Buzzard Page #6

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Oh. Uh, shovvefis fine.

For one night?

Yeah, one nighfs good.

All right.

Hang on to this key.

I dorft have a, uh, replacement.

- And if you lose it, you're gonna be out all night.

- Gotcha.

Okay. All right.

Your room is the last one on the left.

Excuse me.

- Hi. May I help you?

- Yeah. Just, uh-

I need a copy of this key made.

Hold on. Hold on.

We don't do hotel keys.

No, no, no, ifs not.

It sure look like a hotel key to me.

It's not.

it's just a- it's just a house key.

All right. Don't want no trouble.

No, seriously.

All right. A buck, 10.

You guys cash checks here?

Hell, nah. Read the sign.

N'

N'

N'

Oh, Je-

- Morning.

- Hey.

- Checking out?

- I'm checking out.

Key. Thank you.

Hey. Did anyone come

looking for me last night?

Excuse me?

Did anyone come, like, looking for me?

- Are you in trouble?

- No.

I certainly hope not.

We pride ourselves on our customers

abiding by the law...

- and following our very simple rules.

- Oh, yeah?

Like that chick outside my Window yelling

that song at the top of her lungs all night?

I have no idea What you're talking about.

We take hospitality very seriously here.

Whatever, man.

No one else.

Well, maybe we can

pick up where we lefi off.?

What the f***?

Sh*t.

- Hey. I-low you doing?

- Who the f*** are you'?

- Hey. Don't worry about it. I'm out of here.

- Larry!

Well, who are you? Larry!

You don't have to call anybody. I'm leaving

right now. I'm just gonna grab my stuff.

- Larry!

- You dorft have to call anybody.

- I'm taking off.

- Larry, get in here!

- No, really, seriously, I'm out the door.

- He was asleep.

- Hey, Larry.

- Just laying there.

- Hovv'd you get in here?

- Door was open.

No, that is not true.

it was locked all night.

Call the oops.

Tell them we have an intruder.

No, clon't. Don't call the oops.

- It's not necessary.

- Call the cops.

- Call the cops.

- No, you dorft have to call anybody-

Sit the f*** down!

Call the cops.

- Seriously, hang up the phone.

- Shut up.

Look at me.

You're that weasel

who was here two nights ago.

Call them.

Tell them we got an intruder...

- who broke into the room.

- Don't call them.

- Call the cops.

- Hang it up.

- Shut up. Call the cops!

- Hang up the phone.

- Call-

- Hang up the phone!

Hang up the phone.

No problems. Just go.

Hi. Uh-

The- There's something that's just a little

funny about this Egg MoMuffin.

Okay, I can get you a fresh one.

There you go. Sorry about that.

And, uh, you dorft have like a little pair,

like, scissors, do you?

- Hi.

- Hey.

Payday loan?

No, actually, just, uh, cash some checks.

Well, do you have your form ready then?

My form?

Right. Uh, no.

Take this. Fill it out.

Bring it back up. And have an ID ready.

Your ID?

These checks arerft in your name.

Well, yeah, they were sign-

I signed them over to me.

- You What?

- I mean-

They've been signed over to me.

Uh- Just-

That's not a big deal, right?

it's a normal thing.

Just hang on one minute. I'll- I'll be right

back. Just give me one minute.

If ifs a problem,

I dorft need 'em cashed right now. You-

Uh, can you come back here

for just a second?

Sure.

Good. Figure out hovv to get you your money.

Right through there.

L- low's it going?

All right.

So ifs Martin- Uh, vvhafs the-

Hovv do you say your last name?

- Jackitansky.

- Jackitansky.

Right. ifs Polish.

No.

- You sure ifs not Polish?

- Yeah.

I'm Kovvalczyk,

and that's Polish. That's why I was asking.

Hmm.

I'm being rude.

I never really introduced myself.

Um, I'm Craig Kovvalczyk,

and this is my place.

- L-low you doing?

- All right.

So, What do you do for a living, Martin?

L, uh- I vvork at Walmart.

I love that place.

What do you do there?

I'm a night stocker.

Night "stalker"?

I stack shelves at night.

Oh, right.

L- I heard something else, but-

Of course that makes Way more sense.

Which one do you vvork at?

I dorft know. The big one.

The big one. Uh- The big one that's like

right off the highway?

They're all the same, dude.

Look, What is up here?

You're gonna cash these checks or What?

Are you in a hurry'?

Do you have work tonight?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- What time- What time you got to Work?

- Like, in 10 minutes.

Shoot.

Probably have to call 'em.

I dorft Want you to get in trouble...

but we got to get this all sorted out.

How- I don't even care anymore.

L- Really, just-

I'll cash 'em later. it's not a big deal.

It shouldrft take her too much longer.

We got to Wait for someone else to get here.

- Who?

- I had to call someone else in.

- You know, protocol.

- Who'?

Who? it's just protocol.

You got to do things in a certain order...

and so vve got to Wait

for this other guy to get here.

What is this protocol, man?

You're not even making any sense.

- What is this?

- All right, uh-

You Want me to come direct, Martin?

You got, uh- You got five checks here.

None of 'em are in your name.

- No, they're all signed over to me.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I see that

they've been signed over to you.

I get that.

In my business,

this is Whats called a "red flag. "

First off, we clon't cash checks

that are signed over like that.

"Red flag. " Is that a, uh, technical term?

You're trying to be an a**hole?

'Cause I'm trying to be cool.

Novv, anytime someone comes in here

with something like this...

I'm trained to call the authorities.

Authorities? Well, vvhds that?

Who do you think it is, Martin?

I'm trained to call the police.

You called the cops?

We take this very seriously, Martin...

because ifs very rare that someone

would have five of these...

made out to them in this Way.

I'm not accusing you of anything.

L- I'm just trying to make sure you know

exactly vvhafs going on here.

Okay? Yeah, I called the police.

They're gonna come in.

They're gonna ask you some questions...

make sure everything checks out, all right?

It shouldrft be too big of a deal.

You seriously called the cops?

It's not a big deal, Martin.

- Yeah.

- Unless you're trying to commit a crime.

I hope that's not What this is.

Geez, man, I mean- But I've seen it all.

Yeah. I've seen people

snatched up by the police...

for some stupid-ass $200 scam.

But, man, you've only got

$90 worth of checks here.

So thafd be pretty dumb.

I mean, if you know What I mean.

Man, you're the one that's doing Wrong here.

What are you talking about?

This whole business is a crime.

Well, you know, we can ask the officers if

they agree with you when they get here.

Just give me my ID back, dude.

Uh, I clon't-

I clon't work like that, Martin.

You got to realize that you'd be facing

more than forgery here.

Okay, this could be Way Worse.

I Want my ID back.

You need to take a deep breath,

and you need to settle down...

and vve're gonna Wait this sh*t out together.

You- You're an a**hole, man.

I'm sorry. What?

You're sh*t. Everything you do is sh*t.

This whole corporate thievery.

It's-

This is wrong. You know that?

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