Captain Ron Page #4

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Let her up, let her up!

Come on up here, Boss!

Bring it down!

OK, take it up. Today, guys!

Wait, wait, wait!

Come around on the other side.

Watch what I'm doing. Take it up.

Go below and cut the engine,

then kill the fuel lines. Ready?

Guys, vamanos al frente! Kitty!

Come jump on this mizzenmast.

- See what I'm talking about?

- All right, Mom!

Day 17 finds me in the clutches

of revolutionaries,

and my family in the clutches

of Captain Ron.

Next stop, carnival in San Juan.

Or so we thought...

Trust me, you have not been kidnapped.

Captain Ron is a jerk.

He gets lost.

This is his second time in two days.

They don't know English, I don't

know Spanish. No communication.

Well, everything is cool. When you

get lost, all you got to do is ask.

What?

San Juan is behind us. About 20 miles.

But General Armando hardly blames you.

I explained it to him. It's the tides.

They work for you or against you. Hey!

I don't think she's waving at you.

- She's not?

- I sincerely doubt it.

Hey, Clarice!

Babe! Who are you waving at?

Yeah, I thought so. When I saw

Clarice, I knew where we was.

Confidentially, I've had

these problems with the tides before.

I'm coming!

You know,

every time I'm up this way she,

well, she wants my manhood, you know.

Have a good time, Boss,

'cause I'm gonna.

Hang on, I'm coming.

(LAUGHING AND GIGGLING)

No, just rise above it, Marty.

You'd probably miss and hit the girl.

- Dad.

- Don't sneak up on me like that!

Dad, it went through the deck!

Dad, the boat's on fire!

MOM! MOM!

Martin, what happened, honey?

- Are you all right?

- Why do you think I'm not all right?

You still there?

I have to say this was worth getting

lost for. It's absolutely gorgeous.

I just wish that you could see it.

I can see it.

I just have these, you know, spots.

Sweetie! Ouch.

I'm fine. What about Captain Ron?

Can we talk about him?

We can't get rid of him.

Who's gonna drive?

I can drive the boat.

The doctor says that by tomorrow

my retinas will be fine.

Let's wait till we're in San Juan.

We'll figure out what to do.

- Tree.

- Thank you.

I have to admit,

I was against all this.

But getting the sails up today

was quite a rush for all of us.

And today I discovered

something in the cabin.

I could show it to you if you want.

American girls are very,

what's the word? Superficial?

I hate that! Like, I'm into different

cultures and ways of doing things.

Like, we saw "Mr Ed" on TV

the other day? He spoke French!

It was like, he speaks French!

That is so cool.

All right, General. You're up.

Boardwalk with three hotels.

That's $6,000.

A penny to the dollar,

that's $60, U.S.

- That's all the general's money.

- Sh*t happens. Cough it up.

It's not like I hate the guy.

I don't hate anybody.

I can't wait for you to see this.

It's so amazing.

- Come here.

- Mom, can we get some drinks?

- Yes, honey, they're in the...

- The blue cooler.

- Could you get them?

- You're a big boy. You get them.

I found this while I was...

stripping these cabinets down here.

Look here.

- Isn't that amazing?

- Oh, that's great.

Oh, your poor eyes. Come here.

Here. Feel. CG.

Plus. CL. Can you believe it?

Didn't the boat belong to Clark Gable?

Clark Gable plus Carole Lombard!

That is great!

Think about it.

Gable and Lombard in this bed.

With those cute little cherub guys

up there. Isn't it just so amazing?

And the ocean outside. It's the most

romantic thing I've ever imagined.

- In San Juan, no more Captain Ron?

- Whatever you say, honey.

Hey, who's rocking

the boat down there?

It's the dawn of a new day.

Charged by the best sex

we've had in three years,

if you don't count

that one time in the car,

and the knowledge that Captain Ron

is about to leave our lives,

I feel great!

(SINGS HAPPILY)

Honey, let's not forget we have

guests, if you know what I mean.

Hi, how's it going?

Good seeing you.

Hola. Buenas dias.

And como esta?

How are you doing, guys?

Good to see you. Over there.

Good morning, Boss.

I spent the night ashore.

I figured the boat might be crowded.

That's mighty nice of you.

How long will it take us

to get to San Juan?

Four or five hours, tops.

- And you know the way?

- Any fool could find it.

Well, let's hope so.

Don't worry, Boss.

It's just a little squall. They come

on you fast and leave you fast.

We have enough life preservers

for everyone. Don't panic.

All right, this tie model.

They highly recommend a bow.

Honey, you'll never get that undone.

Listen, everybody!

You shouldn't worry about this.

It's just a little squall.

They come and go fast.

Vyase! Escuchame bien.

Quierro sabe si este barco se va...

- Blub-blub-blub.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

No blub-blub-blub!

We're not going to sink!

You don't wanna be down here

if she breaks up.

Mom! My glasses broke

and the lens fell out!

Honey, don't worry about your glasses.

Just stay there and hold on.

Honey, hold on!

Don't panic! We know where we are.

We have a compass and a chart.

Right about that, Boss.

I got it right here.

It's OK!

We still have our compass.

The only instrument Columbus had

to get him to the New World

was his trusty compass.

Don't lose that!

Hang on a second.

Go ahead, grab onto that line!

Everybody listen to me!

The boss is right!

We should be OK.

- I know we're near land.

- Great! You hear? We're almost there!

Explain to the kids how you know that.

Translate for the general.

All right. Stay with me.

When we left, we had just enough fuel

to make it to San Juan.

And we are out of fuel!

He's gone crazy!

I've seen this before!

Grab his tongue.

Shove a stick in his mouth!

I see something!

Light!

Honey, look!

Day 20. Survived storm at sea.

Captain Ron is more cunning

than I originally suspected.

( CALYPSO MUSIC)

Honey, we can't fire him now.

He got us through the storm.

He almost got us killed in that storm!

I'm sorry. You don't totally

understand it. He's eating my brain!

- He's taking over our lives.

- Honey, you're exaggerating.

- He was dancing with all the girls.

- This is great!

You don't have to wear those glasses.

- Let's not wear them.

- No, Mom, I'm fine.

Kitty's right. Sometimes I go

without the patch. It puts people off.

I don't like

to draw attention to myself.

I got news for you, Ron.

If I had a hand mirror...

Caroline, honey...

- That was so cool!

- Let's take a walk, shall we?

You kids keep up. Let's go.

Yes, I admit that Captain Ron

is a little rough around the edges.

- No, he is a psycho.

- Well, what does that mean?

Help me out. I lost my eye.

You see it? There it goes.

I love this. I love it!

This is an experience of a lifetime!

Hang on! There it is!

Would you please back off!

I lost my eye, man!

Caroline hasn't mentioned

being engaged. And Ben...

Let me tell you about Ben. I wanted

this to be a bonding experience.

Father and son. Now he's bonding

with Captain Cyclops!

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