Caddyshack II Page #3

- Oh, hi.

- I certainly wouldn't.

- Why don't we get you an application?

Leave the real-estate business

to the lawyers.

If you want to leave it to the lawyers,

we'll leave it to them.

But remember, it was your idea.

I didn't go to one of those big, fancy

law schools like you did, Mr Pierpont.

So you're going to have

to explain something to me.

How in the world do you expect

Mr Hartounian to voluntarily

stop building on that site

and move this entire housing project

somewhere else?

I don't see it.

Because, sir, he'll have no choice.

Let me explain how the legal system

really works.

OK.

You see, Mr Blunt, if your client

doesn't voluntarily cease and desist

we'll be forced to go through the long

and very costly process of injunctions,

law suits, motions, counter motions,

hearings, appeals...

Which will cost you so much

in legal fees and construction delays

you'll wish you'd never heard

of the Historical Preservation Society.

Because there's no way in hell we'd let

you come barging into Bushwood Estates

and throw up a lot of cheap housing

for blue-collar trash.

Which one of you

is Chandler Young's son?

I am.

You've certainly made it clear how

your legal system works, Mr Young.

Now I'd like to explain a little bit

about the Peter Blunt system.

You see... I don't go in

for... law suits and motions

or any of that legal stuff.

No, no, see what happens is

I find out where you live

and then I come to your house, see,

and I... beat down your door

with a f***in' baseball bat!

And then I'm gonna make a bonfire

with the Chippendale,

maybe roast that golden retriever,

then eat it!

Then I'm coming upstairs, junior,

and I'm gonna grab you

by your Brooks Brothers PJs

and I'm gonna take your brand-new BMW

and cram it up your tight ass!

Do we have an understanding?

- So, Martha, is he in?

- He's in a meeting.

Now get the hell outta here before

I really get mad and hurt somebody.

- I tried to sweet talk them.

- So I heard.

I don't think they went for it. We're

not allowed to build on Bushwood Estates

until we get

the planning commission ruling.

- We have to have a hearing.

- A hearing?

Do me a favour, don't try to sweet talk

the planning commission, OK?

Jack, have a little faith

in your lawyer.

Faith in a lawyer.

- That was great, Daddy.

- It really was, Mr Young.

Thanks, Kate. he's coming along nicely.

Jumping a fine horse is a special blend

of strength, courage and grace.

It's a beautiful thing to watch

when it's done right.

Slow down. Slow down.

- Elizabeth, where's the brake?

- Next to the clutch.

Slow down. Easy, easy.

Son of a b*tch! You go this fast again,

I'll send you back to the beer truck.

Whoa! Dog Food!

Daddy. What are you doing here?

I asked him.

Oh, Kate, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth, my daughter Kate.

Oh, Kate, I'm so happy to meet you.

Hello. I can't believe

I'm seeing you on a horse.

He tells me he's been around

horses for years?

Betting on them, not riding them.

You want me to be a gentleman.

They ride.

- Not like that they don't.

- Quite an entrance, Jack.

For a moment, I was afraid

you might fall and break your neck.

Or your arm. Maybe strike your head

against a fence post.

Maybe be dragged several miles

over rough terrain.

Sweet of you to be concerned. So you're

not troubled by our lawyers' meeting.

No, not at all.

Care to take a few jumps?

I don't think he's quite ready

forjumping yet, do you?

Nonsense. Nothing to it.

Hold on tight, grip with your knees.

Let the animal do all the work.

Sounds like my wedding night.

Your horse has quite a gas problem.

It's not the horse.

- Raise all the jumps.

- Yes, sir.

I mean this is crazy.

He could really get hurt.

Almost definitely, I'd say.

Stay behind me and do exactly as I do.

Go!

Ha!

Yee-ho!

A little higher next time. Higher!

You may want to urge him

a little more, Jack.

Come on.

Up, Prince.

This time, Dog Food, over it. Over it!

One more set ofjumps, Jack.

We'll make it an easy.

Having fun yet, Jack?

- Good evening, miss.

- Good evening, sir.

Pop. Daddy.

Did you have to wear that tux?

- Why, what's wrong with it?

- It's... blue.

It's notjust blue.

If you look at it this way it's purple.

If you look at it like this it's gold.

Beautiful, huh? Come on, sweetheart.

People here like their tuxedos black.

Sure. And they like their noses red,

their blood blue, their faces white.

Until they hire help and then they want

every face to be black, brown or yellow.

Isn't that amazing?

I'm not a hypocrite enough to go along

with a colour scheme like that.

Look, Pop, I don't expect

you to change all at once.

If you could just

turn down the volume a little.

I'm gonna introduce you to this guy

I really like,

so could you just pretend

you like everyone?

Pretend? I'm Jack Hartounian. I can't

pretend to like people I don't like.

Why are you so impressed

by these fonzanoons?

What's a fonzanoon?

A guy who farts in the bathtub

and bites the bubbles.

Nice. Pop, please don't...

Kate. I'm so glad you could make it.

This is for you.

- Thank you.

- That's a fonzanoon!

This is the person

I was telling you about.

Todd, I'd like you to meet my father,

Jack Hartounian.

- A pleasure, sir.

- Why do you look familiar?

Because I'm suing you, sir.

Nothing personal, of course.

Nothing personal? You think your head

getting busted might be personal?

You think a broken nose

might be personal?

You think your head in a toilet bowl

might be personal?

Have a pig in a blanket.

I love yourjacket.

Doesn't he look nice, Todd?

Kate, it's always a pleasure.

Thank you.

Come with me, Jack. Just over here.

- He's a very funny man.

- Yeah, he's a riot.

Hey, look at this. Chandler.

You want to buy a horse?

Look who's here.

Cynthia.

You must be happy to see me, huh?

Of course.

Hello there. How are you?

What's happening?

Look at this conversation I just had.

It's great. It's the first time in here

that someone else got the cold shoulder.

Do you think I care?

I like to talk to myself. You know why?

I like to deal

with a better class of people.

I like that.

Do you rumba, samba, mambo-schmambo?

- I try to tango.

- That's close enough.

Kate, will you please look at your

father and my cousin dancing out there.

Excuse me.

Ha!

Boy, this is a tough room.

- What are you doing?

- Wow.

I was just practising.

In the dark?

How can you tell where the ball went?

You can't. Which is probably why

you don't see a lot of night golf.

How's the party going?

I see. Was it er... Was it that bad?

Harry... just by looking at me,

would you say that I was lower class,

middle class or upper class?

- You're being serious?

- Yes.

I would say... middle.

Upper maybe. Middle upper.

Definitely.

So what are you? I mean, at home,

when you're not doing the caddy thing?

Well, at home we happen to be

upper lower.

But when I'm away at school

I like to pretend I'm lower middle.

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