California Solo Page #4

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No.

Is this the one

you played when...

Mm-hmm.

Will you play me something?

No.

It's the best way to

impress a girl, you know.

I've been known to

use that tactic in my day.

Yeah, I'm sure.

You aren't

gonna give up, are ya?

Mm-mm.

Oh, f*** it...

Any requests?

No, you can choose.

My choice.

Well...

I did have a solo

album once the band broke up.

- It was called...

- I know.

I Googled you last week.

- "California Solo".

- Ooh...

You Googled me, did you?

- Mm-hmm, guilty.

- Oh, my God.

Where has all

the mystery gone, Beau?

You know, I remember the days

when people used to speak

to each other.

Old fashioned.

Okay.

# You know that good times #

# Are so hard to fi... #

I forget the words.

# But all your

yesterdays shine #

# But the dreams come rains

come tomorrow #

# I'm such a long, long way

from what I used to call home #

# And I know so much better

than to leave you alone #

# I guess you and me were

just passing the time #

# And though I may be leaving #

# I'm still glad

# You were once mine

# Your voice sounds so sad #

# And my heart's

filled with sorrow #

# Your tears and my pride

# they're both so hard

to swallow #

# And I love the way

that it starts come what may #

# But I hate the way it

all ends in disarray #

# And when I found out you

took back your sweet hand #

# Ah, but that's okay, babe,

you're still my beauty #

# My beautiful lamb

# So as the teardrops fall #

# do I have to beg

and steal or borrow #

# And when did

yesterday's sun #

# Turn into

raindrops tomorrow #

# I'm guessing that

we were just passing the time #

# But I'll always carry

you with me #

# in the back of my mind

# I've drunk all your wine

when I've been alone #

# Oh

# California I'm solo

but you lead me #

# Lead me home

Wow.

It's been a while.

That was beautiful.

Yeah?

Hey.

Listen, you sleep in the bed,

I'm gonna sleep here.

Oh, we can share the bed.

I mean, we're

both grown-ups.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Um...

just so you know...

nothing is going to

happen tonight.

No.

God, of course not, no.

Right.

Long day.

I'm drunk.

What do you think?

Underdeveloped.

Yeah.

But, by how much?

Couple of days, maybe a week.

I don't know.

Yeah, see.

Sh*t, I need to take this.

Yeah, Mister Domenico.

Okay.

And what is it?

Probation?

I'll have to go to court.

Okay.

All right, cheers.

Bye-bye.

Well, well.

Are you gonna keep us

in suspense?

No.

I got the plea bargain.

I'm not gonna get deported.

Then I guess we're

stuck with ya.

Unfortunately, for you.

Even more unfortunate

for you, my friend.

Lachlan Mac...

MacAldonich.

It's Lachlan MacAldonich.

Tough name to say.

Never take the easy road.

- I'm Carol Brody...

- Hi, Carol.

...your probation officer.

- Right this way.

- Sure.

I'm with Immigration

and Customs Enforcement,

I need you to come with

me, please, sir.

Oh, whoa, whoa,

whoa, what's this?

We'll explain everything.

Miss Brody?

ICE put a hold on you.

You have to go with them.

So, what is this...

So, is this a trap, yeah?

It's standard procedure, sir.

Well, you haven't even read

me my rights yet.

Because you're not

being arrested,

you're just being detained,

Mister McDonald.

Okay, name.

Lachlan MacAldonich.

Date of birth.

First of April, 1969.

All right.

Place of birth.

It's Kilmarnock in

Scotland, in the UK.

K-I-L-M-A-R-N-O-C-K.

Marital status.

Divorced.

Any children?

Yeah, a daughter.

Her age?

Thirteen, I think.

Occupation.

Agricultural worker.

All right,

Mister MacAldonich...

do you know why you've

been detained?

I haven't got a f***ing clue.

Well, your case was

referred to this division

after your conviction

on a DUI...

To initiate

removal proceedings.

Sir, this is a f***ing joke.

But I've already sorted

all this out with my lawyer.

Wanna watch your language,

please, Sir?

Now this is

your notice to appear.

In about two or three weeks

check with your lawyers for

the exact date.

A judge... I'm sorry, I... I

don't want this.

This is a...

This is a f***ing mistake.

Those are your charging

papers for immigration court,

so you're gonna need those.

Yeah, but man, it's a mistake.

Not my problem, sir.

Okay, can I go now, please?

No, you can't.

You have a bond posted

for $10,000.

I thought you said that I

hadn't been arrested.

It's not bail, it's a bond.

Now if you need,

we have a list

of local bail bondsman

who will post bonds for

immigration removal cases.

I recommend you call

one of them.

Do you mind if I

make a phone call from here?

Yeah, go ahead.

Let me call my lawyers.

Tear 'em a new a**hole.

Well, well I thought we

took this plea deal

in order to avoid this.

Well, it's not

an exact science.

You make a judgment

based on case law...

Well, well nobody told me

when I was signing up for this

that you were f***ing guessing!

All right, calm down...

No, don't tell me to

calm down, Mister Piper.

Don't tell me

to calm down, mate.

I took your sound legal advice.

I paid for your

sound legal advice,

and you've stuck me in

a raft and sold me

right up the f***ing river.

We're not there quite yet.

You still have a decent...

We are there.

We're here right f***ing now!

Look at us!

We are doing our

best to try and figure out...

Don't do your f***ing best!

You go fix this!

You will fix this or

you're gonna understand

why I was kicked out of

every f***ing club in the UK!

Do you get that?

I will not go back there!

I will f***ing not

go back there!

Okay... Okay.

Well uh, do you have

someone to post your bond?

I tell you what.

You post my bond, friend-o.

I'm sorry,

that's against firm policy.

I got all these Mexicans

working on my farm,

and it's the Scottish guy that

gets into sh*t with immigration.

Warren, I'm sorry, man...

I'll pay you back.

Yeah, how you gonna do that?

Is your boss planning

on giving you a raise?

Yeah, hello?

Hey, it's David Piper.

You got a sec?

Look, uh, I found out a little

bit more about your situation.

Turns out it was

that old drug arrest.

Three ounces of marijuana found

on your person.

It turns out they could've

deported you at any point

in the last fifteen years.

Then why didn't they?

Well, no one was

paying any attention.

Basically, we got two options.

Um, first one, you accept

the removal ruling,

you go back home,

and you never come back.

Oh, please, please don't

tell me I have to pack my bags.

- Come on.

- No, no, not necessarily.

The second option is this.

It's something we call

extreme hardship.

We would basically have to

prove that your removal

from the country would

cause extreme hardship

to a US citizen.

It's the only viable

choice we've got here.

Anyone you can think of?

I don't believe

there's anyone who gives a toss

whether I'm here or not.

Now that was The Cranks.

First track from the album

"Back Street Waltz".

I haven't listened to

this for many years, my friends,

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