Bullets Over Broadway Page #4

to meet you. Well done.

- Thank you.

- It's a wonderful play.

Some lovely speeches.

- I'm honored you're doing it.

- It's my pleasure.

- Our stage manager, Mitch.

- Mitchell Sabine.

I'm here if you need anything.

- Mitchell, nice to meet you.

- That's fine.

- And you're gonna be

in dressing room two.

- Lovely.

- And this is my assistant, Lorna.

- Pleased to meet you.

- Lorna, nice to meet you.

We have coffee and Danish,

some smoked salmon.

Um, Mitchell, would it be

frightfully tiresome if I just

had hot water and lemon?

- Not at all.

- Thank you.

- And of course you know Julian Marx.

- Oh, Julian, yes.

- Our swords have crossed.

- Warner, you look wonderful.

- And yourself.

- [ Woman Giggling ]

[ David ] Eden Brent, who plays

the other woman, arrived second.

She has

a wonderful vivacity.

[ Giggles ] Good morning! Good morning!

Don't get up. Don't get up.

- I have first-day-rehearsal

presents for everybody.

- How thoughtful.

It's nothing. Just some soap and some

potpourri and incense for you, I think.

- Now, have you met Mr. Woofles?

- No. No.

- Oh, don't pull such a sour face.

- Hello, Mr. Woofles.

Oh, be careful.

She's a Chihuahua...

but there's a pinch of Doberman in her

so sometimes she goes for your throat.

- Just kidding.

- [ Laughs ]

- I think you've met

everyone here. Lorna.

- We talked on the telephone.

I don't know if you've met

our Lieutenant Masters, Warner Purcell.

- Oh, pleased to meet you.

- How was your crossing?

- Well, I came over

five years ago, but it was lovely.

- [ Giggles ]

Now, my darling, do you want

some milk or something to eat?

- I'll get her a saucer.

- You don't have to bother with

that because I breast-feed her.

- Just kidding, everybody.

- [ Laughing ]

- Please.

- Julian, nice to see you.

- How are you?

- Mr. Marx.

- Yes, of course.

I'm in the middle, yes?

- [ David ] Should we take the dog--

- No, no, no, no, no.

It's my baby.

[ Giggles ]

[ David ] Olive Neal entered, naturally,

with the force of a hurricane.

- Hey, you gonna hover

over me like dead meat?

- Mr. V. says I stay close.

We've been drivin'

around for 15 minutes.

I told ya he said the Belasco,

not the Morosco, you cementhead!

- Hello, Olive.

- Hello.

- Everyone, this is Dr. Philips.

Olive Neal.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

- You know Julian.

- Yes.

- My assistant, Lorna.

- Hi.

- Eden Brent, Kristen.

- Ah, cute dog.

- Warner Purcell. Lieutenant Masters.

- Charmed, charmed, charmed.

- Stage manager Mitch.

- Mitch, hi, hi, hi, hi.

- And you are?

- I'm with her.

- He's with me. Yeah.

- Okay. Okay.

Well, um, we're just gonna

rehearse for a while, so--

Yeah.

Where she goes, I go.

All right, buster,

why don't you park yourself in

the back row of the theater...

and try not to snore.

Um, I--

- What?

- I don't like other people

watching rehearsals...

- generally as a rule because

the actors are very sensitive.

- What'd you say?

- I-I don't like--

- Hey, hey, who are you? Who are you?

- Whoa, whoa. Easy.

- I'm the director.

- Who is this?

- Wait a minute.

- I'm the director of the play.

- Wait a minute, Mr., uh--

- Cheech. The name's Cheech.

- Mr. Cheech, first of all--

- No, not Mr. Cheech. Ya hear me?

- Yeah.

- Cheech. Simple. Cheech.

- Cheech.

Now, why don't you just take a seat

in the back and we'll-- Yeah, go ahead.

- That's it.

- I find this very problematic.

- I'll be over there.

- He'll be unobtrusive, believe me.

He's not gonna bother anybody.

He just wants to watch.

He's my bodyguard.

[ Giggles ]

- Hi.

- Hello.

- Sorry I'm late.

I'm usually highly professional.

- Oh, I'm sure.

- This is for you.

- Oh, talcum powder. My favorite.

- Thank you. You're a doll.

- Oh, no, you're a doll.

[ David ] Helen Sinclair came a half

hour late, but she had a good excuse.

Please forgive me.

My pedicurist had a stroke.

She fell forward onto the orange stick

and plunged it into my toe.

- It required bandaging.

- Oh, my poor darling.

Oh, it's so good

to see you.

- We all know and admire Helen Sinclair.

- [ Warner ] We're old friends.

- Thank you so much.

- Miss Sinclair, this is Mitch.

Oh, yes, yes. Oh, my goodness' sake.

I can't believe I'm here.

Oh-ho, look at this.

Look at this. Would you look?

Oh, this old theater.

This church.

So replete

with memories.

So full of ghosts.

Mrs. Alving.

Uncle Vanya.

There's Cordelia.

Here's Ophelia.

Clytemenstra!

Each performance

a birth.

Each curtain...

a death.

[ Mr. Woofles Barking ]

Was that a mutt?

[ Mitch ]

Yes, Miss Sinclair.

- I hate mutts!

- [ Barking Continues ]

[ David ] I didn't want to overwhelm

any of the actors on the first day...

so all we did

was read through the play.

I can't live

like this.

The same routine

over and over and over.

The days blend together

like melted celluloid.

Like a film whose images

become distorted and meaningless.

I want a divorce, Sylvia. I've said it

in a thousand subtle ways...

hoping you would realize,

but you refuse to see it.

As a little girl,

I swore one day...

I would have a necklace

made from the Milky Way.

Oh, Kristen, Kristen, if only humans

weren't cursed with the power of memory.

[ Olive Reading Flatly ]

Dreams are only disguised feelings.

The more we bring these

painful experiences to the fore...

the easier they become

to deal with.

- What's the "fore"?

- The fore. The foreground.

- [ Warner ] Is it-- Could I?

- [ David ] Please.

It's a golf term, when you yell, "fore"

when you're coming forward.

- [ Helen ] I didn't realize that.

- So you're telling me

she's talking about golf?

- Continue!

- What?

[ Helen ]

Oh, yes, okay. Doctor...

am I unattractive,

worn out?

Spent? Broken?

Desiccated? Old?

[ Olive ] Come, come, Mrs. Poston.

You're being mas--

- Mas--

- [ David ] Masochistic.

- Masochistic?

- Yes, masochism is someone

who enjoys pain.

- [ Warner ] As opposed to sadism.

- Enjoys pain?

What is she,

retarded?

- I don't f***in' believe this!

- Continue.

[ David ] After the rehearsal,

I felt exhilarated.

Helen Sinclair suggested

we go for a drink to unwind.

She said she knew

of a little out-of-the-way

speakeasy where we could talk.

- It was wonderful to see old, uh--

- Wasn't it?

- Warner. Yes.

- Warner, yeah. He looks so slim.

- He's on a new diet.

- Who is she? Oh, I need a drink.

Olive. [ Chuckles ]

Yes. I'm sorry about Olive.

I do apologize.

We needed her to raise the money.

It must be difficult

getting a work like this on.

It's a sad reality

of the marketplace, I'll tell ya.

- We've never really

had a chance to talk.

- No.

- Hi, folks. What can I get you?

- Two martinis, please, very dry.

- How'd you know what I drank?

- Oh, you want one too?

- Three.

- Three martinis.

Uh, I can't judge my own writing,

but I must say...

that just from today's reading,

I can tell how brilliant

you're going to be in this role.

- It's a wonderful play.

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