Camp Page #3

and still get applause.

You know what I'm saying?

Now, what are you

gonna do about it?

Skateboarding?

For someone with

a name like Vladimir,

you sure are

a clichd American teenager.

If you don't like it,

stop watching.

I'm not.

I'm reading.

Sorry. I'm only human.

Call your parents, Romeo.

Get 'em up here.

I envy you.

You've probably known what you

wanted to do since you were born.

When I was eight years old,

I asked my father

to send me to acting class.

And you know what he said?

"There are five billion people

in this world.

"If only 1/10th of 1%

of them want to be actors,

"that's still

five million people.

"Do you really think you're

prettier than five million people?

You're not even the prettiest

one in your class."

I think you're very pretty.

God.

Why should that make me

want to cry?

I would've asked you

to your prom.

Mom.

Hi.

I'm sorry,

did I wake you up?

It's nice

to hear your voice, too.

I miss you too, mom.

Can you guys

come see my show?

Great.

New cast lists are up.

I got joanne in company.

You're in it, too.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

What is that?

Is that my underwear?

I was just

washing them out.

We need to talk.

I think we need a little

break from each other.

What?

It's something

I've been meaning

to bring up

for a while now.

This whole thing is beginning

to get a little weird.

I don't understand.

I've done everything

you've asked me to.

I know, and it's

been a great help,

but the time has come

for you to get

some sort of life.

I have a life.

Get another one.

I don't know why

you're saying this.

I can be better.

You're not hearing me.

I can be better.

You're not hearing me.

Test me.

I'll do anything you say.

You're my best friend!

Get away from me, you freak!

From now on,

let's just go about our business

and pretend like we never met.

Okay?

I'm going out.

Why don't you be gone

when I get back.

You ready

for our big opening night?

You're very intense

back there in the chorus.

Is everything okay?

I'm a little frustrated.

Frustration's

a useless emotion.

If you see something you want,

you just got to go for it.

Easy to say.

It's better to regret

something you have done

it's better to regret

something you have done

than something

you haven't done.

Trust me, I'm the expert.

Really?

I've been watching you,

and you are

a scary little girl.

There's nothing you can't do

if you put your mind to it.

Thank you, Mr. Hanley.

You've been very helpful.

Lunch is now being served.

Lunch is now being served.

Everybody should be at lunch.

I'd like to propose a toast.

I'm going to call it off.

I think you'd better.

Wait.

What in the hell

are you doing here?

I knew you'd be discussing

stopping the show,

and I just thought how

disappointed the kids would be.

You scheming little b*tch!

Please! I'm a child.

If you think for one...

Save the speech, rummy.

She's f***ed, I'm ready,

and the goddamn show

must go on.

So let's get cracking,

shall we?

Aah!

Two households,

both alike in dignity

in fair verona,

where we lay our scene.

From ancient grudge

break to new mutiny,

where civil blood

makes civil hands unclean.

Romeo, come forth.

Romeo, come forth.

Come forth,

thou fearful man.

Affliction is enamored

of thy parts

and thou art wedded

to calamity.

Father, 'tis I, Romeo.

What news?

What is the prince's doom?

What sorrow

craves acquaintance...

Tell me, chino...

How many bullets

are left in this gun?

Enough for you?

And you? And you?

How many can I shoot

and still have

one left for me?

Michael!

Michael, where are you?

Michael.

Dude, we looked

all over for you.

I heard about what happened.

I called them afterwards...

To make sure they

weren't dead somewhere

on the New York

state thruway.

On the New York

state thruway.

My father decided he couldn't

put himself through seeing me.

What does that even mean?

It means they

think I'm a freak,

like the kids at my school.

Let's face it, even here

I'm in the upper third.

Why don't you live at home?

Why don't you live at home?

Prom night,

my father looked at me

bleeding in a dress.

He told me

I brought it upon myself.

He said that if I did that

when he were in school,

he'd have been one of those

boys kicking my ass, too.

That's crazy.

When it was happening,

I just projected myself

out of it,

and in my head

I went somewhere else.

Where?

Here.

Why would you wear a dress

to your prom, dude?

You had to know

you were going to

get creamed.

I don't get that.

Of course

you don't get that.

That's because your life

is pretty damn close

to perfect.

Mine is like, one from column

"a," one from column "sh*t."

Perfect.

How about this?

3, 4, 6, 1,

3, 4, 6, 4, 10,

4, 14, 3, 17, 1, 18,

6, 24, 4, 28, 3, 31, 4.

What's that?

What's that?

Have you ever

heard of ocd?

I count letters

involuntarily.

That was

"one from column 'a, '

one from column 'sh*t.'"

I don't understand.

It's like,

if I don't take my pill,

then every time

someone speaks,

or if I have an idea,

or if somebody talks...

Anything...

I break it down into words,

then into letters,

and I add them up.

3, 1, 3, 4, 2.

"And I add them up."

3, 1, 3, 4, 2.

"And I add them up."

I take those numbers,

and I add them up backwards.

3, 1, 3, 4, 2

was 6, 3, 9, 1, 10, 3, 13, 4.

The last word

plus the word before that,

plus the word before that,

and on and on...

Till it ends

in a prime number.

It's, like,

constantly in my head.

I take it all back.

That's the sickest thing

I ever heard.

I know.

It's weird 'cause it's,

like, it's just there.

3, 4, 5, 9, 3, 12, 3.

"It's just there."

Whoa!

It's crazy. Oh, my god.

That's why I act.

That's why

I want to be an actor.

'Cause when I'm acting,

it's not there

if it's really going good,

you know?

It's like the character

doesn't have it...

So I don't have it.

A teenage Prozac junkie.

That's my perfect life.

I guess we're both freaks.

Well...

You can

take a pill for yours.

I'm still some

teenage drag queen

with bad skin

who can't put on a dress

without getting the crap

beat out of him.

Let's get out of here,

man.

Good morning, campers.

Time to rise and shine.

Today's wake-up song

is a special

birthday dedication

to Michael Flores.

Happy birthday, Michael.

Surprise!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Oh, my god, look at you!

The only thing

I have to say is,

the hair on my legs

better grow back,

or else

somebody's getting sued.

Surprise!

Drag kings "r" us!

Make a wish.

Right at this moment,

I have everything I want.

Right at this moment,

I have everything I want.

So...

I'll give this wish

to you guys.

Ohh!

Who are you people?

What planet did you

beam down from?

I'm serious.

If I can teach you one thing,

which is supposed

to be my job here...

It'd be that

you should all go home.

It'd be that

you should all go home.

Michael Bennett's dead.

Bob fosse is dead.

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