Capers Page #4

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- They're public, right?

- I have to enter a reason

for their retrieval.

- Since when?

- Since 9/11.

- All right, well,

put down whatever you want.

Just keep it quiet.

- Okay, uh,

I need to assess their value

for insurance purposes.

- It's your building?

- Yeah, okay.

- Is it your building, sir?

- What is ownership anyway?

- Well, if it's not

your building,

why do you want to insure it?

- Well, uh, I thought

it'd be a nice thing to do.

- I have to say, I'm having

a hard time believing you.

- Why?

'Cause I'm black?

- No, because what you're

telling me is ridiculous.

- I should get really mad at you

right now.

But I can't.

Instead I feel sorry

for you, sir,

because you are ignorant.

Let me enlighten you.

Black people, we like to insure

each other's property

all the time,

and I'm not gonna explain

that to you,

because, frankly,

you wouldn't understand.

Yo, I'll be back.

- You didn't write down

the address

of the building you want

the blueprints for.

- Don't worry about it.

Sometimes I like to look at

the blueprints of a building

in case maybe I want to build

that building again

someplace else.

So just get the blueprints.

- I need to know which building.

- Why?

- It's our policy.

- Since when?

- Since 9/11.

- Yeah, forget about it.

I'll blueprint it myself.

- "Yes, please, I need patent

formula and design

for Securitex front load

depository safe."

- Yes, go get it.

- We don't have that here.

- Is this not

Ministry of lnformation?

- This is the Department

of Planning.

We have building plans

and permits.

- Okay, go get that.

- Fill out the form.

- That Mac or PC?

- I don't know.

- It give you trouble?

- All the time.

- You have problems,

you let me know.

- I fix Windows, DOS,

Commodore 64, Wang.

- Thanks.

- I'll need a photo lD.

- Certainly.

- Alexander Hamilton?

- That's my name.

Don't wear it.

- Says here you're blonde,

blue-eyed, and 6'2".

- Yes, thank you.

- Your photo lD

has to look like you.

- Why?

- It's our policy.

- Since when?

- Since 9/11.

- Oh, okay.

I go now.

- Would you turn that down,

please?

I would recommend

a standard composition C-4.

- What?

- C-4.

- Where'd you get that?

- Office Mania.

- We need to make it through

several reinforced walls.

- Okay.

You're gonna want

a shape charge then.

This is in

our highly explosive family.

- Do you have to use that?

- It's convenient, b*tch.

- Ronald, your language.

- I got to keep it gangsta,

baby.

- Yeah..

- You know, that is an offensive

term for people.

- Dynamite, baby!

That's what the Coyote used

to blow up the Roadrunner.

- Wile E? Coyote never blew up

the Roadrunner.

- Shut up, nigga!

- Hey, guys.

You're gonna need fuses also.

- What we need, Moose, 15?

- No you got to--

- You know what?

Start with 50.

- I always tell people to start

with 50 if they don't know.

- 50 feet?

- Please.

- How far away do want to be

from the bomb?

- 100 feet?

- You have to move the pointer.

- Moose.

- I'm thinkin'.

I'm thinkin'.

I'm new at this, you know.

- What do you mean

you're new at this?

- There's a first time

for everything, nigga.

- You can always come back.

We're open till sundown

every day except Saturday.

- Why don't we just

buy a ladder?

- I'm not paying for it.

That's the problem

with this job.

No budget.

- Hey fellas,

how can I help you?

- We need to borrow a ladder.

- Mind telling me what for?

- We're gonna make

some real money.

- We need to rescue a cat.

- We do?

They didn't tell me about that.

- Okay, come on.

We got an 8-foot extendable,

- Wow, your ladders are huge.

- Thanks.

- Hey, can I help you?

- Yes, we are looking

for enriched uranium.

- Must be 20% U-235 isotope

or higher.

- And what do you need that for?

- Nuclear power

for safe-cracking machine.

- Oh, okay.

Uh...excuse me for asking,

but where are you from?

- We live here.

- Go Yankees.

- And Mets.

- No, I mean, like,

where are you from originally?

- We are Arab Slavs.

- Yeah.

I don't think

we got any uranium.

- Do you have

any other nuclear material?

- Let me check.

- Perhaps he can order.

- Yeah, I need the police

and, like, Homeland Security,

and, like, maybe the army.

Come down to Al's Hardware store

on Hoyt Street.

- He will talk when he wake up.

- He will not remember.

How will we power machine?

- We can use six-volt battery.

- [imitates phone ringing]

Good evening,

technical support.

Of course,

I will be delighted to help you.

- Slava.

Machine.

- Everybody listen up.

This is a big job--

need to be organized.

This'll be planning central.

Everything we need to know about

the job will go here.

And this is the safe.

Now we're going in

tomorrow night.

We need a plan to get in,

get this thing, and get out.

Dino, blueprints to the shop.

Uh, okay.

Even though it's an old store,

very good possibility

she's got it alarmed,

at least right through here

at the front door.

- And the walls,

floor too.

- Maybe even the air.

The air in the room

is very probably alarmed.

- Bo, your job is to interface

with the computers

and knock out the alarm.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Dino, you and Big Jim-

- Wait.

How do I do that?

- You're the Oriental.

- Oh.

No, sorry, I don't know.

- You don't know?

- I don't like computers.

I like people.

- You know karate,

though, right?

- I'm protected by the power

of my dead uncle.

- Right.

We're just gonna have to find

another way to get in.

- Okay.

Now, these tape marks

indicate our path

through the ventilation system

in Connie's pawnshop.

Dino, you're gonna go first.

Now, in actuality this shaft

is about 50 feet longer.

So let's all just, uh...

crawl in place for a minute.

- All right, Dino,

make the turn.

- Okay, now after this turn,

we're about 10 feet away

from being on top of the safe.

- How are we gettin'

around these?

- Just move 'em.

- Am I gonna be able to just

move 'em when we're in there?

- There's not gonna be

any pizza boxes

in the air-conditioning vents.

- Are we really going in there?

- Why, are you getting

cold feet?

- No.

But it's really, really dark

in there.

- That's why we've all got

flashlights.

- We do?

Can I have one?

- Bo, I told everyone

to bring flashlights.

I've got a flashlight.

Dino's got a flashlight.

- Never do a job

without a flashlight.

- Big Jim's got a flashlight.

- Nope.

Figure I'd steal one

from the shop.

- That's a good idea.

- Dino, you got a flashlight.

You hoppin' in first.

- I'm not going in first.

Let somebody else go first.

- Why?

- I went first in rehearsal.

- Yeah, I don't want to go in

first either.

- Me neither.

- Fine, I'll go first.

- It's this one?

- No.

One more.

- This one, right?

- No.

One more.

Why are we stopping?

- It's a dead end.

- Dead end?

Hang on.

- You're right.

It's one back.

Back up.

Okay, let's go.

Right.

Go right.

No, no, left, left.

Sorry.

- Little man.

- Oh, my god.

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