California Suite Page #9

They'll take care of you.

They have very good

service here.

- Mr. Michaels?

- Oh, Christ!

D-don't ever do that!

I'm sorry. I was just bringing up Mrs.

Michael's bag.

Oh, good.

They found your bag, honey.

She was very worried about it.

She was just going down

to look for it.

You want it in the bedroom?

No!

Um, yes.

No, leave it there.

- In the hall?

- Uh, yes. Uh, no.

Um, give it to me.

No, uh, put it in the bedroom.

- Is Mrs. Michaels all right?

- Yes, she's very tired.

She just flew in from New York.

Thank you very much.

Uh, I'll take care of you later.

Marvin, why is the door locked?

I can't hear you!

I'm in the bathroom, cleaning!

I can't wait anymore.

Open the door.

I'll open the door.

- Here comes the door!

- Marvin!

The opening of the door

is coming!

- What are you doing?

- I'm on the way to the door.

The door is open. Don't you

know how to work a door?

What took you so long? What's the matter?

You got a girl in here?

That's right!

I have a beautiful blonde

in the bed!

I smell perfume,

women's perfume.

They spray it in all the rooms.

It's a terrific hotel.

Oh.

My god, I'm never gonna make it.

Feel better, sugar pie?

I've got circles under my eyes.

I didn't sleep all night.

I've gotta take a nap.

A nap? Why do you want

to take a nap?

You can nap at the bar mitzvah.

You know how boring they are.

Never gonna get there if I don't

have a few minutes' rest.

Come on, move over.

Wait... Millie, would

you sit down for a minute?

I have to tell you something.

Can't I lie down and hear it?

It's the kind of thing

you should hear sitting up.

Millie,

you mean more to me

than you could possibly know.

But sometimes we transgress.

Sometimes we do foolish things

which unwittingly

cause hurt and injury

to the other.

I don't think you've ever

consciously hurt me.

Consciously, no.

But a careless word here,

a foolish gesture...

There...

Nothing major, Marvin.

We've had disagreements,

but nothing major.

I'm glad you

brought that up, Millie.

What would you consider major?

Major? I don't know.

I-I can't picture you

doing anything major.

I-I guess if you were

cruel to the children,

that would be major.

I would put that number one.

I would say that that was the worst

thing a man could do in a marriage.

To be cruel to the children

is unpardonable.

All else could be forgiven.

If I caught you with another

woman, that would be major.

Let's not get off

the children thing so fast.

- To me, children are the reflection...

- Marvin, Marvin,

I've got to lie down.

Oh, Millie, I've missed you so.

Mm-mm-mm. Oh.

I've missed you.

So... let's go to the living

room. God, I've missed you.

Let's make love

in the living room.

You've missed me?

You've only been away one night.

I know, but there's a

three-hour time difference.

My god, I've never

seen you look so pretty.

Come here,

you cute little thing.

Don't be ridiculous.

There's not even a bed in here.

Oh. Oh, well. They...

They have terrific carpeting.

Come on. We tried pot last year.

Let's try carpeting this year.

Maybe tonight.

If I don't lie down,

I'll pass out.

Millie! Millie, wait!

Millie, don't! Millie!

You don't have to get

so upset. I said tonight.

I've never seen you

so sex-crazed in the morning.

I didn't realize

it was the morning.

Why don't you just lie

down next to me and relax?

We don't have to make love.

Just lie down next to me

for... for half an hour.

Come on. You can

do that, can't you?

Come on.

What are you doing down there?

My back is acting up again.

The bed is too soft.

I don't believe that

for a second.

Millie,

I can't keep this up anymore.

I'm gonna get a heart attack.

I'm gonna tell you something,

Millie, and this is the truth.

No more lies.

It was never my intention

to hurt you, Millie,

but it's very possible

that in the next few minutes,

you may be terribly,

terribly hurt.

Uh-huh.

Is it major or minor?

To me it's minor. To you I think

it's going to be extremely major.

Well, tell me, Marvin.

It couldn't be that bad, as long as

you're not trying to cover up something.

I'd like to show you

something, Millie,

but I'm gonna ask you

to do something for me first.

Say nothing for ten seconds.

Whatever comes to mind, please,

for the sake of both of us,

say nothing for ten seconds.

I'm praying, Marvin.

I'm praying that the maid

came in to clean

and got dizzy from overwork

and fainted in your bed?

It's not the maid, Millie.

Well, then, I'm very anxious

to hear who it is, Marvin.

I can't wait to hear

what you have to say next.

I'm waiting, Marvin.

I'm waiting too.

You know what my guess is?

My guess is that that's

a woman in your bed.

That's my guess too, Millie.

What woman,

you can tell me in court.

I'm leaving now, Marvin.

Before I go, I want to ask

you one silly question.

Why doesn't she move?

I can explain that.

Don't tell me you've

been carrying on

with a helpless paralytic.

I won't buy it, Marvin.

Millie, she drank a whole bottle

of Tequila by herself!

Set and match point coming up.

- Watch it!

- Like I watched the Gauge?

- It's mine!

- Ooh, ooh, ooh. Look out.

Chauncey, lob it!

- I got it.

- I got it, I got it, I got it.

- I got it, I got it. Willis, I got it.

- Ooh, I got it. Watch it!

Oh!

Ow!

Ooh. Ooh! It's broken.

Oh, god. It's broken.

I can feel it.

It's not broken.

It's sprained.

You're a nose and throat man.

How do you know?

We were dead drunk,

the both of us.

You think I'd do something

like that stone sober?

Let me tell you something else.

Being cruel to the children

is number two.

- That's number one.

- To you, Millie.

I can understand it being important to you.

To me it was meaningless.

That's a shame, Marvin. I always get so

upset when you don't have a good time.

Good, good.

Get it out.

The quicker you get it out,

the quicker you'll be rid of it.

God.

And what do I do now?

Do you expect me to go

to your nephew's bar mitzvah

and say "congratulations"

to the man who paid that woman

to sleep with my husband?

He'll probably wink at you.

He doesn't know that you know.

I see. Then the joke's on him.

Only you and I know that I know.

You're right, Millie. You don't

deserve to be treated like that.

Forget the bar mitzvah.

I'll go back with you

on the next plane

if that's what you want.

No. I will not give you or

your family that satisfaction.

I am going to behave with more

dignity than you ever dreamed.

I am going to that bar mitzvah

with my head held high.

I am not going to divorce you.

I am going to forgive you.

I am going to forget

this ever happened.

I am going to figure out

why it happened,

and I'm never going to bring

it up again as long as I live.

And now, I'm going in there,

and I'm going to spend

every last cent you have.

Here we go, dear. Here we go.

To the right. To the right.

- Oh, I feel like a piano... A dead piano.

- All right.

Lola, please get a wet towel

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