LEWIS AND CLARK:

ARE ACTUAL EXPLORERS

WHO EXPLORE THIS AREA.

OKAY, I--

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHO IS WHO,

BUT I WAN TO GO ON THE RECORD

AND TELL YOU:

THAT I AM:

AGAINST SLAVERY.

SO...

IF YOU GET THE ROLE,

I MAY NO GO TO THE PREMIERE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHERE TO START.

HOW IS HE LIKE--?

HE'S LIKE SUPER FAST.

FASTER THAN A:

SPEEDING BULLET,

MORE POWER:

THAN A "LOCOMOTION."

OH, YES,

AND HE OWNS A SLAVE,

'CAUSE HE CANNO CARRY HIS KNAPSACK?

THAT'S WRONG,

SUPERMAN.

"MY DEAREST LOVE.

I WRITE TO YOU:

FROM THE OTHER SIDE

OF THE CONTINEN WITH NO KNOWLEDGE

OF WHEN OR IF:

YOU WILL EVER:

RECEIVE THESE WORDS."

"I KNOW THAT WHEN

WE LAST SAW EACH OTHER

OUR HEARTS WERE HEAVY.

AND I PRAY THIS FINDS YOU

IN BETTER SPIRITS

LIVING A LIFE FULFILLED.

FOR ME,

THIS NEW ENDEAVOR

HAS BEEN A WORK:

OF STAGGERING DIFFICULTY

AND, YET,

THE REWARDS ARE MANY,

AND WE MAKE:

GREAT PROGRESS.

I AM LUCKY:

TO TRAVEL WITH A MAN

SUCH AS MERIWETHER...

UNIQUELY QUALIFIED

TO LEAD THIS EXPEDITION.

I WAS THINKING:

THIS MORNING:

OF THE DAYS:

WE FIRST ME IN KENTUCKY

AND WHAT A JOYOUS TIME

THAT WAS."

UGH!

-BRILLIANT.

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

-GREAT.

-THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

-OH, GOOD. I FELT REALLY

GOOD ABOUT IT.

YOU FOOLED THE BIKER

OVER THERE.

-YES.

-PLAY ACTING.

SO WATCH ME:

DO THIS TO YOU.

-OKAY.

-OH, CRAIG.

OH!

HOW DID THAT-- YEAH?

-OH-- BOOM!

-OH!

-OH!

-HAH!

AGAIN. DON'T DO THIS

IN A STREET FIGHT.

-OKAY.

-'CAUSE YOU WON' MAKE CONTACT.

-BUT THIS ISN'T GOOD, RIGHT?

-NO, IT'S JUST TERRIBLE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO TELEGRAPH I IN A STREET FIGHT.

YOU WANT TO TELEGRAPH I FOR THE AMERICAN VIEWER.

-RIGHT.

-YEAH, OR WHOEVER

GETS IT ABROAD.

YOU DON'T NEED THAT.

YOU NEED-- BOOM!

-OKAY, I'M GONNA

DO ONE MORE, OKAY?

-OKAY, GO FOR IT.

-OW!

-OH, MY GOD!

-OH GOD, ARE YOU OKAY?

-YEAH, YEAH, I'M FAKING.

-OH, MY GOD.

I'M SO SORRY.

-WOW!

-THAT'S OKAY.

-I'M SO SORRY.

YOU CAME SO CLOSE

THAT YOU ACTUALLY HIT ME.

-THAT'S HOW CLOSE YOU CAME.

-YEAH, IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

-I REALLY FELT IT THAT TIME.

-BY THE WAY, IT DOESN'T HURT.

-OH, GOD.

-IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE.

MY EYES ARE ONLY WATERING

'CAUSE OF MY NOSE

-IS REALLY SENSITIVE.

-OH, RIGHT.

"I HOPE THAT SOMEDAY

YOU WILL READ THIS LETTER.

AND IF SOMEHOW:

I RETURN HOME AGAIN,

THAT OUR EYES:

WILL MEET ONCE MORE.

YOURS, WILLIAM CLARK."

AH! DAVID!

HELP, DAVID!

I'M TRAPPED!

AH! OH, DAVID!

DAVID, HELP!

HELP, DAVID!

OH, GOD!

DAVID!

DAVID, HELP!

-OH, MY GOD!

-ROCK HIT ME!

-OH, DAVID!

-WHAT HAPPENED?

THE ROCKS! THE ROCKS!

I WAS RECORDING A TONE!

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

AH!

DUDE, I'M GETTING NO SERVICE.

WE CAN'T CALL OUT.

-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

-PRETEND I'M LIKE JAMES FRANCO.

I'LL DO-- NO, NO, NO, NO!

I CANNOT CUT YOU!

-WE HAVE TO CUT IT, DAVID.

-OH, NO, NO, NO...

-NO, DAVID, YOU HAVE TO CUT IT.

-I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS.

-THIS IS MY HONEYMOON!

-CUT IT, DAVID! I'M GONNA DIE!

DAVID,

YOU HAVE TO CUT IT.

-TAKE IT.

-OH, MY GOD.

IF WE DON'T MAKE IT OUT, DAVID,

SEND MY ARM TO MY DAD.

MY FATHER:

WOULD LIKE MY ARM.

-DON'T DO THE TENDONS.

-ALL RIGHT.

-THE TENDONS FIRST.

-I NEED A COUNTDOWN.

-THREE, TWO--

-NO, NO, BUT THEN WHAT?

-WHAT?

-DAVID! IF ANYBODY

WOULD CUT MY ARM,

I WOULD WANT I TO BE YOU, DAVID.

OH MAN, I'M SORRY, BUDDY.

LET'S DO THIS, READY?

-ONE...

-TWO...

THREE!

-DAVID, A SNACK.

-IS THAT KETCHUP?

DO YOU HAVE SOME FRIES?

-PERHAPS SOME HASH BROWNS.

-THAT WAS REALLY ELABORATE.

-DID I GET YOU?

-YOU DID GET ME.

THAT IS SO BIZARRE THAT YOU

WOULD GO TO THAT LENGTH.

-YOU ARE A SIX-YEAR-OLD-BOY.

-MAYBE SEVEN.

-IT'S GOING TO BE COMING.

-I'M READY.

THAT'S MY KNIFE,

BY THE WAY.

DO YOU HAVE A TOWEL?

I GOT RECEPTION!

RECEPTION'S GONE.

DAVID! PUT DOWN

YOUR PHONE,

AND JOIN ME:

IN THESE WATERS.

COME TAKE A FREEZING

COLD BATH WITH ME, DAVID.

YOU WILL LOVE IT.

JUST IGNORE:

THE SHRINKAGE.

DAVID,

I HAVE GOOSE SKIN

RIGHT NOW.

IT FEELS SO GOOD.

OH, HI, DUCKS.

HOPIN' FOR A SIGNAL.

I NEED TO KNOW:

IF I GOT THIS PART.

COME, DAVID.

INCREASE YOUR:

HIP-MOVING VELOCITY.

LET'S GO.

AND I HAVE TO TALK

TO FRANKIE.

OH, DAVID, STOP IT.

FOCUS YOUR FACE ON THIS NATURE.

"IT SEEMS WE ARE NOW BEYOND

REACH OF THE KNOWN WORLD.

I THINK OF THOSE AT HOME

WHO HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE

OF OUR WELL BEING."

NOTHING.

"IF WE ARE ALIVE OR DEAD."

WHY DO YOU THINK

FRANKIE CONTACTED ME?

I MEAN, DO YOU THINK

THAT SHE WANTS TO MOVE

BACK IN WITH ME?

I DON'T KNOW, DAVID.

OKAY, ACCORDING

TO THIS MAP,

WE SHOULD GO ONTO

THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS RIDGE,

AND THERE:

COULD BE A TOWER

OVER THERE.

WE'RE SURROUNDED

ONLY BY NATURE, DAVID.

I DON'T THINK BEAVERS

CAN BUILD CELL PHONE TOWERS.

WELL, THE PHONE

SAYS OTHERWISE.

NOTHING STILL.

DAVID, HERE.

I'M SLIGHTLY TALLER.

LET ME TRY.

OKAY.

UH! A LITTLE HIGHER.

YEP. HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT, CELL TOWERS.

SMELL THIS PHONE.

HA! WE GOT IT!

-WE GOT--

-AH!

OH, GOD!

UGH!

-OH, NO, NO!

-OH, SCHEIE.

YEAH,

IT'S COMPLETELY F***ED.

I'M SORRY, DAVID.

SCHEIE.

HERE.

GET YOUR PHONE OUT.

I DIDN'T BRING IT.

IT'S IN THE CAR.

I-- I DIDN'T THINK

WE WOULD HAVE SERVICE.

-THE MAPS WERE IN THIS PHONE.

-UH, NO, THAT'S OKAY.

BEFORE IT BROKE,

I CHECKED.

WE HAVE TO GO TO LIKE A PLACE

CALLED RED FOX.

YEAH.

WELL, DO YOU

KNOW WHERE THAT IS?

WE'LL FIND IT FOR SURE.

HOW MANY RED FOXES

ARE THERE, DAVID? RIGHT?

UH, I THINK

IT'S RED FOX HILLS.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

WHY-- WHY-- WHY IS THAT?

-IT'S IN MY GUTS.

-UH, WE'RE GOING

WITH YOUR GUTS NOW?

THAT'S HOW WE'RE HIKING?

WELL, WHAT WOULD

LEWIS AND CLARK DO?

THEY WOULD HAVE USED

A NATIVE AMERICAN GUIDE

OR A COMPASS.

COMPASS? GREAT.

LET'S USE THAT.

OH, GOOD, YEAH.

UH, THAT WAS ON MY PHONE.

SO, DO YOU HAVE A GUIDE?

I DON'T HAVE A GUIDE.

-LET'S GO THAT WAY.

-LET'S DO IT.

IT'S PROBABLY

ALL THE SAME.

COME ON, DAVID.

"WHEN I FIRST VIEWED

THESE MOUNTAINS,

I FELT A SUDDEN PLEASURE.

BUT NOW, AS I REFLEC ON THE DIFFICULTIES

WHICH THIS SNOWY BARRIER

THROWS IN OUR WAY,

AND THE SUFFERINGS

AND HARDSHIPS OF OUR PARTY,

IT IN SOME MEASURE

COUNTER BALANCES

THOSE FOND MEMORIES."

AND WHAT ARE YOUR GUTS

TELLING YOU NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

MY GPS IS DOWN, DAVID.

OH, YOU HAVE A GPS?

YEAH.

MY GUTS POSITIONING SYSTEM.

IT'S NOT WORKING

BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.

I THINK IT NEEDS

A SANDWICH.

"AFTER NARROWLY AVOIDING

RUINESS INJURY"...

COME, DAVID.

..."WE LOOK TO DESCENDING

FROM THIS RETCHED MOUNTAIN

WHICH WE HAVE NOW NAMED,

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