Cadillac Man Page #2

Three, maybe, huh?

Two. Ain't gonna

buy out that easy.

Three! You big man.

You need to eat a lot.

What, are you

working on commission?

I mean, you'd sell

the soles off your feet.

You shut up.

You no mess with me, OK?

You have any cat today?

No more. Finish,

but this is special for you.

This monkey brain.

Helen, that's not

the monkey's brain.

Look at that. That's

a different part of the monkey.

Stop playing with it.

Now, eat it.

This... the bear's balls.

You shut up. Eat.

Honey. Do it again.

And then he got a car.

You boys talking dirty again?

Mrs. Turgeon wants

you to call her, now.

Wife calls, crack the balls.

Hey, that's my mother, Benny.

You guys want me

to keep treating lunch...

just remember,

you have to sell...

every damn car

on my lot tomorrow...

because if I'm not making,

you're not making.

So let's hear

the company motto.

Nobody gets out alive!

How the hell am I gonna sell

twelve cars by tomorrow?

Twelve cars in one day?

That's impossible.

I don't know.

Maybe it can be done.

Maybe I'm the guy to do it.

What am I doing?

Instead of selling,

I'm going shopping with Joy.

I'm a sick man.

God, why? 'Cause I can't

say no to a woman.

I love 'em.

I got to make them happy.

If they're happy,

I can be happy.

It's not fair that my life

should hang in the balance.

I mean, I've gotta know.

I am not divorcing Harry...

until I know I'll

be taken care of.

I mean, am I wrong?

If I'm wrong, tell me.

- You're wrong.

- Nice piece, isn't it?

- Lovely.

- Gorgeous.

One of my favorites.

Came in on an estate sale.

French art glass,

Gall. Mid-19th century.

Would you like me to price it?

Would you, please?

What's it going to be?

Look what you're buying here.

I'll never be able to do

for you what Harry can.

- I don't have his money.

- What are you saying?

Listen, I've got

family responsibilities.

My mother, a daughter

going to college soon.

You know, you insult me.

I'm not talking about

financial support, you putz!

I'm talking emotional support!

Emotional.

Can you afford that?

- You like this?

- I like you.

- Do you want it?

- I want you!

So you're saying

someone died...

and you got

this baby real cheap.

You mind showing us the invoice?

I see a lot of

art hanging around...

with what we like

to call dust on it.

You don't make money if you

don't move the inventory.

May I have a moment with you?

You're a salesman first and

then everything else second.

I've got to sell some cars.

Honey, it's just

very embarrassing.

Why is it necessary for you

to try and sell the man a car?

What are you pissed about?

I saved you a grand.

It's not that.

What are you doing?

I thought you quit smoking.

Have a piece of gum instead.

Why do you hate

Harry so much for?

You want to throw

his money away?

I don't hate Harry!

Can I help it if he loves

when I spend his money?

Come on!

I don't make that kind of money.

I know you don't. I'm not

asking you to marry me.

I'm just saying...

shut up!

I will not share you

with other women...

and that includes Tina.

It's green!

What are you

talking about, Tina?

We're divorced.

You know that.

- You still sleep with her.

- I do not sleep with her.

I see her. I have

a daughter with her.

I have to see her

to see my daughter.

If I don't see her,

some other schlub sees her...

and I don't get to see

my daughter at all.

Joy, I hear what you're saying.

I know what you want.

Honey. So let's call Harry and

we'll just get it over with.

There's a pay phone...

Jesus Christ.

I gotta get to work.

I'm gonna lose my goddamn job...

if I don't... what's

your problem?!

Honey, honey!

You get the dog excited.

I didn't mean to.

I'm sorry, darling.

You didn't bond with him.

I'll bond with him very soon.

- Hey, sweetie.

- Darling.

- Baby.

- Moments.

Joey, what are you doing?

It's OK, Mario.

It's my car.

Key. Sorry about that.

Put the cigarette out.

Tony's trying to quit.

Yeah. These things

will kill you.

Oh, God, am I late. I hope

Tony will still see me.

Some people late to see Tony...

end up late

for their own funeral.

Wait, Carmine will bail me out.

Good old Carmine...

Tony's number one man.

Come in, Joey.

- Where's Carmine?

- Hunting accident.

Wait here.

I'll take those.

- There you go, Joey.

- Thanks, Tony.

All right. Let's get

down to business.

What's on your mind?

I was wondering if you

or any of the boys...

are looking for a new car...

because we're having

a sale on Sunday, Ton.

You're having a sale?

Is that what you

came here for, Joey?

I'll tell you what,

I'll pass the word along.

That'd be nice.

You didn't come here

looking for money?

Joey, please, no more money.

Hey, Tony, I'm not asking.

Listen, we go back...

but I am not

your personal banker.

Tony, you've been great to me.

Thank you. Really.

God bless you.

You know, other guys out 20 Gs...

other guys I fix.

Listen to me

and listen carefully.

Don't make me wait too long.

I won't, no.

Don't make me wait too long.

Drink up.

Come here. Salute.

Take it from me, Joey.

As much fun as women are...

they are not won'th

ruining your life over.

Thanks for spreading the word

about the sale.

Not a problem.

Thanks for getting

my kid that weekend job.

Frankie, that lazy sh*t.

Did you see...

that f***ing tattoo

he has on his arm?

Thinks he's gonna be

a rock 'r roll star.

Sometimes I think

he's gonna be a fruit.

Hey, I'll see you.

- We go back, Ton.

- We go back, Joey.

OK, Joey, here are the rules.

No wisecracks, no arguments...

and definitely no fighting

with the wife... ex-wife.

Remember the alimony?

Hey, my paint job's

still holding up.

I get in there, I get her

back in that good mood...

like I used to...

then I take care

of business... car business.

Wait a minute.

Maybe she's seeing somebody.

Why not?

She's a good-looking woman.

Who wouldn't be

attracted to her?

Stayir

Stayir alive

Stayir alive

Ah, ah, ah, ah...

Staying alive

Alive

You're looking good, Tina.

You don't do that, Joey, coming

in here without calling...

without even ringing

the damn bell.

You don't live here, you know.

I just paid for it.

That doesn't

give you the right...

to come in here,

especially when I'm not home.

I don't do that.

Get off it.

I know your smell.

We were married for 11 years.

Get out of my mail.

Excuse me.

What's this, huh?

It's food.

It's vitamins.

These are chemicals.

Lisa needs real food to grow...

- not plant fertilizer.

- She's grown.

Anyway, I cook for her,

she's never here to eat it.

Where the hell is she?

She's 15, that's where she is.

She thinks she's

her own boss...

thinks she doesn't have

to go to school anymore.

What, she's ditching?

You should tell me this stuff.

It's her new friends.

That's what I think.

What kind of friends she got?

Do you know from these friends?

Yeah, some of them.

What, she into drugs,

something like that?

- She needs a father!

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