Caddyshack II Page #2

Look at the names of their kids.

You ever hear their names?

This and this Junior and The First.

The Second, The Third,

The Fifth, The Sixth.

They're brilliant! They can't even

think of a name for a kid.

It's not fair to condemn them

because they have roots.

They got roots like an oak tree. We

got roots. We got roots like a radish.

I don't want to be a radish all my life.

So, please, Pop, just try.

- Kate!

- Hi!

Hi.

Er, Daddy,

I'd like you to meet my friend Miffy.

Miffy? Miffy, that's a cute name.

I knew a girl in school once,

we called her Muffy.

Probably for different reasons.

She was an ugly girl. She had a

coming-out party, they made her go back.

They made her...

Well, shall we go?

Todd's waiting on the patio with

a scrumptious junk bonds salesman.

- Good luck, Daddy.

- Good luck. Have a good time.

- Bye.

- Goodbye, girls.

Kate, I am so sorry. I had no idea

what you were going through at home.

- What do you mean?

- Well, I mean your father.

- My father?

- He isn't your real father, is he?

I'll get that for you, sir.

- Are you expected?

- Why, does it show?

You look like a sick man.

I don't want to give you any problems.

I'm looking for Ty Webb.

The room that time forgot.

Mr Webb, your guest.

- Jack!

- I see you're working hard, as usual.

You know how it is. Managing

a large inheritance is a full-time job.

The lawyers and accountants

send me a lot of things.

Got to sign things. A lot of work for

a measly couple of million bucks a year.

I was born with a wooden spoon

in my mouth.

Hm. Must have been hard on your mother.

How's business?

Still building those apartments?

Yeah, yeah,

mostly middle and low-income housing.

No money in it,

but I sleep well at night.

That's interesting.

I sleep well during the daytime.

Where, in a cat box?

You look terrible.

I got it.

There you are.

Who built this thing anyway?

I'll be right with you, Jack.

You know me, I believe a healthy life

needs a balance between work and play.

Give and take. In and out. Yin and Yang.

I heard you get more Yang

than you can handle.

- Hey, Ty, you're looking well.

- Hey, nice to see you, Vinny.

- Er, Ted.

- Whatever.

What you going to do

with all those hearts?

Ty! Damn!

Seven of diamonds.

Keep that queen of spades.

- Have a seat.

- Sure.

- He's ruined the entire hand.

- So you want to join Bushwood?

It's for my daughter's sake.

Me, I couldn't care less.

This place is what the world would have

looked like if the Germans had won.

Well, lucky for us, the Japanese won.

I guess I should introduce you

to some of the members.

- Do you have to?

- Take it easy, Jack.

You just relax.

The important thing is to be yourself.

And of course, lose the accent.

What accent?

Jack Hartounian, I'd like you to meet

some of the oldest members.

- Mr Foreskin.

- Forrester.

Forrester. And Mr Crabs.

And Mr Wrinkle.

- That's Winkler.

- Winkler. And Mr er...

- Or is it Mrs?

- Jamison.

Jamison, that's right. Mrs Jamison.

- Oh, there you are, Ty.

- Hello, Chandler.

- I was looking for...

- PoliGrip?

- No, no...

- Condom machine?

- No.

- That blue stuff you put your combs in?

I was looking for a Mr Hartounian.

Hartounian? In this club?

Oh, you mean Jack? Here he is.

- Hello.

- How do you do?

- I'm Miffy's father. Chandler Young.

- Chandler Young?

I'm at a disadvantage.

I only have one last name.

And quite an interesting

last name it is.

- Hartounian?

- What is your background?

My background? My father was Armenian.

My mother was half Jewish,

half English, half Spanish.

- That's three halves.

- Oh, she was a big woman.

I thought you should meet Chandler.

He's the club president.

You can play golf with him.

If that goes well, a cocktail or two,

and er, maybe some light petting later.

I'll leave that up to you, Chandler.

Well, I got a thing.

He's a little strange.

Elizabeth.

- Oh.

- Jack, this is Elizabeth Pearce.

Hi, Jack. I sure like your suit.

Thank you.

You're a real nice-looking person.

- Thank you.

- I'll come back when you're dressed.

That's all right. I was just going to

get dressed. Real pleased to meet you.

Wait a minute.

Look what I did. I'm sorry.

It's OK.

Oh, is that where that goes? Most women

put that in a different location.

I don't need any there.

I've asked Elizabeth and my wife

to join us to make it a foursome.

I wouldn't mind if it's a foursome,

or two twosomes, or four onesomes.

And this is my wife. Cynthia.

Oh, oh. Hello, hello.

Hello.

Oh, no, absolutely not.

It's out of the question.

I refuse to play golf with this man.

Then I take it you've met?

This is the man who is trying

to destroy our community.

It was just a little disagreement

the other day.

Little?!

He tried to run me over

with a steam roller.

What steam roller?

Bulldozer. It was a bulldozer.

I really have to apologise to you. I was

wrong. I'm terribly, terribly sorry.

Darling, a word.

Excuse us for a moment.

Jack, let's get our clubs.

- Let's not make a scene.

- The man tried to kill me.

I'm sure he had his reasons.

The fact is he's here.

- I promised Miffy we'd play.

- It's funny running into Mrs Young.

I bet the first time was funnier.

Sorry I missed that.

Besides, this is an opportunity

for you to save the Armstrong Estate.

You can catch more flies with honey.

Mm.

I'm not going to run some

heavy equipment into a girl like you.

How sweet.

- Yeah?

- Yes.

So, everybody happy now?

- This should be fun, don't you think?

- I don't see how.

You're the guest.

You have the honour.

I'm only here 15 minutes and already

they want to give me honours.

I must be making a good impression.

You are, Jack. That means

they want you to tee off. Good luck.

Oh. Here goes.

Well, this'll be it.

Here we go.

Now!

Interesting club.

What would you call that?

It's a twelve-gauge.

Twelve-gauge.

Out of ammunition, Mr Hartounian?

A friend of mine at NASA sent me this.

I'm surprised

that you bother coming out at all.

Surely you could develop a gadget that

would allow you to sit in the club house

and punch buttons all day.

I got a friend working on that, too.

Doesn't that take

some of the sport out of it?

Not at all. Things could go wrong.

Batteries could go low, get static.

Anything could happen. Sometimes

the signal interferes with a pacemaker.

Edward! Edward!

Edward, are you all right?

- Bingo!

- Bango!

I feel all right now.

Must have been that chilidog.

He wants to become a member of Bushwood.

Can you imagine that?

With him around I can imagine anything.

So er... what would you say on my

chances of becoming a member here?

Well, thatjust may depend on you, Jack.

This is a lovely neighbourhood.

People hate to see it mucked up

with cheap apartments.

I can't tell you your business,

but you know what they say.

One hand washes the other.

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

You wouldn't want to disappoint

your daughter, would you?

- There's Daddy.

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