Captain Ron Page #5

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He's such a character.

Honey, where are the kids?

They're there. Ben!

They were right there. Caroline!

Benjamin!

Caroline!

Benjamin!

Ben!

- Did you find them?

- What? No.

Forget it. Never did fit, anyway.

You gotta get them custom made.

Hey! Where's Mom and Dad?

It wasn't smart to mention we brought

revolutionaries to the island.

I'm not starting a fight.

It's just my opinion.

I was trying to show

the kind of person Captain Ron is.

I'm Bill Zachary from the U.S.

State Department. Good news.

- You found our children?

- No.

But you are not being charged

with subversion.

You are being expelled

from the island.

- What? When?

- Now.

( CALYPSO MUSIC)

What is going on?

- Caroline!

- You guys are back early.

- What are you doing?

- The merengue.

- Where is your brother?

- He's around. You guys!

Captain Ron didn't want us wandering

around. So we found this band

and these people,

and we just had a party!

We were worried sick

the whole time we were in jail.

- In jail?

- Don't worry. Who's this guy?

Mamba! He doesn't speak English,

but he's cute. Guess what?

- You're engaged.

- No, I didn't get engaged.

I got tattooed. Mamba did it.

It's a cool little rose.

- Where did you get this tattoo?

- At Mamba's shop.

- Where on your body?

- Mom, it's kind of private.

A guy with a spider on his head

tattooed you somewhere private?

- It could be a lot worse.

- How?

Hey! What happened to the music?

Uh-oh. Coming through!

- Come back here! Ben!

- Excuse me, folks.

Ben!

Ben!

Are you hurt? I told you

not to leave bottles lying around.

You cretin!

Angeline's no Cretan.

She's Puerto Rican.

- I'm not talking to her.

- We're playing strip Monopoly.

- We ran out of money. She's...

- Where's Ben?

- He went that way.

- You tattooed my kids!

- Who is he?

- Dad, it's fake. It washes off.

- Thank God!

- And Caroline's?

- No, that's real. Primo work.

- You're fired.

Boss, wait a minute!

Let's at least have a dialogue here.

Giving the children beer

and bringing that woman around...

- Angeline's OK. Roscoe is the jerk.

- Yeah, we saw Roscoe.

You'll see him again

if I don't get paid $500.

She had Park Place with three hotels.

Curve it a second, boss - former

boss. The woman had a system.

I just figured it out

before you got back.

Let us back in that game,

and I can whittle that down.

Whittle yourself out of my life!

And you! Tell Roscoe

you're not getting jack!

- I wouldn't do that.

- I would. Beat it.

- Get back on the boat!

- You're embarrassing me.

I'll do more than that

if you don't get going. Move!

Oh, man!

Well, you know.

It'll take some time to get over this.

We'll get by somehow. We always do.

I didn't think we'd survive this.

Don't worry. We'll be in Florida soon.

We'll sell this thing and go home.

We'll just forget the whole thing.

It seemed like a good idea.

Martin...

Martin, you know that Roscoe man?

The Pirates of the Caribbean!

- What?

- Oh, no.

So, think we'll ever

see our boat again?

Hey, guys. Wake up!

- Sharks!

- We're gonna die!

- No, land! Paddle!

- We're gonna live!

It's land! It's land!

Sorry.

- Where is this?

- I don't care. It's dry land.

First things first. Stay here.

I am going to find out where we are.

In five hours the stores open.

We can get some clothes.

Until then, I want you to dry off

as best as you can.

Back to the raft!

Do it! Get in the raft!

Honey, get in.

Martin, what is it?

Prohibit to pass.

Let's just go to the most

important part of the sign, shall we?

"Cuba". We're in Cuba?

- Wouldn't you just know it?

- What's so bad about Cuba?

I agree with Caroline. It's land.

Her world view is based

on "I Love Lucy" reruns.

The world's changed a lot

since Ricky Ricardo.

Honey, they did

the "Today" Show in Cuba.

Well, let's just

get some cigars and relax.

Dad!

Martin!

Have we ended up

in the same spot as our boat?

- Isn't that a little odd?

- Strictly speaking, no.

Hey! Stay out of my...!

- Good one, Caroline!

- Keep quiet. Be quiet.

- What are we gonna do?

- What can we do?

The sun's coming up, we have no money,

no passports and no explanations.

- We've got our boat.

- No, the pirates have our boat.

It's still our boat. We cleaned

the stupid thing, and we sailed it.

- What do you expect us to do?

- Get it back.

Bloodthirsty, heavily-armed pirates

against the Harvey family?

Guys, it would take a miracle.

Yeah!

- It's Captain Ron!

- Get in!

- What the hell are you doing?

- Rescuing you.

- We don't need you.

- Honey, I think we do.

- Get in, hurry!

- Just like you said, Captain Ron.

The pirates are easy. Worry about

the cops. Grand theft auto is big.

- You stole this car?

- Borrowed it, Boss.

- How'd you find us?

- Just got lucky.

(MAN SINGS)

( CUBAN POP SONG

ON CAR RADIO )

What happened?

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

All right, you fire up the boat.

I'll ditch the pirates.

We'll be right back!

Watch this.

- You jerks!

- That was cool. You faked them out.

- I'm glad you're back, Captain Ron.

- I'm there for you.

- Dad tries, but he screws it up.

- Dad does the best he can.

It's not his fault that...

Start!

I hate everything about you,

you stupid, ugly...

Everybody grab their sh*t!

- He hasn't started it yet.

- Hang on!

Wait here.

I'll see if I can give him a hand.

- We'll be OK.

- Kids!

Sh*t!

Ben, get down and stay down.

- Mom, slack off.

- Look!

Sorry, Boss. I think I broke my leg.

- Dad! Dad!

- Martin, help!

Dad! Help!

Dad!

Over there!

Wow!

- Mom, did you see that?

- Don't just sit there. Pull me in.

Kids, grab the mainsheet!

Bring him in!

- Come on. Hold on, Dad!

- We got you, Dad.

- That was the coolest!

- You say that now!

- Just tie this off, OK?

- Ben, grab the line.

- Are you all right?

- Are you all right?

I'm fine. Captain Ron broke his leg.

I'm serious. Go see.

- Yea, Dad!

- Yea, Ben!

- Kitty, that's all right...

- Stupid pirates!

- We got to have it on video.

- Sure, good idea.

- That was so cool!

- We showed them!

- Do you know about broken bones?

- I took a first aid course.

It shows.

Now we'll get a splint. Shoot!

I was supposed to do that first.

All right, kids.

Nothing can stop us now.

Tell the boss there's a small island,

Los Palonimos. It's on the chart.

When we get there,

we're out of Cuban waters.

You smell something?

Dad, what's that?

Oh, my God!

OK. Hold on.

Not much point, Boss.

- Bearings is burned out.

- What does that mean?

I forgot to fill it with oil.

- What do we do?

- Captain Ron...

Not this time, swab. Bone's

about to punch through the skin.

Them pirate guys don't like to lose.

It's an honour kind of a deal.

Mr Harvey. I crossed

these guys once before.

They can get to be a little messy,

if you know what I mean.

OK. On deck. We'll get the sails up.

You want to save this boat?

All right! Now you're talking.

You can do it!

I never seen such sailors!

Naturals! Every one of ya's naturals!

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