Caffeine Page #6

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Don't you think

you've done enough?

You can't blame me

for this.

I kept that

secret for years.

I never told her.

You've known

about this for years,

and you never told me?

It's not my place.

So, what is this?

Some weird, perverted

fantasy game you play

where you both dress up

in my clothes and dance

around the house?

Hang on a minute.

I've got nothing

to do with him.

That's right.

John prefers wanking off

in front of girls.

That is a vicious lie.

What are you

talking about?

John hangs around and waits

for little girls and then

he gets his cock out.

It's not true.

My cock was already out

and the girl came along.

Shut up,

both of you!

Let me just get this

clear, David.

Basically, since we've

been living together,

you've been waiting for me

to go out so you can sneak

through my drawers

and prance around

in my bra and knickers?

I don't prance around at all.

I just put the stuff on.

There's no prancing involved.

So, what do you do?

J ust sit around

in my clothes?

I just watch the telly

or do the ironing

or the vacuuming.

Vacuuming?

And you,

you need special help.

You do know that, don't you?

Look, don't you think

you should be a little

more focused on him?

He's the one

you're about to marry.

Angela?

Don't you think

you should've told me this

before we got engaged?

What the hell

are my parents gonna say?

Oh, you don't have

to tell your parents.

What is this thing?

No, it's nothing.

It's nothing.

What the...

Oh, you sick bastards.

Angela, please, calm down.

Let's not blow this

out of proportion.

Got the wedding

in a week.

Angela!

Angel...

Would you like

to order something

from the menu?

Look, will you just

please f*** off?

What's the matter

with you?

[Voice cracking]

I asked a customer

what he wanted from the menu

and he told me to f*** off.

I've had enough.

I'm going home.

You can't go home.

I'm sorry.

I can't handle it anymore.

You have to stay.

Nobody else is doing any work.

I'm lumbered with everything

in my head.

You can sack me

if you like. I don't care.

I need you here!

You'll manage.

You don't understand.

I didn't wanna

tell you this.

I'm in line for a job.

The Marion.

And the owner's

coming here today

to check this place out.

You're leaving?

This job would be

huge for me, Tom.

And I'm so close.

I can't stay here forever.

When's he coming?

Any minute now.

Thank you, Tom.

I'm gonna go an check

if he hasn't arrived, yet.

[Whispering]

That's okay.

You know, I was never

really sure about you

and Angela, anyway.

Making it in the long run

with a marriage and everything.

But look

on the bright side.

Sure there are plenty

of women out that are

into that sort of thing.

Hello, again.

Oh, hello.

Look, I know we

didn't really hit off

all that well.

We both know

why we came here today,

don't we, eh?

Do we?

I'm a man,

and you're a woman.

And I reckon you probably get

a bit lonely at night,

don't you?

You must be, what?

Thirty? Still single?

I'm 27.

Exactly. Well,

near enough, anyway.

What I'm trying to say

is, uh, if you want to,

we could just go back

to my place and...

My God,

you're serious.

What's the worst

that can happen, eh?

I mean, you have a bit

of a crap shag.

You go home,

take a shower.

I n a day or two

you would've forgot

all about it.

But then again,

you just might enjoy it.

I've never had

any complaints.

So, uh,

what do you think, then?

Thanks and everything.

Sounds like

a great opportunity,

but I think

I'm gonna give it a miss.

Really?

I mean, are you sure?

Yeah.

Fair enough, then.

I mean...

Bye.

Okay.

M ike, Laura's getting up.

Didn't even notice me.

That's how insignificant

I am to her now.

Quickly, while she's gone.

Porn girl. Go.

She's just broken up

with her boyfriend!

Exactly, mate.

She's single.

Plus, she's feeling

vulnerable, alone.

Her self-esteem

is at a low ebb.

I've never seen

anything so perfect.

I'm more likely to stab myself

in the eye with this fork

than go over there.

You want Laura to come

back and see you sitting here

like some sort of tern

while she's out

on a hot date?

Yeah, but think about it.

What if she saw you with that?

She wouldn't think

you're so insignificant,

would she?

No.

[Angela retching]

Are you okay?

[Coughs]

Yeah, great.

[Flushes toilet]

Is there anything

I can do?

Well, I just found out that

mi fianc likes to dress up

in my bra and knickers.

What do you suggest?

Oh, no, here she goes,

mate. That's that.

She's looking around

for the waiter.

She's about to leave.

You've got to go now.

Do it I

I will.

Good man.

Go on, then.

Come on, M ichael,

you can do this.

[Clears throat]

Hello.

Hello.

What are you reading?

That's a good book.

Anna Kara...

Karenina.

Have you read it?

No.

I just... me mates,

they all said

it's a good read.

Do you mind if I sit down

just for a sec?

Go on.

I just want to sit

to apologize

for what happened earlier.

Your friend's an idiot.

What sort of a person

does that?

He's not my friend.

I feel sorry for him.

[Whispers]

He's got

learning difficulties.

It's sad, but true.

I'm M ike.

I'm Gloria.

You c*nt.

You evil c*nt!

Pervert!

This man is a deviant.

He gets sexual satisfaction

out of dressing up as a baby

and getting spanked I

Whoa, whoa!

I think you've made

a mistake.

Okay, okay.

What the hell...

What the hell

is going on here?

My husband.

He's a sick man.

He dresses up in a nappy

and pleads with me

to spank him.

He needs to be locked up.

I can assure you

that I've never seen this woman

before in my entire life.

You know, look at her.

She is obviously a nutser.

Surely, could you sit down?

And we can all talk about this

over a cup of tea.

[Shouting]

No, you don't understand!

This man is a pervert!

He needs to be locked upl

He's sick.

He's a sick man I

You're crazy.

I'm gonna go

get your granddaughter.

Stay.

What's going on?

Vanessa's grandmother

tried to take out

one of our customers.

Where is she?

We put her outside.

Outside? You can't

just put her outside.

Excuse me.

Hi, everyone.

I'm the manager here

and I'd like to apologize

for the unfortunate incident

that just took place,

and offer you all

coffee on the house.

Grandmal

You have to believe me.

That woman

is a complete maniac.

I don't know

what she's talking about.

I mean, I've never

even been spanked.

You know,

I certainly wouldn't...

Oh, I'm so sorry.

It was an accident.

I can...

I can help you with this.

You might have to open

your legs a little bit.

What the hell

is going on?

He's some kind of pervert.

H is wife was saying.

Someone should call

the police.

She's not my wife,

for crying out loud.

She was insane!

Couldn't you see that?

What the hell are you doing

with my girlfriend?

I was just...

I was dabbing.

Right.

You little f***,

outside, now.

Mark, just leave it.

You heard me.

Outside, now I

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