Captain Ron Page #2

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I wouldn't worry about it, dear.

It's the genuine article, all right.

Fairchild Marine. 1200 ponies.

- It drips a lot of oil, doesn't it?

- All diesels do that.

All diesels do that, honey.

Diesels love oil

like a sailor loves rum.

- Yes! Why is that, Captain Ron?

- Nobody knows.

We have to fill her up every morning.

It's a greasy job, but must be done.

- Ben, that sounds like...

- You'd better do it.

- You take out the trash, swab.

- Oh, man!

Hey, swab. Come here.

Listen up. The way it works

shipwards is, you do your job.

You do it good, maybe you'll

get promoted from swab to mate.

Get out.

- Sort of an incentive kind of deal.

- That's good.

Yeah, incentives are important.

I learned that in rehab.

God, it's ridiculous.

- You got dry rot. Every boat has it.

- Every boat.

You are lucky,

yours is above the water line.

Well, most of it, anyway.

All right, let's light the fire.

- I really hate this!

- Are you OK? Will it come off?

- Sure. Turpentine will do the trick.

- Let's see how fast it'll go.

Not yet. We got to be sure

she's shipshape, right, Captain?

Are you all right?

Besides, I borrowed

my buddy's car and...

- Did he come in a car?

- I don't see one.

He said his friend's car.

What the hell?

We got to leave sometime!

I look like a pizza! People think

good complexions grow on trees.

- We don't know if it's safe.

- We'll find out on the ocean.

Anything's gonna happen,

it's gonna happen out there.

- We don't have any supplies.

- We'll get them at St Haag.

I think there's enough fuel.

Push it forward.

( CAROLINE SCREAMS)

( CAR HORN)

(MAN IN CAR) Where are you going?

Capitan Ron! Where is my auto?

Stop!

You stole my wife, but not my car!

( GUNSHOTS)

- What is that?

- Some local dispute?

Hey, Boss! Take hold.

- Are those gunshots?

- Look at this.

- Honey, look.

- Keep your eyes out there.

- You look kind of natural there.

- Thank you.

- Spend much time on the water?

- When I was a kid.

It shows.

Keep her due north. Don't bump

into anything. I'll get some shuteye.

Captain Ron?

- Should...?

- Be careful! Are you OK?

- Fine.

- You're comfortable doing this?

Next stop St Haag.

About 35 miles, I think. Due north.

Isn't this great?

Look at this!

Open ocean, uncharted islands.

Who knows

what's waiting for us out there?

Log entry, day two.

The adventure begins!

What a thrill it is to leave

the turmoil of civilization behind.

( CALYPSO MUSIC)

(FOGHORN)

- Do you see that boat?

- I see it, honey.

(SEVERAL FOGHORNS)

Captain Ron? Could you come up,

please? Everything's fine.

There's something wrong

with Captain Ron. I think he's dead.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Ben, stop that!

- Tough break. We'll have to go home.

- (MARTIN) Is he OK?

(SCREAMS)

I didn't do it!

Where am I?

Sorry, Kitty.

I do that to keep the light out.

- What about your other eye?

- Glass, swab.

I won it in a crap game.

How are we doing up on deck?

- This is...

- I know, I know.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah. Good job, Boss.

There are boats all over the place!

They'll get out of the way.

I learned that on the "Saratoga".

- "U.S.S. Saratoga"?

- Yeah, the old Sara.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

- Slow down!

- Get ready to kick the fenders over.

- What are fenders?

- Those rubber bumper things.

Hold on!

Hang on to something.

We're coming in too fast.

(MUSIC STOPS, SCREAMS)

Did you see that? That was cool!

Let's tie her off

and kick back some cold ones!

Kommen Sie hier!

I'll go with a margarita.

(MUSIC STARTS AGAIN)

I gotta confess,

I was a little nervous about that.

I don't know why.

He obviously knows what he's doing.

.. Tell me where

you've been last night, Caroline..

I miss the clubs in Chicago.

I am engaged.

But it's kind of informal.

Like, not a problem.

I gotta go. I'll see if I can make it.

Bye-bye.

What do you think about Captain Ron?

I can find someone else

if you're not comfortable with him.

No, he's fine. He seems to know

what he's doing. He was in the Navy.

What about the eye thing?

I wouldn't fire him because he is

physically challenged. I admire him.

Look at the way he parked the boat.

Unbelievable! Especially for somebody

with no depth perception.

Yeah, he's good.

.. Take your bundle and go, Caroline

Take your bundle and go, Caroline..

- She said she'd meet us here.

- Will you trust her?

- Hey, how was it?

- Cool. Rainforests and shells.

- I told you!

- It was fun.

Hi!

See. That's very friendly.

That's not what you get at home.

.. Tell me where you've been

last night, Caroline..

I've done some research

and plotted our course.

This is old stuff to you,

having been a helmsman.

I just steered the Sara.

I didn't navigate.

Get me another brewski.

- You know these waters well.

- Yeah, no problem there.

Besides, if we get lost,

we dock somewhere and ask directions.

Martin,

I've never heard of these places.

That's the point. Who wants to stay

in a place like this every night?

We can visit sponge fishermen

and an old monastery,

fabulous rock formations

and an old Spanish fort.

If we stay on schedule,

we'll be there for carnival!

- There. San Juan.

- That sounds like fun.

- Where is that again?

- San Juan.

- I'll just leave this with you.

- I'll give her a good study tonight.

- I thought we'd go below.

- All of us?

No, just you and me.

- Kids. Mom and I are gonna turn in.

- 8.30?

- Dawn comes early on a boat.

- You're right about that, Boss.

But you can stay on deck

and play a game or something.

- Hell of an idea. Poker?

- I think we'll stick to Monopoly.

- It's just...

- I got you. Come on, swab.

What do you think, baby?

The first night on the boat.

Waves lapping against the hull.

You, me, in our floating palace.

Skipper, the walls are kind of thin.

We're not alone.

I thought about that. The shower.

A little camouflage noise.

(MARTIN AND KATHERINE GIGGLING)

- What's with you?

- Party at the Dutch consulate.

- Nice map.

- Nice dress.

If anyone asks, I went for a walk.

Expensive night.

Now that you got a little coin,

let's make the game interesting.

OK.

Let's say 10 cents equals 100 dollars.

- Mr Big Stakes.

- What's that sound?

Water pump.

- Get your hands off!

- I wasn't gonna drink it.

You bet you wasn't.

You want a beer, get your own beer.

Honey, wait.

Let me adjust the shower.

What's that? A mop.

- Don't go nowhere.

- Where would I go?

- Lucy, I'm home!

- It suddenly got crowded in here.

- It's a bit cramped in here.

- I dropped the wash cloth.

I gotta open the door.

It went down the drain!

B & O Railroad. That's $ 1.25.

- Just turn off the water.

- I'm trying to turn it off!

- This is a piece of junk!

- Turn it the other way.

What? Did you drop it?

Three houses, 375! That's 37 cents.

- That's half the money I have left.

- Sh*t happens. Cough it up.

We're gonna run out of water.

Hang on.

By the way,

you owe me 2.50 for the beer.

- Just calm down.

- I got it!

Don't let my children find me

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