California Solo Page #6

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thinks it'll be good

for her, so...

Okay.

Okay, what?

A meeting:
One cup

of coffee.

No promises beyond that.

Right, of course...

of course not.

Two Figs at uh, 12:00?

I'll be there.

Don't be late.

No, I won't be...

F*** me.

Oh, man.

Beau?

Beau?

Beau, I-I'm

sorry, babe, I have to go.

You don't have

any aspirin, do you?

Yeah, just give me one second.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You were a piece

of work last night.

Yeah?

I remember nothing

after a certain point.

My head seems to remember

f***ing everything.

Thanks.

My ex-wife

wants to meet me after all.

That's good news, right?

Well, she's bringing

my daughter with her.

Good.

He's actually really nice.

He's funny...

He's really funny.

Oh, he's right here.

Is that really you?

Hey.

What did you do last night?

Oh, it was a, it was

like an event,

like a tribute.

Yeah, live it up while you can.

Where was it at?

You know, I've

got absolutely no idea,

but it was a wonderful night.

A large coffee, please.

Yeah, me too, thank you.

And could you get me a mimosa?

Cheers.

So...

It's really good to see

you again, Arianwen.

Do you remember me?

I- I've seen some

photos of you and mom together.

Arianwen.

Oh, wee Arianwen.

Lachlan, you know, it's Ari.

What?

Her name.

Mom, it's cool.

No it's not, it's your name.

What's Ari?

Her name... It's Ari.

Well, that's

what everyone calls me.

Arianwen's too complicated.

Nothing wrong

with being complicated.

Well, no one can pronounce it.

Well, it's, you can, you

pronounce it exactly

the way you spell it.

No one can spell it either.

F***, it's a beautiful name.

A beautiful name and she

thought so too

when we chose it.

Hey, thank you.

Thank you.

So you're at high school.

Yes, ninth grade.

Ninth grade.

What's that, then?

I think that's roughly the

time I dropped out, in fact.

Yeah.

I didn't-I didn't actually

drop out.

What I mean is that...

I left one day and I

didn't go back.

Why?

To meet my brother, you see.

We went to

Manchester, in England.

We went for the weekend,

end up staying seven years.

What happened?

Everything happened.

The music scene was

buzzing and bunch of parties,

lots of drugs,

lots of drinking.

Let's just talk about now.

Let's just keep it

to the present, you know?

Yeah.

Now.

I got this form from my lawyer.

And it's a list of reasons

why a person can claim

extreme hardship

from a relative, you know.

Lines one,

two, three, and four.

You have a major medical

condition, e.g., brain tumor,

multiple sclerosis,

cerebral palsy,

for which you need your

spouse to help take care of you.

You're caring for an

elderly, chronically disabled...

- That's hilarious.

- What is this?

No, forget it, forget it.

Skip down to levels

two and three.

Much more reasonable

reasons, I guess.

Uh-uh.

I can't perjure myself...

No, I don't want you

to lie, Catherine...

...and I certainly won't

let Ari.

Well, I don't want you

to make her feel uncomfortable.

We can find language that

works for us, you know?

Look at you.

No, I won't re... I won't

create a history

that didn't happen.

We aren't creating

anything, it's just a form.

It's nothing.

Could you speak

to your mother, please?

Oh, you're

not serious, are you?

- Come on.

- Lachlan, don't.

F*** it.

F*** it... Thank you very

much, once again.

You're gonna leave?

I knew this

was never gonna work.

Sit down.

Come on.

Arianwen...

it was really

lovely to see you again.

Just finish your coffee.

Really lovely.

Lachlan, sit down,

you're being ridiculous.

Later.

Okay, Warren, look, if

you're pissed about yesterday,

I'd like to apologize.

Yeah, it's uh, this

new girlfriend in LA?

No, see now that's

not where I was going.

Lachlan, the first half of

you job on Saturdays

is to get

up and load the truck.

The second half of your

job is to sell the produce.

The third half of your job

is to bring the sh*t home

and restock it.

This new deal where

you stay in LA every weekend

and make my son do your work,

it is not acceptable.

I know, you're right.

This came for you.

It's from immigration.

I hope your sh*t's

in order, man.

This will be the last edition

of "Flame-Outs", my friends.

Looks like I'm gonna have

to take my show on the road.

But, as promised,

I've saved the best for last.

And what could be

better than the western world's

original tragic musician,

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Hey, what does a rocker

like me know about Mozart?

Than the Stones

and the Sex Pistols, eh?

Listen to this.

The man had more talent in

his little pinky

than most of us

have in our entire body.

He worked to his very last

on this one

in order to

finish it before he died.

Sadly, he didn't make it.

And not only did he

come up short on his Requiem,

but his wife, Constanze,

she spent her husband's

dying days hustling

to try and get payment

from the Count

who commissioned the

Requiem in the first place.

Unfinished business.

I played this,

and it's for you.

Yes, Lachlan

here for Mister Piper.

Yes, it's Lachlan.

Listen uh, I've been thinking

about what you were saying.

It's really

time for me to go back.

No, no, that's-that's

just not gonna work out.

I want to go home.

I need to go home.

Hi, this is Beau's phone.

Leave a message.

Hey, Beau, it's Lachlan.

How you doin'?

No, I just wanted to

thank you for, oh,

that lovely hospitality you

gave me over the weekend.

That was really, really nice.

And you know, maybe, maybe

a voicemail

isn't the right

way to say this,

but I really wanted to be that

lad in your bed last night.

F*** off.

Not Paul.

He's-he's not the man

for you.

I mean, I'm

not even saying that I am.

It's just that he's f***ing

definitely not.

Another wee one, Brian.

No, I think you're

good, Lachlan.

Good, man, I'm always good.

Another wee one.

What's the matter

with you, man?

I've got money, I've got money.

My money's as good as

anybody's in that f***ing bar.

How about if I pour you?

How about if I pour you, eh?

That's right.

Warren.

Hey, tucked the kids up

in bed, have you?

Yeah, hours ago.

Hey. Nice...

Nice, lovely.

So I'm here to drive

you home, my man.

I'm going f***ing nowhere.

I'm listening

to music, come on.

I'm gonna listen to some music.

John Lennon.

I love John Lennon.

What'd you go and die for,

that bastard shot you.

- Thanks for coming.

- Yeah.

- Janis Joplin!

- What happened?

- Cut em off.

The Doors, Jim Morrison!

Tell you what, I'm not

gonna be running out

of subject matter, am I?

What else?

What else is on here?

Hey, let's take a,

let's take a load off.

Hey... Who the f*** says!

Come on, man, don't...

Flash of temper there, Warren?

I got out of bed in the

middle of the night

to come get you, so

let's just go.

Oh, away from your perfect

wee farmhouse, eh?

Your perfect wee kids all

dressed up

as cherries and bananas.

Don't talk bad about my family.

You talk about my family?

You want to talk about

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