California Solo Page #5

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but what a ball we had.

What a ball.

I cannot humbly

call him one of the greats.

But f*** it, yes I can,

because that's

exactly what he was.

Jed MacAldonich.

He never followed a single

rule from the moment

he was conceived.

Grew up listening to the records

of The Smiths, New Order.

When he was seventeen

he made a pilgrimage

to the Hacienda Night Club

in Manchester with his

little brother in tow.

A few years later they were

playing The Hacienda.

They and The Cranks.

We were The Cranks.

A couple years after that

we recorded an album

at Abbey Road Studios:

"Magical One".

But the death of Jed

MacAldonich did not happen

in England, my friends.

No.

His demise came in a shining

death trap

we call the Hollywood Hills.

Recording the third album,

his stupid little brother

brought in some bad drugs

to keep him

going through the night.

He kept hassling Jed

to take it.

He didn't care

that Jed was determined

to go straight, you know?

To straighten out.

But the little brother,

he never went back to the UK.

How could he?

How could he face the family?

Devastated fans.

Angry friends.

He knew what he'd done.

And he didn't need anyone

to f***ing tell him.

Jed's best

years were still to come.

We didn't see past that.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, hello?

Julian, customer.

- I'm busy.

- Oh, sh*t.

You okay?

- You okay? - Thanks. Yeah.

- Okay.

Two bucks, ma'am.

- Two?

- Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, f***.

Hey.

Slow day?

Well, I'm slow today.

That's for sure.

Everything okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

How are you?

Not great.

Paul and I decided

to take a break.

I don't like the idea

of cooking just for myself.

Well, I eat.

Oh, you do, do you?

Mmm-hm, a lot, yes.

And I know that's all I

can help you with

because I'm a shite cook.

So, you would like to come

over for dinner.

No, no.

Well, yeah...

I mean, you said, you know,

you need another mouth to feed.

Well, I do.

Okay, cool.

All right, I'll text you my

address.

Yeah, sure.

Find us something to eat

then, all right?

Right... Thanks.

Hey, Julian.

Yeah.

I'm gonna be

staying in LA today.

No.

I'm not unloading the truck

by myself again.

Julian, listen, life is

happening to me, man.

I'm powerless to stop it.

Yeah, well you're supposed

to be there to unload

the truck when

it gets back to the farm.

Come on... Hey.

My dad's gonna be pissed.

I'll talk to him

in the morning, okay?

Excuse me, my friend.

Um, does

Catherine Breem live here?

She doesn't live here, no.

Sh*t.

Well, she lived here

a few years back.

I'm sorry to bother you.

Hang on.

She's our landlord

we rent the house from.

Oh, right.

Do you know where

she happens to live now?

I'm an old friend.

All right, let me give

you her number first.

- You can...

- Thank you.

You can call her.

Fantastic...

Thank you so much.

F***-a-duck.

Hello?

- Hi, is that Catherine?

- Yeah.

It's you-know-who.

Oh my...

Lachlan?

Yeah, how are you doin'?

Hah!

Surprise,

sur-f***ing-prise.

that where you're living?

Uh, it's Antelope Valley.

No, well at the moment,

actually, I'm smack bang

in the middle of

our old stomping ground.

What for?

Well, I stopped by our

old place,

the guy told me you'd moved.

And he gave you my number?

Yeah, well it's

the accent, remember.

It causes Americans

to trust me.

Oh.

Is something wrong?

No, no, no, why?

Well, you're calling me.

Okay, listen, can we meet

up somewhere?

Jesus, Lachlan.

Okay, fine, you know

what, I'm home right now.

So why don't you just

come on by.

Perfect, perfect.

What's the...

I'll get a pen.

You need my address?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hold on, I've got one,

I've got one.

No, you don't.

No, I do.

No, you don't have a pen.

All right, Catherine,

I absolutely do have a pen.

Oh, my god.

Turn around.

- What?

- Turn around.

Green house.

You're still angry.

No, I'm not...

Honestly.

No, I can tell.

The corners of your

mouth are all pinched.

Well, are you my favorite

person in the world?

No.

But you know, I get it.

I get you, and that's it.

That's a bit severe, isn't it?

Which part?

Well, that you get me.

It's like you got the final

word on me somehow?

Well, I'm not qualified

to make a judgment?

Well yeah, but you haven't

seen me in ten years.

Exactly.

I rest my case.

So much for small talk.

That's right.

Okay, look, I've had

some problems

with immigration recently.

The only way I'm gonna be able

to stay in the country

is if I can prove

that I'm worth something

to someone who's

a citizen here.

Yeah, bureaucratic bullshit.

I see.

Combined with all my

f***ing mistakes.

So, what do you need, money?

No.

I need you.

I need you and Arianwen

to both need me.

What does that mean?

If I can prove

to the authorities

that by deporting me they are

going to cause you and Arianwen,

and this is their words,

"extreme hardship,"

then they'll let me stay.

Lachlan, you've been here

ten minutes,

you haven't even

asked how she's doing?

Well, of course I'm interested.

Sorry... How's she doin'?

She's a great kid.

I'd like to see her.

Come on.

Just a meeting.

You, me, Arianwen.

We'll have a coffee, take it

from there.

I know you haven't had it easy.

Neither of us have.

But for you to come here

and ask me...

Look, Catherine, look,

you know, it ain't easy.

And it ain't easy sitting

here asking you for this.

Ari's gonna come home soon...

Good.

I don't think she's

ready for this.

I was

a selfish prick back then.

But I was also a f*** load

of a good time.

And she knew, she knew

she was signing on for a party.

She f***ing knew that, man.

No way was she

signing on for a husband.

A f***ing father...

Jesus Chri...

Mmm.

I hate talking about this.

Where on

Earth did you get that?

I know where you got that.

That's Paul's, isn't it?

Well, I stole

it out of his crate.

This is an original...

You know, you missed that.

So that...

Is that you around

the time you married her?

And that's Jed?

Aye.

She should have known you

were a dead-ender.

I can tell.

What happened?

Well, don't you know how

to use Wikipedia?

It's cool.

Crazy, crazy time, you know?

Especially after that

India tour.

That's when it all kicked off.

Sorry... It's Paul.

Hmm.

He's just...

been texting me nonstop.

Hmm?

You know what tonight is?

No.

It's that Brit Pop thing.

He's begging us to come.

- He knows I'm here?

- Yeah.

That's why he's hounding me.

He wants you to come.

All right...

And, uh, he wants

his Cranks record back.

Okay.

I can just say

we're not gonna go.

No, wait, wait, wait, no.

Let's go.

Seriously?

F*** it, why not?

I could use the distraction.

Hey, Beau.

Gimme that motherf***er!

Hey, man!

How you been, man?

So glad you made it!

Yo, this is Lachlan

from The Cranks!

Oh, sh*t!

They brought my record back.

Hey, you guys want a drink?

Yeah, I'd love a drink.

Yeah, hello?

Lachlan.

Catherine.

I'm only doing

this because Ari's therapist

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