Caddyshack II Page #4

But what I aspire to become

is middle middle.

You're obsessed with class, aren't you?

I just want to fit in.

But around here it's so important

that you look a certain way,

you have the right friends

and join the right sorority.

Come on, Kate.

Joining the right sorority...

It's not important.

- You know who you remind me of?

- Who?

- My father.

- Guess that's better than your mother.

Attention, everyone!

It's time for our little slave auction.

Remember, it's all for charity,

so let's see if we can break

last year's record of $4,500.

Break out your chequebooks

and think Mandlngo

while I read the list

of this year's willing slaves.

What is this all about?

It's a game they play

when they feel guilty about being rich.

They auction off

the judge or chairperson,

and you buy them, take them home and

they sweep your floor, clean your garage

and afterwards you give them lunch

and a martini and it's very civilised.

Civilised. How do you do?

Nice to see you.

Jack. I'd like to have a word with you.

Hey, Chandler, how are you?

Mr Club President, how you been?

I'm having

the time of my life here.

- Everything is lovely, wonderful.

- Yes, it is. Here's the thing.

My wife and I spoke

to several of our members.

We feel that after tonight

it might be better if you

didn't visit the club for a while.

- What do you mean "for a while"?

- Ever, actually.

We just don't feel

you're Bushwood material.

The messy apartment business,

the attempt on Cynthia's life.

You understand, I'm sure.

I understand.

Good.

Our first society slave going up

for bids is the charming Cynthia Young.

So I thought we'd start the bidding

at erm... $50. Do I hear 50?

- $50.

- $100.

- 200.

- 250.

- 300.

- Do I hear 325?

- Very well, going once at 300.

- Come on.

- Going twice.

- 325.

- I thought he'd left.

- 325 is bid.

Do I hear 350?

Please!

- Daddy.

- Don't worry. 350!

400!

- 450!

- 500!

Finish him, Chandler.

510!

A thousand bucks!

I have a thousand dollars.

Do I hear more?

- Daddy.

- Very well, going once.

- Father, bid!

- Going twice.

- Chandler!

- What's he waiting for?

Please!

Well...

- Sold! $1,000 to Mr Hartounian.

- Why?

Ha.

- Do you want a tip?

- I want a tip.

Bend from the hip sockets.

If you can see your zipper...

you're screwed.

Hip sockets? OK.

Here?

- No.

- Here.

- Here.

- Here?

- No, here. Yeah.

- Oh.

- That's good.

- Kate!

What is it you're doing out here?

- I'm just hitting some golf balls.

- Want to hit some?

- It's all in the hips.

- Oh, sure.

In my tuxedo,

without my glove or my spikes?

Aren't you an employee, and isn't

there some rule about how close

you're allowed to stand

to members and guests?

Yeah, I think it's 3.5 feet,

but only during working hours.

And if my memory serves, wise ass,

didn't I already fire you?

Yes, you did,

which is probably why I'm not working.

Kate, would you like to go back inside?

Actually, I think I might

go home from here.

Great idea. I'll drop you, and we can

stop at Bonny's. She's having a party.

Do you want to?

OK.

Thanks.

Thank you.

See you around.

Not around here, she won't.

$1,100 going once.

Someone, please.

Going twice!

Sold, Mr Chandler Young for $1,100

once again to Mr Hartounian,

who has so graciously purchased

all of our society slaves tonight

for a grand total of $11,950.

I do hope you'll be able to find enough

little chores to keep us all busy.

I'll think of something.

Come on, guys, let's go!

We've got a lot of work to do.

I really hate this. Easy.

Oh, Jamison!

Hey, stupid, get out of there!

What are you, nuts?

- This is an outrage!

- Tell me about it.

I asked for labourers.

A labourer's a guy with big arms.

Bad teeth.

Just broke up with a waitress.

Hey, you're doin' a fine job.

Listen, a couple of us are going bowling

after work, suck down a couple of beers.

- Wanna come with us?

- Suck down a couple of beers.

Fine. Oh, excuse me... sir.

Hey, Jack, let me ask you a question.

How much did you pay for these people?

$11,900.

Well, you got burned. That old broad

can't carry lumber for sh*t.

All right, Hartounian,

you've had your fun.

What are you trying to prove with this?

I'm not trying to prove anything.

I want you and your friends to see

that people work hard for a living.

Don't tell me about hard work, mister.

I've cut more firewood

than you'll ever see.

It'll take more than you got

to break Chandler Young.

Chandler!

Chandler!

Chandler!

Hey, where's she goin'?

It's not even lunch time yet.

Chandler!

- All in favour?

- Aye!

Opposed?

Then it's settled.

Jack Hartounian's finished in this city.

- PP, you handle the IRS.

- Uh-huh.

Contact the police, fire and utilities.

OK.

PM, go to work on his suppliers

and subcontractors.

Excuse me, gentlemen, but aren't we

being a little childish about this?

Is punishing this boob

really worth all this time and effort?

- Mm-hm.

- Yes. I think so.

Definitely. I'll tell you this.

He'll wish he never set foot

in this club.

Hard to say, huh?

How long do you think it'll be

before you get our power turned back on?

- What?

- Hard to say. I see.

Well, is it as hard to say as

"Oh, God, help me, there's a man

in my office with a flamethrower"?

- What's going on here?

- We got a problem.

We got no cement, no lumber,

no steel, no nothing.

The building inspector

just pulled our permits.

- Where is the electricity?

- I'm working on it.

- There's a conspiracy.

- What are you telling me?

If you don't back off Bushwood Estates

they'll put us out of business.

That's what they think!

- Hi.

- Jack. Hi. Down here, reading.

Listen, I want to buy

Bushwood Country Club.

I made up my mind. I got to get even

with these sons of b*tches.

Hold on a minute, Jack. Calm down.

- You want to buy Bushwood from me?

- That's right. That's right.

Well, let me ask you this. Do I own it?

I checked it out.

You own 53 per cent of the stock.

53 per cent?

Ah, good old Dad.

No flies on him.

Very few on Mom as I recall.

Mom and Dad.

Well, they're gone now.

- They passed away?

- No, no, Palm Beach.

Wait a minute.

I'm sorry, I think they are dead.

Listen, I want to talk business.

All right, let's talk

over a game of golf.

- But you don't play golf anymore.

- I still play.

Just not outdoors. I finally got it down

to the absolute basic essentials.

Club... ball... and swing.

The rest is just walking round the park

wearing funny pants.

Is it safe to hit a ball in here?

Of course. It's a ballroom.

- Want a lift?

- Why not?

There's a tough dogleg

to the right up here.

- So do you want to sell, or what?

- Why are you so upset?

Because they insulted me.

First they shut down my building sites.

Then they cut off my power and phones.

- Pulled all my permits...

- Ouch!

Let's look at it

from their point of view.

OK?

I can't wait. I need an answer today.

Take it easy, Jack.

We're gonna have to negotiate.

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